Hail to the Princess
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
- Ilene Woods (Cinderella)
Ivy is our fairy. She always has been. Elfin-like, tiny. Our totally enchanting and perfectly mischievous fairy. She loves them herself, donning wings and fluttering around the house frequently..asking for fairy merchandise at the shops, watching The Fairies on tv. Secretly, I was relieved that this was her love.. Something I’d not had seen with Ava..a new experience, no association.
But there was a day, I knew it would come, where someone fondly called her Princess. And in that moment, smiling and making polite conversation, my mind reeled. My proper self knew it was as it should be..all three year old girls, along with being fairies and ballerinas and pretend Mommies, are Princesses. But my sorrow-filled self could not bear the thought. I had only ever known one Princess until that day. But “the firsts” come and go..Ivy pested for her own sparkly, polyester frocks and I helped her perfect her curtsy.
And then, such is the way with grief and a whole lot of time, I made my way to the land of all things Princess – Disneyland. With one sweet girl by my side and another on my mind, I sighed at tiaras and marveled at castles. Time skipped back and forth and I wished for different but I was there, and doing it. For Ivy. We went to the Princess Makeover Salon. She got to choose her whole outfit and spent an hour being made up by a Fairy Godmother. It was so special and magical and so very, very hard. With impossible sadness and so much gratitude, I took these photos.
Seeing the Princess costumes hanging up:
About to be taken into her dressing room after three spins and a wish:
THE dress:
And, the Princess:
The makeover: (A little miffed that one’s hair has to be upswept – surely it’s all about the golden locks?)
But happy now there’s eye shadow involved:
On the news there will be sparkles:
The big unveil:
Happy girl :) (Natural light, I love you).
And ten minutes later back at the hotel..hair un-assembled, mid flight.
I hereby give you Princess Ivy.
I love these photos. I loved this day. How thankful I am. Grief almost stopped me from having this moment. There are times I loathe grief to my core..and times I don’t. There are hours and days and minutes of unbearable sorrow, this is true. But oh the joy of being able to fully appreciate. To breathe it in and find thankfulness and cherish too. Grief..an external being but part of my soul. It makes up who I am, it shows me a different view – every single day. It tires me, it enlightens me.
Seeing these photos again, on a day filled with happiness and hope, I am just a little bit thankful for the grief.
Sheye xx
(And to my darling Ava.. Wish you were here.)
What amazing photos! It would have been hard but Ivy just looks gorgeous. What a fabulous place, wish I could take my little girl!
What a special day, indeed.
This post just has me in tears because you express so eloquently how much you miss Ava.
I’m so touched by everything you write about your family.
Oh Sheye, these are just perfectly perfect, Ivy looks so happy and blissful and full of joy. I bet Ava was smiling from above, how I wish you had both your princesses with you on this special day {hugs} xx K
I think this might just be my favorite blog post youve ever written. It has amazing pictures of Ivy (some of the best Ive ever seen) and you wrote about Ava with such beautiful words. I guess both of them are princess’. Ava’s your Super Princess, and Ivy you Fairy Princess.
What perfect captures to a perfect day. I wish so much for you that Ava was there too.
As always, your honesty and eloquence has me in tears. Your Ava is never far away from you, OR her princess sister.
I have only just found you and your blog and I am so glad I did. And I am happy that you and Ivy shared this magical moment. You have such a way of expressing how you feel, the truth and the pain and grief, but the happiness that you feel with your beautiful Ivy…
Such wonderful pictures…what a precious moment…as always, my prayers go up for you!
What a beautiful post……
Oh honey!! This post had me in tears! I’m so happy that you shared this special, beautiful day with Ivy, but at the same time it saddens me for what should have been! Ava would have been smiling down & agreeing with Ivy’s choice… her Princess Dress is absolutely gorgeous, she did indeed look every part the Princess, but you know which is my most favourite photo from this day… the very last one… this one sings out IVY!!! Much love to you Sheye…. xx
oh sheye, thank you for sharing these moments with us. You are such a strong and wonderful example to us all.
Oh, Sheye….beautiful and heart wrenching. Ivy is so, so gorgeous!
I loved this post. Ivy is a beautiful princess, and you have an incredible gift to capture life. Last week I started listening to Michael W. Smith’s new album, Beauty Will Rise. It is his first album since his 4 year old daughter passed on last year. The lyrics remind me of the Psalms, but they are his raw emotions. Each song reminds me of your emotions and love for Ava. I have prayed for you each time I hear the music.
