These days.
One morning in March and before the start of day, I drove the quiet roads to the clinic. There wasn’t much light and there wasn’t much hope and the car filled with music and melancholy. (Nothing more perfect than this).
After the clinic and before the outcome I filled the hours with strange indifference for the big things and heart filled love for the small. (Oh, how I adore doing her hair.)
I vowed to eat healthy things and see pretty things and accept whatever would be, would be. (Don’t dare, don’t dream, don’t hope).
Sometimes we’d drive too far and think too long and the buildings would change while the light would look different and we’d end up in strange yet familiar, wishful places. (We being my heart and I).
But you know how this goes. The phone rang and the disappointment came and we marked off Cycle No I Can’t Even Remember Anymore I’ve Lost Count. (Whatever would be).
These days, it’s not like it was. I still believe in believing, but I also believe in accepting. I don’t want this to be the outcome and I don’t want this to have been three years for nothing and I wish it were different but it isn’t. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe there is a time for change and maybe there is a different plan. Maybe everything is exactly as it should be.
I’m not sure anymore but what I do know is that the want and the wish and the hope have been taken over by the hard and the sad and the hurt and sometimes, even when you want with all you have, it’s the right thing to let go. The light will keep changing and there will be new possibilities and I will know that I tried with my all.
x
54 shared sentiments
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Oh lovely Sheye (and you truly are lovely).
xoxox
Jane
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Hugs, the biggest of hugs Sheye. You are amazing. Leanne xxxxx
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And the light makes the shadows change…
I can feel your hurt.
Don’t give up.XXX
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Big Hugs to you Sheye. I continue to think of you, Ava and your family often. Love and light. xx
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I found this anonymous quote in the most obscure shop in Bali a long, long time ago that said:
In the end what matters most is
how well did you live,
how well did you love, and
how well did you learn to let go.It is often surprising to me how difficult the last one is to do…
All our love Sheye,
Kylie, Darren, Arki, Indogo and Sunday xxxxx
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you certainly did, my gorgeous friend. you tried your heart out, and to me, you are courage. you’re the epitome of what is good and warm and kind and strong in this world. i love that you and your heart are still wishful and hopeful though… you make me wishful and hopeful. big hugs coming your way, my sweets. xoxo
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Oh Sheye.
I keep you in my prayers.
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all,And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Emily Dickinson
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It’s so unfair, hoping with all I have that your wish comes true, I’ve never travelled that particular road..it’s given me a whole new appreciation for my 5 babies, Vx
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You are such a beautiful writer. I want happiness and hope for you with every piece of me and I wish I could make it come true.
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Sheye.Sheye.Sheye. You are brilliant. Your writing style always makes me stop and think about what’s important in life. xx Riley
ps Ivy is looking very cuteee! (:
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It is the very, very hardest hope to let go of….especially when you have a heart as huge as yours. May acceptance of whatever is to be, be filled with love.
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How I wish things were different. How I love your photos and your words and the music. Big hug.
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Oh honey, you know I’m so sorry. There is so much hope for you, beautiful girl.
Hugs to you.
xx
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Oh Sheye. How strong you are. Your words, despite all the questions and uncertainty, actually reveal so much clarity. Many hugs.
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hope and love and strength to you.
much love.
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Acceptance opens the door for something new and amazing to happen. Always thinking of you and Ava.
Much love and peace, Denise.
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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
Praying for you sweet Sheye, and hoping that these verses bring you a peace that surpasses all understanding.
x&o
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p.s. LOVE LOVE LOVE the cupcake photo of Ivy <3
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Holding your heart in my heart, from many miles away.
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Oh, how I have missed your posts and seeing that sweet Ivy.
I know the road is not an easy one to travel, I was there for 4 years and had nearly given up on hope. But last month brought me a beautiful surprise. And I truly believe that if it can happen to me, then it can happen to anybody. No two roads are alike, but I am hoping for you too! Hugs.
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sending you much love and and peace..
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not a day goes by as I don;t think of your story. i find it very hard to hope. one friend who lost ehr husband days before their son’s first birthday said: if you are too afraid to loose them, they are already lost. Don’t know how you do it. But I will pray fr your healing and new hope for us all
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“… and sometimes, even when you want with all you have, it’s the right thing to let go. The light will keep changing and there will be new possibilities and I will know that I tried with my all.”
I was amazed a few months ago when I read about your latest journey. With how far you went. And it sounds like (if I’m reading correctly) you kept going. Your inner strength inspires. Truly. May God give you a glimpse of the new light. New possibilities. New hopes.
