In my parallel Universe, I’m going to tell you about our amazing tea party this past weekend. I’ll be sharing the details of a day filled with sunshine and cuddles and sweet music. Of remembering and honoring and yes, giving thanks for what remains. Of course there will be mention of spotty plates and fairy lights and a whole lot of simple joy. In my hopeful heart and mind, this is what I’d dreamed up in the weeks before August 22nd.

And then came Sunday. Not just Ava’s birthday but also the day we’d marked for Ava’s Tea Party. The sun did in fact decide to shine and I unpacked the spotty plates. The fairy lights were strung up and pink lemonade chilled. And then, little bit by little bit, the clouds crept in. I don’t mean outside..the sky still appeared just as blue but my hopeful heart was sinking. I tried to focus on the lovely afternoon we’d planned but, as is the way with grief, there was no skirting and the tears fell. I wanted to cherish. I thought of all the other people around the World doing just that..taking time and making moments and appreciating but it made little difference. For all the beauty laid out on a floral tablecloth, I felt so lost in what should have been.

So, this year our Ava’s Tea Party meant Cheezels and cupcakes at sunset with the kids..out under the big tree with nothing remotely fancy. It wasn’t quite what I’d planned but it’s how it was. Of course, seeing the effort so many people went to, part of me wanted to be sharing something amazing with you. What I want more though is to be honest and say it was just a really difficult day.  A day that was more about wishing than cherishing but that is just is life without Ava and I don’t want to pretend that it’s always about being grateful. Some days, regardless of the plan and the anticipation and the good intention, it’s just all about the missing.   It. Just. Is.  And nor would I change it.

Please know, what has helped so much is seeing all the gorgeous images being shared at Facebook (feel free to add me if you’d like to see..until I move them into the ATP gallery).  Thank you, thank you, so very much to everyone who participated in Ava’s Tea Party this year.  It truly makes a difference every time I see a photo of a group of giggly children enjoying their pink milk or having cuddles with their Dads or making a mess with cupcakes and mud.   And for those who didn’t lay out pretty china or take photos but instead just paused to think of Ava, it means just as much.   Just one more heart-felt thank you to the amazing businesses who supported our dreams for Ava’s Tea Party this year…we are just so very grateful.  We’ve also been totally and utterly overwhelmed by email this past week so as much as I really do want to reply individually, I’m not sure I’ll be able to..please accept this as our personal thanks.

Here are a couple of photos I did take of our little gathering..and yes, that is an American flag we have in the garden :)  Thank you to Aunt V for sending the beautiful cupcakes around.

Finally, we have a winner for the Ava’s Tea Party illustration..in chronological order of comments over a couple of posts, our winner is the beautiful Lauren Casto.

I do have lots of posts waiting for all manner of things..I’ll be back rather soon.
Love and much appreciation, to all of you.

xx

Normal day,

let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you,

love you,

bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by

in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

Let me hold you while I may,

for it may not always be so.

One day I shall dig my nails into the earth,

or bury my face in the pillow,

or stretch myself taut,

or raise my hands to the sky and want,

more than all the world, your return.

~Mary Jean Iron

To every single person in every corner of the World who is remembering our darling girl, who is sending us love and support, who is taking extra time to just pause and cherish this month, thank you.

xx

Wow, what a wonderful week!  We have been absolutely amazed and so very thrilled at the support for Ava’s Tea Party already shown.   A few friends have pointed out that August feels different this year, the weight and the sadness have been replaced by excitement and hope.  We’re planning while we’re remembering and as a family, we have arrived in August with so much to celebrate and look forward to.  It’s you..the people who have opened your hearts up and embraced Ava’s Tea Party, who have made that difference.  Thank you so, so much to all of you who’ve shared the link on Facebook, who’ve begun planning your parties and to businesses big and small who’ve  come up with gorgeous ways to become involved.  Here’s just a few:

The Lemony Cupcake here in Brisbane have offered to donate 100% of profit from cupcake orders in August to Paradise Kids.  (The calories don’t count if you’re eating them for charity.)

Cloud Dreaming have generously pledged to donate $1 to Paradise Kids for every cloud dream submitted through August. (Even more wonderful, Fran will double it if you can come up with something to suit the ATP theme this month!)
You don’t normally need an excuse to cloud-dream but this month, you’ll be helping out an amazing organization in the process!

AnK Boutique have made a gorgeous hair clip set specifically for Ava’s Tea Party and all proceeds in August are donated to Paradise Kids.  I’ve already heard they’re selling fast!

Please remember if you would like one of the limited edition invitations or tea party kits created for Ava’s Tea Party, they are only on sale until end August.

We’d love it if you could support these businesses who are generously offering time and products to help make Ava’s Tea Party everything we hope for.  Many, many more businesses have offered their support in beautiful ways but time is not on our side this year..which actually just means we’re already excited to see what will happen in 2011!  If you’re fund-raising as part of your ATP event this year, please send us details!  Remember we’re giving away an Ava’s Tea Party print if you spread the word at Facebook!   Just leave me a comment here letting me know.

