If only.
It’s getting hot here in Australia. Summer is just about here. For a long while after we lost Ava, I would brace hearing the evening news, never wanting to know of another family enduring what we have..of someone elses precious child losing their life the way Ava did. But that day came, another family lost their daughter, and then another. One mother, she lost both her children. Every time, it broke my heart all over again. Such a simple thing - family cars parked outside homes..a brief window where all of the planets made way for the perfect storm and then, just like that, nothing was ever the same.
How I wish just the simple act of distributing the Ava’s Rule postcard would mean this never happened again, anywhere, ever. In reality I know it’s probably not possible. We can try though, can’t we? Please email this post card to every single person you know. For us. For Ava. For families who adore their children, who think they’ve covered off all the risks, who may have never thought of the dangers of their car parked outside on a normal Sunny day. Please.
There are two other things I want to share with you too. Because of other grieving families I’ve met over the last three years, I am horribly aware of the many varied ways in which childrens lives are cut short. Some of them are completely obscure and some are tragically, much more common.
The risk of drowning to young children, particularly here in Australia where we spend much of the year swimming, is very real. If you have a pool, I ask you to strongly consider installing a pool safety net available, from here in Australia and here in the USA. If you think it’s not necessary, the devastated parents of those lost children would tell you it is. So many very good families lose their precious and adored babies in the blink of an eye, with pool fences in place.
I would also ask that you take a moment to read this post regarding new child restraint legislation here in Australia, effective March 2010. Because of the tireless work of our beautiful friends, Danielle & Noel Broadhead, Isabelle’s Regulations have been introduced. I am so proud and so sad at the same time. I know this victory is bittersweet for them – just as sharing Ava’s Rule is near impossible but imperative for me.
It’s been difficult to write this post. I’m not someone to tell others what they should be doing. But how I wish, with every ounce of my being, that someone had sent me a postcard like this one before we lost our Super Princess. If someone had shown Yasmine or Hannah’s Mum a pool net. If someone had mentioned to Danielle and Leanne the risks of booster seats and adult seat belts. If only.
S x
ps: to email, just right click save then attach to your email. If you want to blog this, I’d be ever so grateful. Thankyou so much.
81 shared sentiments
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Well said. Your one voice can be the change in thousands of lives. Thank you for being so brave. I will honor your request.
~Kati
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Dear Sheye,
I have been touched by your words. I was introduced to your blog through a friend. My husband and I faced our own tragedy on October 3, 2009. I was seven months pregnant with identical twin girls (Avery and Kennedy). Everything was going picture perfect. This was my first pregnancy and we could not have been more excited to welcome our precious bundle into this world. But everything came crashing down when I started to not feel right and we went into the hospital to have me checked out. A doctor was on call that had not seen me before. She did an ultrasound and saw one of the babies was in de-stress. She did not move quickly enough and had my husband drive me to a different hospital. By the time we arrived our sweet baby girls did not have heart beats although they were beating at the first hospital. I was told my babies were gone. I experienced the worst day of my life. One bad decision by a doctor changed our whole world. I had a C-section and was able to hold my beautiful daughters for a short time. We buried them the following week. I have been at such a loss. I have no words. The words you speak of Ava have helped me. They speak how I feel. I would love to hear from you. Your writing is beautiful and since I have read your posts it has helped me to see maybe there is light at the end of this seemingly never ending tunnel of sorrow. I don’t have a blog or facebook but my email address is whit_frampton @yahoo.com. Sincerely- Whitney
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Dear Sheye,
I have been touched by your words. I was introduced to your blog through a friend. My husband and I faced our own tragedy on October 3, 2009. I was seven months pregnant with identical twin girls (Avery and Kennedy). Everything was going picture perfect. This was my first pregnancy and we could not have been more excited to welcome our precious bundle into this world. But everything came crashing down when I started to not feel right and we went into the hospital to have me checked out. A doctor was on call that had not seen me before. She did an ultrasound and saw one of the babies was in de-stress. She did not move quickly enough and had my husband drive me to a different hospital. By the time we arrived our sweet baby girls did not have heart beats although they were beating at the first hospital. I was told my babies were gone. I experienced the worst day of my life. One bad decision by a doctor changed our whole world. I had a C-section and was able to hold my beautiful daughters for a short time. We buried them the following week. I have been at such a loss. I have no words. The words you speak of Ava have helped me. They speak how I feel. I would love to hear from you. Your writing is beautiful and since I have read your posts it has helped me to see maybe there is light at the end of this seemingly never ending tunnel of sorrow. I don’t have a blog or facebook but my email address is whit_frampton @yahoo.com. Sincerely- Whitney
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After finding you blog, I now always lock the doors to our vehicle when it is not in use. We recently moved to Australia and I think of your family every time I hit that lock button. This is not something I actively did prior to reading your story. Thank you for being so brave in sharing your story.
