The random thoughts that accompanied the uploading of these images:

1.   I do adore that dress from Belle Heir.
2.  Doesn’t it match the stairs nicely?
3.  I think those bloomers are size 1.  When is the child going to grow?
4.  I was telling her to get down from there.  Just after I grabbed the camera.
5.  That wide angle grin is just a little bit un-nerving.
6.  I still love her so.

On theeee most perfect Laguna Beach afternoon, we met Rachel and Andy at the Montage.  That sentence alone makes my heart a flutter, just the memory of the incredible light, the stunning surroundings and most of all, the connection between these two beautiful people.  A fun, natural, genuine connection that is inspiring to watch and the kind of shoot that makes you feel guilty to call it “work”.  The fact that Krysta and I stayed long after the session finished, sampling good wine and watching the sun go down probably didn’t hurt a whole lot either :)

So, so many more images to share over the next week or two, stay tuned.

x

Canon 5D Mk2 | 24-70 2.8
Eye Candy Actions Toy Camera

Did you know, I woke with her that day?  Sleepy, quiet, morning hush.   Messy hair and making plans and cartoons on tv.
And did you know, we played together?  We laughed and we teased and we talked over our favorite toys.
And something else, I adored her that day.  I held her and I hugged her and I told her I loved her.
And she loved me back.
But did you know, I raised my voice?  She was three and I was tired and my forever days will regret that I didn’t just take a deeper breath.
Did I tell you too that I knew?  That I found her and my heart stopped and my World shattered and instantly, I knew.  Her Daddy held her and I knew.  It will be okay, she will make it through but oh, no.  I knew and I knew and I knew.
Did you know that reporters filled our garden while grief filled our souls and someone sent roses from Texas?  That I lay on the floor and I sobbed to my core and I begged her Daddy to fix it?
Did I mention that I hate Halloween and I can’t bear the smell of Easter lilies and that Saturday afternoons still don’t feel right.     That I don’t like the news and I can’t eat cashews and that I can never walk to the car without fear.   I still have her dirty clothes, I still can’t watch her videos and three years, four months and an eternity further on..I still don’t understand.

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Oh, The Missing.  Not unexpected, for it hovers in the before.  A vague sense, a hazey blanket that wraps around while memories and wishing increasingly interrupt the present.  And then, there it is.  Stealing the breath from my lungs, it is.   In front of the beauty and the excitement and the gratitude, The Missing sits.  Today, I cannot stop my thoughts from floating to her face and her laugh and the pain in my heart.

Ava, in every part of the World, and all the corners of my soul, I miss you.

Very shortly, I leave for California.  Just me.  Well me, my camera, a bulging suitcase and a whole lot of excitement.  At the other end, I’ll hopefully find Krysta who’s a wee bit excited herself.  Ten days of uninterrupted face to face conversation would be enough but we’ve added a few other things to the list, like:

- shop vintage
- shoot in gorgeous light
- pour wine
- meet beautiful friends
- take road trips
- discover side alleys and back streets
- forget schedules
- try not to eat cupcakes for breakfast.  Well, not every day.

I am so looking forward to this…it’s just what my soul needs right now.   You might have gathered I’ve been otherwise distracted the last few weeks, things big and small have taken my attention but I’m looking forward to a calmer time and some exciting changes coming up after I return :)

And talking of things my soul needs..I spent a good part of this past weekend with nine of the girls from my last Evolve workshop who’d traveled from all over Australia to be here.  We lounged around,  ate lollies,  talked photography,  learned about one other,  and laughed.  What amazing, gorgeous beings.  How truly blessed I feel.  I’m quite certain there is some unseen force that canvases participants for my workshops and only lets the beautiful people through.  Thankyou, girls..my heart is full and happy today :)

Sheye xx