Thank you thank you thank you.  We are so grateful.

Sheye & Family

xxx

As some of you know, last August we started the tradition of Ava’s Tea Party.  An idea borne out of wishing and missing and a beauty-full way to honor the birthday of our Super-Princess each year.   It was all we’d hoped for, and so much more.. a small gathering in our garden with close friends and family but also an invitation extended to all of you to share in time spent cherishing those you love.  We were so touched by the effort many of you went to – all the beautiful tea parties held in Ava’s honor – but more importantly, it meant so much to imagine people stopping their usual day to day and just sharing a cuddle and a moment to really appreciate one another.

Our hope is to see Ava’s Tea Party become something huge and wonderful and celebrated World over every year.  We have so many ideas that we want to see happen but we do need help along the way.  Belle and Boo’s illustration of Ava’s Tea Party was the first step in letting our dream take flight..  And then, just a few weeks ago, I received an email from Siobhan and Vanessa at Details Details..full of wonderful ideas and a beautiful proposal to grow Ava’s Tea Party a little more this year.  Oh how my heart sang reading those words and today, as they launch The Beauty Full Collection, a range of products specifically designed for this very occasion, my heart soars.  Such an incredible amount of work has gone into this project and much of what you’ll see has been so generously donated by wonderful well known designers.  Additionally, the majority of the proceeds from these sales will then be donated by Details Details to Paradise Kids.    To everyone involved in this project,  for the talent donated and time spent,  we are so very grateful.  Thank you.  We’d love it if you could take a moment to see what’s been so lovingly created and to perhaps give some thought to hosting your own tea party around August 22nd this year.  Simple or grande, for two or twenty.  Store-bought or home made and anywhere you wish.

In preparation for Ava’s Tea Party this year, we’ve also launched a dedicated website and Facebook page, which we’d love you to join and spread the word.  I’ve begun adding photos from 2009 Tea Parties to the galleries at both, of course if anyone does not wish to have theirs included please just let me know.  If you do take photos this year, please upload them in the 2010 album there – it means so much for us to see them!   If you’d like to go in the draw for an Ava’s Tea Party A4 print, please join the FB page and invite others to do the same..and of course leave a comment here to let me know you’ve done so!  Thankyou!!

I’ll take this opportunity to extend an open invitation to anyone who believes their product or skills would compliment Ava’s Tea Party..to those who sell handmade wares, to suppliers of pretty things, to anyone really who is passionate about being involved in something special..please send us a note! If you have your own ideas about how you could contribute to Ava’s Tea Party, we would love to hear them.  (While some elements of Ava’s Tea Party includes fund-raising and donation, this is not expected from those who participate).  It doesn’t need to be for this year but we would certainly love the chance to plan for 2011 with anyone interested!

Thank you again to all who’ve contributed thus far and to every single one of you who has helped us realize our dreams for Ava’s Tea Party :)  As always, seeing Ava’s memory included in beautiful ways means so very much to our whole family but this project has a very special place in our hearts..We do hope you will join us.

xx

Ava’s Tea Party Kit from Details Details | Image: Luminessence

Did you know, I woke with her that day?  Sleepy, quiet, morning hush.   Messy hair and making plans and cartoons on tv.
And did you know, we played together?  We laughed and we teased and we talked over our favorite toys.
And something else, I adored her that day.  I held her and I hugged her and I told her I loved her.
And she loved me back.
But did you know, I raised my voice?  She was three and I was tired and my forever days will regret that I didn’t just take a deeper breath.
Did I tell you too that I knew?  That I found her and my heart stopped and my World shattered and instantly, I knew.  Her Daddy held her and I knew.  It will be okay, she will make it through but oh, no.  I knew and I knew and I knew.
Did you know that reporters filled our garden while grief filled our souls and someone sent roses from Texas?  That I lay on the floor and I sobbed to my core and I begged her Daddy to fix it?
Did I mention that I hate Halloween and I can’t bear the smell of Easter lilies and that Saturday afternoons still don’t feel right.     That I don’t like the news and I can’t eat cashews and that I can never walk to the car without fear.   I still have her dirty clothes, I still can’t watch her videos and three years, four months and an eternity further on..I still don’t understand.

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Oh, The Missing.  Not unexpected, for it hovers in the before.  A vague sense, a hazey blanket that wraps around while memories and wishing increasingly interrupt the present.  And then, there it is.  Stealing the breath from my lungs, it is.   In front of the beauty and the excitement and the gratitude, The Missing sits.  Today, I cannot stop my thoughts from floating to her face and her laugh and the pain in my heart.

Ava, in every part of the World, and all the corners of my soul, I miss you.