Flotsam. Jetsam.
So, our World alters again. It’s a strange thing..to adjust to being un-pregnant after I hadn’t really adjusted to being pregnant yet. The enormous hormone shift, the subsequent headaches, the packing away of pregnancy magazines and the non discussion of baby names..what a difference a week can make. On top of where we’ve been, in some ways it feels almost predictable – we’ve had so much disappointment but then there is no avoiding the sadness. This is unchartered territory for us, having never had so much as a scare in any previous pregnancy..but the statistics do say one in five. It’s hardly like me to follow the rules though so I shall remain shocked and bewildered, none the less. It also brings such sorrow to know so many of you have shared this experience. While the books say miscarriage is a normal event, it feels anything but normal to hopeful parents in the middle of planning a life with their new baby. It feels unkind and unfair and unfathomable. And it makes me feel like flotsam and jetsam..debris that floats around on top of the ocean, at the mercy of nature, without control.
Alongside the bewilderment though sits a deeper appreciation for those pregnancies we’ve seen through from start to finish. Such gratitude for having known what forty weeks of anticipation feels likes and to have met babies at the end of it. I’ve spent a good part of this past week staring at Luca, Mason and Ivy and just marveling that they are even here. To have knitted them together and birthed them perfectly. To see them grow and giggle and love. What. a. gift. So many people do not get that chance. We are lucky and we take hope in knowing we got this far.
Other things I am grateful for today:
Teaching our children resilience. I love that they learn first hand that life is not always fair but to never give up.
My amazing, amazing husband who has not let go of my hand since 03 Feb 2007 and held it just a little tighter this past week.
Friends..seen, unseen, life-long, never-met. I am so very blessed.
Spring. Everything feels better when the sun is shining..even whilst carrying the heaviest heart.
These images, they’re about what surrounds me right now. The haze and the beauty and my absolute adoration for the babies we see, and those we don’t.
As always, you have all been fireflies on my darker days and I can only say thank you..so much.
Sheye x
85 shared sentiments
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Absolutely gorgeous photos Sheye! Those fairy wings suit Miss Ivy so very much and i cannot believe how grown up she looks in these pics.
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Simply breathtaking photos Sheye. We are all so blessed to be part of your world. xxx PS. Have you been shopping for too many tutus for your little fairy??? How gorgeous to have them all hanging in a row like this! :)
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stunning images and beautiful words… love to you, dear sheye xoxo
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Such a touching post. I have always liked the way that you express the joy in your life and keep coming back to your blog to see how you capture such moments, both in words and in pictures, but the way you describe your times of grief really blow me away. Thank you for sharing with us, your perspective is always a reminder to me to rejoice in the good things in my life.
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Miss Ivy is so beautiful!! Lovely captures. Thank you for sharing….thinking of you. :)
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I’m sorry for your loss Sheye. I too have been through the same. I know how truly lucky I am to have my four babies. It’s heartbreaking to know that some never even get to experience having one baby. If you decide to try again I will say a little prayer can keep my fingers crossed for you. :)
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How your love and grace radiate through. I am sorry for this sadness, for your loss. This blessing shall surely come to you and all your family. To add to the blessings you already value and account for. My thoughts are often with you, and tonight I hope they fly to your side and add a little extra warmth.
much love
Kalimna
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I’m so sorry for your lose, Sheye. These photos are exquisite.
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thinking of you often. God bless.
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So sorry for your loss. I have been in that place Sheye. Where everything seems lost but still so much to live for. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks. I still don’t forget. I now have 2 enchanting children. I am forever grateful for the life and love that the good Lord has given us. I know many more blessings are coming your way.
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Such beautiful images. They’re just stunning. As are you beautiful.
xo
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The wings, the knee high socks, jumping on the bed…. it seems you’ve been here before! Ava with Wings brought to life. Ivy is just soo very precious. How wonderful that you can still see the silver lining with the rainclouds overhead! It further proves how wonderful you are! I have three daughters here, and three babies in heaven. You remind me to be forever grateful for the ones that could stay. Sending you warm thoughts and thanks.
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When did she get so tall?! So beautiful.
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You are my inspiration in words and photographs, who I want to be and who I admire.
Thank you, with all my heart.
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In the midst of my own miscarriage, you say exactly how I feel. I have spent the last few weeks staring at my other three kids and feeling so thankful that I was allowed to have them. There are so many women who suffer miscarriage after miscarriage without knowing the joy of finally carrying a baby. It makes me thankful while I’m still sad. My doctor told me thirty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage and I just kept thinking, “how can this be normal?”. I too, have a wonderful husband who puts me first always. It definitely helps, but the grieving is still so necessary. I’m sorry you are suffering through this.
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still thinking of you….
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hugs and kisses to you …
your writing and images always inspire me and help me appreciate life…the good and the bad.
xoxo
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Dear Sheye,
I am so very sorry for this fresh loss in your life, but I am thankful for all of the love and support that surrounds and sustains you & your family. Your family is beautiful and, as you know, the gift of each of our children is a miracle. We don’t know how or why things happen as they do…but we know that LOVE lasts forever.
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Hey Sheye, my 28 day wait came round with the same disappointment as always. Think it’s time to throw in the towel for me:) Just not sure on how to give up the longing to hold my own newborn. Guess this is what makes us who we are, life trials
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Oh, Sheye, my heart continues to ache for you. You continue to be in my prayers.
As an aside, when in the world did Ivy grow-up? She looks like such a big kid now.
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I’m so sorry about the losses you have to go through. Might not the right time to say, but I’m sure you will have the strength to get it through, even this time too. Sending you light in dark days.