Much love,
Bridget
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♥ to you…
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Sheye, Iw as just thinking about your journey a few days ago. All my love to you, what a huge decision, but made with love and knowing you have tried your all.
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Much love and hope for you always. You write so beautifully even about the most difficult journeys, and are a strength and inspiration. xxxx
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Ivy is growing up to be such a gorgeous *not so little* girl.
She’s going to have boys chasing her very soon :)Hugs for you, Sheye. If it happens, than it was meant to be, if it doesn’t happen, it was meant to be. Either way, you still have 2 handsome boys and 2 beautiful girls.
<3 and xx
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The way you write Sheye is like my own most private voice (that even I can’t hear sometimes). I’m also waiting for the miracle of life to join my world, who knows when or if it will happen for me. I find myself gazing up at the stars in the quiet hours of the night wishing with all my heart… please don’t give up. x R
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I’m not sure what God’s plans are for you, if it’ll happen or if it won’t, but I know that one day God will give you and your family the happiness you deserve. You’re all in my prayers.
xx
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Dear Sheye,
I have no words, but I’m sending love your way today.. Big hugs.
Nichole xoxo
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you know you did, sweets.. and thats all we can do, try and hope for the best and have mo regrets because you tried with everything you have..
xx
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sheye, I am so sorry…..
I know you want this more than anything,
and I wish so much for you to have another.
I hope and pray that it just happens on it’s own, sooner
rather than later. right when you aren’t trying anymore, I am thinking
is when it will just happen.
I can’t imagine what you have gone through and
if I could, I would give this gift to you.
xoxo
tara
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Hugs and love Sheye xx
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Happy thoughts, hopeful whispers, secret joys hiding deep within you. The world has great plans for you come what may. Never give up, just carry on. When you aren’t looking, it usually appears. I know this as I have walked this road myself. Hugs and Kisses from across the oceans, Sheye.
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Sending you love.
xx
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Sometimes we just don’t have all the answers. You are blessed and loved and I’m sure the universe has something amazing. Feel the warmth of your friends and the love of your family. Lou X
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loves to you, sweet sheye. xx
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Sheye, you will be pregnant and bear your child. I am as sure as I could be. Keep on trying.Let’s both have our babies soon, hey? Let’s just DECIDE on it. ;-)
I love your pictures. They have an exciting freshness and presence about them!
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I wish you weren’t experiencing this. Something still tells me it’s not over though.
Much love. x
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What is meant to happen will happen, take every day as it comes, there’s plenty of time yet. I believe that this baby will come to you when the time is right. All my love is pouring out to you Sheye x
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Sending you lots and lots of love. (And hoping fervently that you get everything you hope for, but wishing more that you’re surrounded by so much love, that you never want for anything.)
Hugs,
Christine
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Sometimes when you let go, you realise that you were ment to all along so you can become overwhelmed by more light than you could imagine.. I wish your wish comes true for you..xx
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Only you know your jurney and what is right for you and your family. But, every fibre of my being tells me it is not time for you to “give up”. Keep cherishing for your wish, and feelng the love
“Let go” but don’t “give up”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Much love to you Sheye….xoxo
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Ahhh Sheye. I’ve walked in your shoes down that road. Even without intending too, it changes you, not always in a bad way.
Sending strength and love to youxxxxxxx
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Sheye~ I have been thinking of you often the past few weeks. Especially so as I wrote a blogpost yesterday. It was a tough one. I know you know the hurt. The pain and the longing and wishing- as I do. For the past, the present and the future.
I have found in life that it is in total surrender that the peace comes. It comes in all shapes and sizes and in ways I never dream or imagine sometimes. It is the most difficult thing to do in life. But that is where Hope lies. I hope that in your laying it all down you will find your heart and soul filled to the brim. No matter how that looks. Love and prayers and wishes for you. Always.
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Do not give up, never, never, neverland give up. There is a soul waiting to land in you and it is making you WORK for it. You have it in you and you can do it! I know a baby will come to you. It is meant to be. The harder the task, the more worthy the journey. Hang tough sweet one, destiny is yours and yours alone. We live in a reality that rewards a path with no struggle. You have struggled more than most any other human, woman on earth. Women have the most awesome gift of creation. It is god like, no shit! My BFF is 48, just had a perfect baby. Don’t let others whisper too loudly. Bring that baby home!
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Such a moving blog post Sheye.
Sending all my best wishes your way.
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Beautiful Lady I wish things were different for you and one day I am more than sure they wil be… Love to you and your family
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
So much love is always pouring your way from my me.
Your way with words steals my breath.
And your hope is astounding.
Much love,
xx