54 sentiments shared

These days.

One morning in March and before the start of day,  I drove the quiet roads to the clinic.  There wasn’t much light and there wasn’t much hope and the car filled with music and melancholy.  (Nothing more perfect than this).

After the clinic and before the outcome I filled the hours with strange indifference for the big things and heart filled love for the small.  (Oh, how I adore doing her hair.)

I vowed to eat healthy things and see pretty things and accept whatever would be, would be.  (Don’t dare, don’t dream, don’t hope).

Sometimes we’d drive too far and think too long and the buildings would change while the light would look different and we’d end up in strange yet familiar, wishful places.   (We being my heart and I).

But you know how this goes.  The phone rang and the disappointment came and  we marked off Cycle No I Can’t Even Remember Anymore I’ve Lost Count.  (Whatever would be).

These days, it’s not like it was.  I still believe in believing, but I also believe in accepting.  I don’t want this to be the outcome and I don’t want this to have been three years for nothing and I wish it were different but it isn’t. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.  Maybe there is a time for change and maybe there is a different plan.  Maybe everything is exactly as it should be.

I’m not sure anymore but what I do know is that the want and the wish and the hope have been taken over by the hard and the sad and the hurt and sometimes, even when you want with all you have,  it’s the right thing to let go.   The light will keep changing and there will be new possibilities and I will know that I tried with my all.

x

1. lizalikesphotography says:

   Heya Sheye…
   & maybe, just maybe you will get what you wish for when you very least expect it.
   Until then…BIG love x

   
2. patty says:

   xoxo…
   sweet . sweet sheye…

   
3. Rachel says:

   Sheye, I am sending big hugs and warm wishes that what you dream for comes true xx
   Don’t ever stop believing :)

   
4. Mss M says:

   Dear Sheye,

   I can only recommend to embrace what you have and not focus on what you
   do not I guess.. (been through this same journey as well too many times..and resulted in no baby at all)..Good luck..