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Thank you for this. I’m so so sorry for what has happened in your family. I’d love to email the postcard but (forgive my cluelessness) how do I do that?
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I will be blogging Ava’s Potscard.
And thinking too, if only.
I know of no greater sadness.
Vxx
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Sheye I have been following your blog for a while now. Ava’s story broke my heart, and often when it is hot and I am leaving my car I think of her.
I have posted Ava’s postcard on my blog, and linked to you here. I will also email the postcard to the people in my email address book.
Jocelyn
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Thank you. I have shared it on my facebook and I will share it through email also.
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this was soo soo timely for me sheye. this very thing nearly happened to us today. my mind immeaditly raced to you.. Thank you xxxxxxxx
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Ava is never far from my thoughts, I think about her, and you, often my friend!
♥ ♥ ♥
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I live in Dubai, the heat here in the summer is unbearable, one of my main worries is my children getting locked in the car and your story makes it even more so. I am so sorry for you and your family to have to go through something like this. I have sent your postcard round by email, if it saves just one child!!
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Ava’s story is tragic – her story is heartbreaking and I often think of her and of you and your family. Thank you for sharing. I will make sure everybody I know reads this. xxxxxxxxx.
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I don’t have much to say.
I sit here, looking at my little girl, thinking for you, if only.
I will share this with everyone I know. xx
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Dear Sheye
Cannot even imagine the grief & lose that you have experienced. My two year old got into our car whilst I collected the mail, she locked the car with my keys. In Australia the NRMA take these cases as an emergency and were at our home unlocking the car within 5 minutes. Thankfully she was unharmed and it was not in the height of summer. We were not even members and there was no charge, if they didn’t come that quickly I would have smashed a window with a brick.
Later that year we nearly lost her with a serious heart condition that required emergency surgery, so she and we are very fortunate parents.
You are so brave but I am sure you have many moments that carrying on requires enomous strenghth. Ava will always be a presence in your life.
To everyone out there do not even let your children stay in your car when you go to the shops even for a quick visit as mentioned the temperature can go through the roof in such a short time. It is also illegal in Australia. xxxx
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I wish I could find the words… I know they really don’t replace what is missing, but they do show that Ava did not gain her angel wings in vain
Love to you, Crayton and the boys, thank you for sharing Ava’s rule again.
Love Jacq x x
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Thank you Sheye. I know you know how bittersweet this is. After the press conference yesterday I wanted to say to every one, this is excellent, children willl be safer but tonight I go home and Isabelle still won’t be here. Can I have her back now? I miss her desperately and I can’t go back. The one thing I hang on to- is the gifts that Isabelle has granted me. You my friend are one of the greatest.
Dxxx
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I came over from Peppermint Patcher and your words resonate with me as I share your grief. I’m always amazed at the strength bereaved parents show and you are a perfect example. Thank you for sharing your words. I’m off to read the rest of your blog…
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I am just about to blog this and email it to everyone I know. My heart goes out to you and your family Sheye…. xx
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Shey, your story touched me two years ago now, I completely brainwashed my daughter and i still ask her every couple of weeks, what to do if she gets stuck in the car, or if it gets hot while she is waiting for me for any reason, she says ( at 4 1/2 ) I undo my buckle and i climb into the front, and i hold the horn down until someone comes and lets me out. She did this once, i had my heart in my throat, as i ran to the car, I was locking the back door, and thought she must have been hot, when i got to her, she looked a little worried, she just wanted me to get her favourite baby doll. But we both learnt something that day, she knew she could really rely on me to respond, and i knew – the brain washing had worked, i still remind her anyway. I have just had my second daughter and we named her Lauralai Grace, I will teach her the same, your message is working, keep the word out there, and i will do the same. many voices can be heard for years to come, my heart ached as i read your story for the first time, i cried like a child, and i have that fear now, thanks to your story, eternally greatful, Melissa x
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Before my son was 2 I watched him get my keys, press the button, reach up and open the door of our 4WD, open the door up, climb inside, close the door behind him and then with the keys still in his had, press the button and lock the door…. I was standing chatting to my neighbour beside the car watching him…all the while saying, he won’t be able to open the door, he wont be able to climb in, he wont be able to lock it…and he proved me wrong everytime.( I was holding the spare pair of keys) They watch everything we do and they copy. Our keys are now kept on a hook right out of the way.
