Aug

Blue Skies and Clouds.

In my parallel Universe, I’m going to tell you about our amazing tea party this past weekend. I’ll be sharing the details of a day filled with sunshine and cuddles and sweet music. Of remembering and honoring and yes, giving thanks for what remains. Of course there will be mention of spotty plates and fairy lights and a whole lot of simple joy. In my hopeful heart and mind, this is what I’d dreamed up in the weeks before August 22nd.

And then came Sunday. Not just Ava’s birthday but also the day we’d marked for Ava’s Tea Party. The sun did in fact decide to shine and I unpacked the spotty plates. The fairy lights were strung up and pink lemonade chilled. And then, little bit by little bit, the clouds crept in. I don’t mean outside..the sky still appeared just as blue but my hopeful heart was sinking. I tried to focus on the lovely afternoon we’d planned but, as is the way with grief, there was no skirting and the tears fell. I wanted to cherish. I thought of all the other people around the World doing just that..taking time and making moments and appreciating but it made little difference. For all the beauty laid out on a floral tablecloth, I felt so lost in what should have been.

So, this year our Ava’s Tea Party meant Cheezels and cupcakes at sunset with the kids..out under the big tree with nothing remotely fancy. It wasn’t quite what I’d planned but it’s how it was. Of course, seeing the effort so many people went to, part of me wanted to be sharing something amazing with you. What I want more though is to be honest and say it was just a really difficult day. A day that was more about wishing than cherishing but that is just is life without Ava and I don’t want to pretend that it’s always about being grateful. Some days, regardless of the plan and the anticipation and the good intention, it’s just all about the missing. It. Just. Is. And nor would I change it.

Please know, what has helped so much is seeing all the gorgeous images being shared at Facebook (feel free to add me if you’d like to see..until I move them into the ATP gallery). Thank you, thank you, so very much to everyone who participated in Ava’s Tea Party this year. It truly makes a difference every time I see a photo of a group of giggly children enjoying their pink milk or having cuddles with their Dads or making a mess with cupcakes and mud. And for those who didn’t lay out pretty china or take photos but instead just paused to think of Ava, it means just as much. Just one more heart-felt thank you to the amazing businesses who supported our dreams for Ava’s Tea Party this year…we are just so very grateful. We’ve also been totally and utterly overwhelmed by email this past week so as much as I really do want to reply individually, I’m not sure I’ll be able to..please accept this as our personal thanks.

Here are a couple of photos I did take of our little gathering..and yes, that is an American flag we have in the garden :) Thank you to Aunt V for sending the beautiful cupcakes around.

Finally, we have a winner for the Ava’s Tea Party illustration..in chronological order of comments over a couple of posts, our winner is the beautiful Lauren Casto.

I do have lots of posts waiting for all manner of things..I’ll be back rather soon.
Love and much appreciation, to all of you.

/ NEXT POST

Fran Mackenzie says:

All my love to you and yours, always, sweet girl. With a thousand hugs, and more, Fran xxx
Marsha B says:

Much love to you. I have thought of you and Ava often over the past few weeks xx
Sarah Craig says:

Oh, sweet Sheye. YOUR HEART is the “something amazing” you share with us. No fancy required. Much love to you.
Vanessa Paris says:

Can I adopt Grandad please? I’d take good care of him, promise:) Vxx
Katherine Schultz says:

I think everyone in the entire world was thinking of Ava on Sunday. My whole family, included.

Much love, X
Jayne says:

I’m so happy to see grandad there – I often wonder how he is getting along…bet Ava loved it.
patty says:

i love your raw honesty…thank you for always sharing…
no fuss needed~just what works for you at that particular time…
xoxo
loving thoughts from new jersey, usa…btw, love the flag!
Shelly says:

Sheye-I couldn’t host a tea party last weekend, but I did think of your Superprincess all day, and work on the next little present for your gorgeous family. I have just watched your slideshow, and I just know that Ava will be watching over you,smiling, and wishing too.Words can’t convey my thoughts for you all at this time, so much love being sent your way. Thankyou Sheye,for sharing , and allowing us all to raise our cupcakes to Ava. xoxoxoxo
Siobhan says:

Oh Sheye xoxox You have shared Ava with us, and that alone is beyond amazing. Who needs fancy? (Although those cupcakes look the part!)
Stevie says:

Much love to you <3
Stevie says:

Much love to you and yours, Sheye. You are beautiful.
Zakary says:

I think of your girl often, know this.

And you too.

Much love.
Lauren says:

And that last comment was Lauren, not Stevie.. sorry! xo
Denise Armbruster says:

I can’t imagine there will ever be a time when the wishing and missing doesn’t creep in and blow the best laid plans out the window. Much love to you. As much as I loved having a tea party for my littles, my mind was definitely on your doorstep that day, all day. The inspiration for me was to take lots and lots of photos and hopefully bring lots of smiles to your heart when you look at them.
Denise xx
jamie says:

There is someone I love and trust very much, who keeps saying to me “you are exactly where you are meant to be, feeling exactly what you are meant to feel”.
Sometimes I want to punch her, and sometimes I hear it…
Here’s hoping you hear it. And even if you don’t, your fist can’t reach me here, so I feel safe ;)

xxxx
Vanessa and Kara xxx says:

Sheye…. I wondered how you would be feeling that day. I can’t imagine anybody to expect you to feel any better or different to what you did. Whilst it’s a gorgeous thing for your Ava’s memory to be celebrated and cherished, at the end of the day the only thing that anybody wants, of course including you, is for her to be in your arms.

Sending you so much love Sheye.

V xx
Leanne Ambrogio says:

Hi Sheye … Have thought of you often in the week gone past and it is just tonight that I have checked back in to read of your highs and lows. I have travelled a similar journey to yours and my sweet baby girl is with your beautiful Ava – she too would have been 7 this year. Tomorrow we have planned a small celebration to remember both Laura and Ava – I look forward to sharing some photos with you next week (of which I hope to improve on after I start your course next month). I also have walked the IVF line so know of your disappointment but also thankfully know of the joy. May the coming months keep you and your new miracle safe – hope is such a wonderful thing. Many hugs Leanne xx
Rachel says:

Hi Sheye,
That is the problem with grief, it is always waiting just areound the corner. I have not had my Ava’s teaparty yet but plan to however I was thinking about the superprincess and sending her birthday wishes on the day. I was also sending you, and yours, some comfort and hugs!

Take care, don’t be hard of yourself. Lots of love
Rachel x
Victoria Foord says:

Hello. I just found your blog via Mrs A in the Cove, and have just read your first post following the incredibly sad loss of your gorgeous daughter Ava. Tears stream down my cheeks. How strong you have to be to cope with such a loss. I am sending a hug from the other side of the world to you.

I too have been down the IVF path. 2 disappointments, and then one miracle baby girl Ruby who will be 2 on Thursday. I also have a wonderful son of nearly 8 yrs (non-IVF). Wishing you wonderful things for the future.
Victoria
x

Blue Skies and Clouds.

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