104 sentiments shared

unknowing.

In the still and the dark of night.   I thought she was sleeping.  Her little voice startled me.

Mummy?
Yes honey?
Why did Ava leave her bike here?
Because she couldn’t take it with her.
Why did my sister not take all of her things?
Because she doesn’t need them in Heaven.  She has everything she needs.
Does she have a kitchen?
I think she probably does.
Does she have a bed?
I’m sure she does.
And does she have a tutu?
Oh yes, she has a tutu.
Does she have two or five?
I think she has as many as she wants.

Mum, how does Ava get back here?
Honey, Ava can’t get back here.
Why? I am waiting for her to come back.
Because, because when babies are made, they wait in Heaven and ..
Mum, do you have tears?
Yes darling I do.
Why?
Because we miss Ava very much.
I miss her too.
I know darling.  When babies are made they wait in Heaven and then they are given to their Mummies like you and Luca and Mason were given to me too but Ava had to go back to Heaven when she was three and we miss her very much.  But we will all get to see her again in Heaven one day.
When you and Daddy and me and Luca and Mason see Ava again I’m going to tell her I’m four.  Will she be little or big?
She will be little, I think.
Can I pick her up?  Because I am four?
Yes, you probably could.  But you will be much older than four when you see her.  We will live a long time together here first and then we will get to see her.
But what will happen to our house?
We won’t need it in Heaven.
Is she like a small baby or a little bit bigger?
A little bit bigger, like when you were three just before.
Oh.  Will we be very old?
We probably will be old.
Will we have moles?  Because I don’t want moles.
No, we won’t.
Will Ava have moles?
No darling, she won’t.

Her questions make my heart race.  Never ready.  I’m still trying to work out the answers myself.  I still stare at her bike at our back door and I still don’t understand.

This
is
all
so
much
bigger
than
me.

1. Heather says:

   God bless you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing this touching conversation – kids are so wonderfully honest and really take us THERE with their questions. So so hard.

   
2. shelley swanson says:

   i could hardly read your post. i cried like i knew her and you and your family. my heart and prayers are with you. God bless you and keep you. Bask in the love of our Lord.

   
3. Suzey says:

   *sigh* im so sorry Sheye wish i could do something but i cant very touching heartbreaking post.Ava is happy where she is she has alot of little friends (cause they are alot like her that are gone too soon) She`s now dancing with the angels and watching over Ivy,Lucas,Mason,daddy and mummy.

   ~XxxxX~

   

4. Pingback: And I’m weeping… | Cute Like Me Blog