Thinking of you Sheye xx
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Thank you for a timely reminder Sheye – I will be blogging and emailing Ava’s postcard/
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I am constantly moved by your blog and your love not only for your sweet Ava but also the love you show through sending out messages about her death and how to prevent it. Summer has passed here in the U.S. and winter is on its way, but I want to keep this post in mind so that when our summer comes, I can share this! Thank you for your diligence in getting the message and warning out!
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Bursting with creativity and motivation, I decided to take on photography, and capture the beautiful moment of children. My passion for photography clearly shows, that
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Sheye, is it ok, that I print this poster and put up outside, so that people walking past can read this. I will also post this on my blog, because many people read my blog, I think it will have a perfect good place to get noticed. Thank you for posting the poster, which has a purpose to keep other children safe.
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oh sheye. if only. your message is heard loud and clear and i will share with as many as i can. xo
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I am truly sorry for your loss, Ava seemed like an amazing child. and even though I’m not from Australia, I hear constantly, on the news, that great parents lose amazing children due to a couple of minutes of distraction, and specially here, in Brazil those parents are considered horrible, because the true story isn’t always shared. And the population isn’t very keen on listening, so accusations flow even if no one’s to blame.
I was wondering if you would give me the permition to translate Ava’s Rule into my mother language, Portuguese, and spread the word out to people so that our children can stay alive and our families intact.
I treasure every single word of yours and I know that I would not be strong enough to handle what you’ve been and are going through. You truly are something. Thank you. For sharing your story. For sharing your amazing Ava. And for caring.
May everything special come your way.
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Hi Sheye,
I shared Ava’s rule with all of the young brides to be on my wedding forum and I thought I’d share with you how widespreading your baby girl’s touch can be. Last count = 120 views. http://www.weddings.co.nz/cgi-bin/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1257398079/9#9
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I’m posting up on my blog…. Scheduled to run on Monday….
Thanks for sharing your story so openly and so beautifully. I pray that this enables at least one loss to be prevented. If not thousands.
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Hugs
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Thank you for taking the time to help others through your tragedy. It is truly an example for all of us to follow.
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I’ve shared the postcard with all the moms I know and posted about Ava’s Rule on my blog. I know it will save lives. Love to you and your family, Leigh.
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Thank you so much for your willingness to bless others through your tragedy…saying a prayer for you today!!!
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I’ve blogged. Thank you for being so open to the World with sharing what you know.
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I blogged Ava’s Rule, if you would like to visit, Sheye :)
http://kaydani20.blogspot.com/2009/11/avas-rule-3.html
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I have posted your site on my facebook profile… thank you for sharing your story. I remember reading about Ava in the news as we had just moved to the area at the time.. and my children now go to her kindy. Due to you sharing your story I have always drummed it into my two (Jacob 5 and Sarah 3) never to get into the car without me and never ever to close the doors. I had always been so careful about locking the doors and putting the keys out of reach, however on the one day that I forgot (the perfect storm) Sarah got into the car and closed the door… in the middle of a hot day… thank God Jacob saw her in there and ran inside to me… he was terrified… she was fine. He was terrified because I had shared your story with them… and while Sarah was too young to fully understand the consequences – Jacob did!… I shudder to think what may have happened. Bless you and your family and little Ava. While I have never met you – you have touched our lives… thank you xo
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Sheye, I blogged “Ava’s Rule” for you on my blog http://www.kmuphotography.com.au/?p=1404
You are so brave and I am so proud to call you a friend. What you are doing for others is just so commendable.
I have not figured out how to get the link to your blog working on my blog…will update that when I find out. Are you able to provide me with the full res file of the card and I can go and see all of the preschools and daycare places in my area.
Take care, talk soon.
Kristin
xxx
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Sheye, I am so glad you are bringing awareness to others. I know that “if only” all too well. Our little ones’ causes of death are the kind that are more obscure, since we don’t actually have any diagnosis yet. However, before Bridget died we believed Dominic died from the Infant Botulism that he *did* have (and now believed he died *with* and not *from*) and I felt an urgency to share the symptoms and ways to reduce the risks with all new parents so they might get help for their child if he were to become affected before it took his life. I even once received an email letting me know that the warning I had shared had resulted in a diagnosis for a child, and that child survived! I know that your awareness with Ava’s Rule definitely will help another family.
The second part of my experiences, however, have led me to a conclusion that helps me with the “if only.” So many times I do the “what if the doctors had noticed the symptoms” or “what if I had noticed they’d stopped breathing sooner” or “if only we had known it was coming.” I have struggled with all these things, especially with Bridget, because how could the doctor NOT know something was amiss with me pleading with him the afternoon before to look at all the things that were alarms to me, and that she was having symptoms JUST like Dominic had had. With our history, that doctor really SHOULD have done SOMETHING! And I think it’s not fair that I lost Dominic, and no lessons were learned enough to save Bridget!!!
