All the corners of my soul.
Did you know, I woke with her that day? Sleepy, quiet, morning hush. Messy hair and making plans and cartoons on tv.
And did you know, we played together? We laughed and we teased and we talked over our favorite toys.
And something else, I adored her that day. I held her and I hugged her and I told her I loved her.
And she loved me back.
But did you know, I raised my voice? She was three and I was tired and my forever days will regret that I didn’t just take a deeper breath.
Did I tell you too that I knew? That I found her and my heart stopped and my World shattered and instantly, I knew. Her Daddy held her and I knew. It will be okay, she will make it through but oh, no. I knew and I knew and I knew.
Did you know that reporters filled our garden while grief filled our souls and someone sent roses from Texas? That I lay on the floor and I sobbed to my core and I begged her Daddy to fix it?
Did I mention that I hate Halloween and I can’t bear the smell of Easter lilies and that Saturday afternoons still don’t feel right. That I don’t like the news and I can’t eat cashews and that I can never walk to the car without fear. I still have her dirty clothes, I still can’t watch her videos and three years, four months and an eternity further on..I still don’t understand.
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Oh, The Missing. Not unexpected, for it hovers in the before. A vague sense, a hazey blanket that wraps around while memories and wishing increasingly interrupt the present. And then, there it is. Stealing the breath from my lungs, it is. In front of the beauty and the excitement and the gratitude, The Missing sits. Today, I cannot stop my thoughts from floating to her face and her laugh and the pain in my heart.
Ava, in every part of the World, and all the corners of my soul, I miss you.
165 shared sentiments
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Beautiful text and pictures as always. Wish you luck!
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I’m so sorry…
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Ava is always in my thoughts when I look at my daughter. I hope she watch over us every moment.hugs,love and respect!
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I never met her, or any of you, but I miss her too. And missing her makes me ache, but it makes me take a deeper breath, and love a little deeper, and so her love reaches all the way over to our corner of the world too. Sweet Ava’s love is so big and we feel it so strongly and for you we ache with broken hearts, but we are thankful for your wakefulness and openness and lovingness. Thinking of you and sending love back across the globe to you – we hope you feel it too. xx
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hi sheye- i have just tonight found your beautiful site, via tara whitney and the lovely pictures she took of you. i sit here in a million tears as i read your words about your precious ava… and then i know how easily it could also be me. we never know how easily accidents can happen, thank you for sharing. god bless you and your family… xo, liz
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Sheye- once again, your post has made me bawl.
You are such a beautiful person… and Ava spent her time with the most wonderful mommy on earth, and she knows that. She is always in my thoughts. Hugs to you and the rest of your gorgeous family, and Ava too.~Kylie
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As usual, your words and images and beautiful daughter takemybreathaway.
Always in my thoughtsxx
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I taught Ava’s lesson to a mama yesterday. It came on the heels of teaching another summer lesson of having doors shut so little ones don’t stray in the backyard of a pool… a little one named Caroline gave of her life so 2 others might live…
Ava and Caroline are my summer angels that I will continue to teach others about. They have so much in common.
I keep you in my prayers, Shey… along with your sweet princess.
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She was a beautiful little girl and she was loved. And loved you back. Keep that love in your heart. Never forget it. You are in my prayers today.
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Once again your words have stolen my breath and captured my heart. Ava will never be forgotten and her legacy will live on forever more. Chin up, each day is another day closer to you being reunited with your precious daughter. Thankyou for sharing xx
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big huge hugs for you xx and tears running down my face…
she is watching over you and your family – and so so proud of you all xx
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Just wanted to let you know…
we don’t know eachother…but I think of you and Ava everyday. Your pain makes me a better mother, because it reminds me that I may not always have the chance. My children know of Ava and her story, and I have no doubt that it has saved my daughter on several occasions…
Peace and love to you,
Michelle
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Oh how this makes me cry
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
This is my 1st time to explore your website and it left me speechless and in tears. The beauty, the innocence, the honesty of your words make me hurt for you and your family. You’ve touched my heart.