Love
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Just found you and gobbled up every last bit of your website and blog and your dear sweet ava. My prayers are with you….you have described your grief in such a raw refreshing way. Lost my dad to cancer last year and the devastation still overwhelms me, thanks you for sharing your life, heart, and soul. God bless you. by the way we’ve been to your beautiful country last year and it was our favorite place to date.
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I really really see Ava in these pictures of Ivy…they are Ivy right?!
i just cannot believe how much they look alike!!!
SHeye, I just see the way you are, the way you live your life and I love
how you choose to really enjoy the good things that you have, the people that
you love & cherish instead of dwelling on the pain, that is so real, raw and honest
and I admire you so very much!
xoxo
tara pollard pakosta
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Sheye,
I wish I could say it gets better, but you know from your own life, it only gets different. I’m in a down period myself right now. Missing the 3 babies I’ll never hold, and trying to be that much more grateful for the two I can.
Praying for you,
Amanda
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Karyn says it perfectly…”You remind me to be forever grateful for the ones that could stay”
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I’m so in love with the lovely Ivy in your images. And you, of course, are so dear and so darling. I, too, lost a very wanted pregnancy at 10 weeks. Man it totally sucks and it’s so unfair. But I know I know I know I know that it will all be okay. Because it just will. That’s all. Because it has to be. xo, S
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Always thinking of you Sheye…
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Always thinking of you Sheye…
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You’re always in my thoughts Sheye. Be well hon.
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Hi Sheye
You totally inspire me – with photography, children, faith, life. thank you for sharing your heart. I have never commented before but have been popping in on your blog for nearly a year now. You are in my thoughts and prayers often. Thanks again, Susanna xxx
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Thank you.. This is the most wonderful passage comes from wonderful heart. Thank you for sharing with us and show us the very meaning of life, again. To dig deep down our very heart….
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Sheye, I never know what to say. Just want you to know that I want to say something….
Love and hugs…
k8 xx
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Gorgeous images! You’ve picked your camera back up I see :). Don’t give up…baby will find you.
xx
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sheye…
you just keep amaZing me with your words and your aRt!
thank you for always sharing…
xoxo
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I know you and your family will move on and so will we, you’re ever faithful army of supporters, right alongside you all. Denise is right…Baby will find you.
Thank you for letting us all be a part of your world Sheye.
Love Michelle
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I know you and your family will move on and so will we, you’re ever faithful army of supporters, right alongside you all. Denise is right…Baby will find you.
Thank you for letting us all be a part of your world Sheye.
Love Michelle
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You have such an EXCEPTIONAL way of verbalising how you feel – things I can relate to (and have experienced) but can not verbalise. I can read a post three – four – five – or even seven times and it still remains interesting with a sentence I may have missed the first time. Your new posts are like receiving a handwritten letter in the mailbox.
With each new post I want to get the kids to school, pour a cuppa and savour every single word in uninteruppted silence, word, by, word.
I know not appropriate for what you are posting about but I am sure that to many of your followers (Like me) you are a firefly to us.
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“Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman reminds me of you…I would highly recommend this book for you to read.
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Oh Sweet Sheye.. I am so so sorry I am keeping you in my thoughts much love to you
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I just stumbled upon your blog this past Monday. It was definitely bittersweet. You are amazing. Your children are amazing. You photography is amazing. It has really opened my eyes to a million things but also broke a piece of my heart right off. Thank you so much for being you, and so honest & sharing your story with us. I’ve been thinking about you and your family, many times over these past few days and will continue to do so. I’m sending good thoughts your way.
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I have read your blog now for a few years and I have never left a comment. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but mainly because I felt somewhat silly seems you don’t know me. I could say I don’t know you either but reading your blog somehow makes me feel like I kind of do. What I really want to tell you is that you are very inspirational to me. You are an amazing person, and an amazing mother. Words cannot describe how sorry I am for the grief you have gone through in your life, but I know from reading your blog that you have also had much happiness. Family truly means everything to you and I feel the same way about my own. I have two little boys. They are 3 and 6 and are full of life and also keep me very busy. I cannot not even begin to imagine losing one of them. You have taught me that even in the worst of times you still must carry on and make the best of the situations we have been given. I hope you know that you are in my thoughts daily and I appreciate the example you have been to me over the past few years. May God bless you and yours.
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‘Love lifts us up’
<3
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‘Love lifts us up”…………..xxx
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I have such a heavy heart for you yet once again you are a beacon of hope and one of the most beautiful examples of a mother and person. You words never cease to touch me in the most sentimental of ways leaving my outlook forever changed.
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Your words, your photography, and your spirit are absolutely beautiful.
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Sheye, sorry i haven’t commented sooner. I have been keeping up just sometimes don’t know what to say. I wish it could be easier. Thankfully you are surrounded by so much love and support. I hope you are doing well. I love your images. you never cease to amaze. You seem to have mastered the art of put of focus! i love it. Ivy is the cutes little thing, those piggy braids are scrumptious!!
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Sheye, these pictures are so beautiful. SOSOSO beautiful. My heart is still with you and your family.
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I am so very very sorry to hear this. What a beautiful post though to remind us all to be thankful for all that we do have. Thank you for sharing your journey.
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Here I am, in front of my computer at 5 a.m., paying bills and aggrivated that I have to leave for work momentarily and up to my hair in stress, and then I read your words and am calm again. You really are amazing and your photos and words and life affect the world in a wonderful positive way. I pray often that all of that comes back to you a million times over. xx
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
these photos squeeze my heart, they are so incredible…and so do you, and so ARE you.
much love,
xxxx