So what conclusion have I come to (left open for room to explore alternate conclusions, of course)? I have to believe that each of us comes to this earth with our days numbered. For some of us it might be for only a day or a year, a few years, or a couple of decades. But I believe, I hope in a purposeful plan. Orchestrated by God. I just think that even IF you had known these things it wouldn’t have changed Ava’s time table. I guess it’s just something that makes it easier for me to think, because then if the “control” wasn’t mine to begin with, I don’t have to blame myself or others for not doing or knowing enough to have kept these terrible heartaches from happening. I hope this doesn’t come across as “it was meant to be, and so you shouldn’t feel the pain or grief…” I don’t mean that at all, and don’t like when people say things like that. I am not always as good at “accepting” this idea, but sometimes it just helps. And I can’t accept that our little children could be taken away from this earth so easily if there wasn’t some sort of plan, with a purpose so much greater than us.
Perhaps, for Ava, her purpose was to help other families prevent a tragedy that was not intended to happen. And so I thank you so much for being so willing to share Ava, to share her story, and to spread awareness for the safety of other children. You may never know how many families will benefit from your thoughtfulness, but I think you are doing a wonderful thing. I hope you have comfort in some way
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Hey Sheye,
I’ve been wanting to share Ava’s Rule for some time now, but never did, due to the fact I live in Brasil, and I’m sure most of my internet contacts and family members wouldn’t understand more than two or three words of it. So I thought I could translate it. The idea was still immature, but after reading this post I decided it was time to ask you if I can. I sincerely believe it is something important, and it would make me feel a little better about all this if I knew I could help some way. Knowing that there are many families around the world that do not know Ava’s rule due to a simple communication problem makes me want to do something.
I feel so sorry for everything that happended to you and your family ( specially for Ava ). But seeing that sweet smile of hers makes me feel a peace I did not know before. Everytime.
I wish I could do more than that – more for Ava. But for some reason I think that would be a start.I whish you all a beautiful weekend,
Julia.
ps.: ( my e-mail is julinjardim@hotmail.com )
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hi sheye,
i’m a preschool teacher and the very first thing i did upon being hired was print out ava’s rule postcard and frame it to hang in my classroom. since then, i’ve had the opportunity to share ava’s story with so many families and i intend on doing so for many years to come.
with love,
cristina
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Oh dear, my first comment seems to have vanished. I wanted to let you know I copied “Ava’s Rule” and posted it on my blog.
hugs, hugs, hugs,
Cheri
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Hi Sheye,
Thank you, I’ve emailed and blogged Ava’s rule. My friend was just telling me the other day about finding a baby locked in the car on a hot day while his Dad did the groceries. They were very, very fortunate and the baby was ok…..people definitely need better education about this. Thanks again.
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Thank you so much for being so courageous to share your story and to be so sensitive to help others in the midst of your heartbreak. I am soooo sorry for your loss and experience. I could not even imagine finding her and being helpless. I locked my keys in the car twice with my son as an infant and then as a toddler in the seat. I was rushing in and out and the doors locked in 100 degree weather. I slammed the with a rake but no luck. I prayed and called 911 but until they got there I showed my son the letter U from a magnet on the refrigerator and told him to push that letter on the door. He was crying and sweating and I was getting more frantic. The police pulled up and my son unlocked the door before the police could help me. It was a miracle, but everyday now I make sure my keys are with me before getting out of the car. With just this experience I am frightened for life…so with your experience I will now lock my doors when the car is not in use. My 3 year old loves to go hide and get in the car too but I never thought of an incident like this happening…..THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR GIFT OF SHARING AND PROTECTING. May God bless you throughout this process!!
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It is a small thing, but I always lock my car in the driveway now, and never did before. We don’t yet have any children, but there are lots in the neighborhood. When I click the lock button I often think of your sweet Ava. Your story is changing lives.
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I have emailed everyone in my address book and asked them to pass it on as well, something I have never done before but this is so fundamentally important. Hugs and kisses Sheye. Love, Kylie
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
Sheye every day of the hot summer weather I remember Ava’s story. I have a three year old who loves to sneak off to the car. One day I couldn’t find her and when I did, sitting in the car where she buckled herself in to her carseat, she was hot and sweaty and drowsy. I totally freaked– the very first thing I thought of when I saw her in there was Ava. We’re extra vigilent now. All because of your story. It IS working, your story is getting out. Many hugs to you.