Oh, I’m sure Ava is looking down, smiling her approval at Ivy’s transformation :)
Lots of love xx
Oh Sheye, these are just beautiful!
What a special moment for you both to share and i’m sure the super-princess was watching over you both enjoying that moment with you.
Thank you for sharing it with us all.
Love and hugs to you both :)
Just beautiful!!
These images just speak of love and happiness. Miss Ivy. Blessed with beautiful parents. I can only imagine, looking at these gorgeous images, how very, very hard this must have been. I’m glad for you xxx
These images just speak of love and happiness. Miss Ivy. Blessed with beautiful parents. I can only imagine, looking at these gorgeous images, how very, very hard this must have been. I’m glad for you xxx
crying tears of joy and sadness. Ivy is completely tickled pink, she is as gorgeous as she imagined herself to be in her princess dress. Unimaginably beautiful. So happy you pushed grief aside for a brief moment…the pictures are amazing. Ivy is absolutely gorgeous all made up, the grin on her face says it all. So bittersweet for you I know but so worth it. Incredible. Love you you, Denise xxoo
almost made it all the way through without dripping with tears. you got me at the small note to ava, in case you were wondering.
what a beautiful day … and knowing that there can be more than one princess per household. we all need a little princess in each of us … so glad that you had that special moment.
What a gorgeous princess she makes :)
Her big sister would be more than proud!
Shey, Beautiful photos. Ivy looks gorgeous and you once again have touched my heart. I showed my little girl the photos and she wants to look just like Ivy. She is four and ‘reads’ your blog with me every week. xx
What a perfect, beautiful day for you and Ivy. I think that during the times when it seemed difficult, Ava was giving you the strength to be there for Ivy. Thank you for sharing your two beautiful princesses with us.
Beautiful photos, beautiful musings. Very inspirational.
Very proud of you to allow Ivy be the princess she wanted to be. I imagine that was difficult for you to appreciate her as your princess as well. She is a beautiful young girl with so much energy and expression.
Much love.
It’s a thing of beauty to see Ava in Ivy. And Ivy in Ava.
You are one of the best mommies – to all four of your children! I hope to never know the tiniest speck of the grief you know and live with. You are so brave. Even in tears and sorrow. Thank you for sharing the beauty. I LOVE Ivy jumping on the bed!
XOXO
After I read that last line I heard a voice say “I was there Mama.” The roles are now switched. She’ll wear the wings and place the tiny tiaras on her sister from above. You will see your baby girl again. I hope this comfort remains with you for awhile. :)
Breathtaking,
Gorgeous, and
Beautiful!
Bless you and your strength
So beautiful and so heartbreaking. I’ve never seen a princess makeover before, and this just brought so much joy to my heart. If I ever become a mom (and to a girl), I will remember this and do the same to her. :) Thank you!
We bow to thee Princess Ivy
Beautiful. Glad that you were able to do that for Ivy. And for yourself too.
how lovely!! i wish i could do that with my ella…. ivy is lovely. thank you for sharing such a special moment (and appologies for the lack of capitals, feeding the baby) xx
She is beautiful, and the bouncing on the bed photo is best. We were in Disneyland in Sept and I now feel mean for not splurling on my girls at the Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique. So glad Ivy had a great time and that the day was such a special and meaningful one for you too.
as ever, feeling humbled and moved by your grace, dignity and strength.
thank you for sharing these images and your journey with grief…i live life with my children with more awareness because of your ava.
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! Just lovely:O)
Really you’re lucky ’cause you got yourself 2 princesses :) mid flight is my fav – you just have to laugh!
Wow!!!
For Princess Ivy, it will be a day remembered for eternity, I bet:)
Elisabeth was 4 last month, I bought her a dress not unlike the one Ivy has. It is already overused, got holes, by The Princess of Europe:)
Wow..amazing photos of Ivy, soo cute Sheye(:
What kinda Canon kamera do u use??
Every day Sheye ~ every day ~ I think about you and your girl. It can be the smallest thing that triggers the thought. Something pink, a rainbow, Kara misbehaving, me missing my daughter….. every time though, I end up aching and wondering how you ‘cope’. Then I see images like these of Ivy and my respect for you grows even more. You, despite what you endure, are giving your gorgeous children an amazing childhood because of your strength. At the same time, you are keeping Ava alive in the minds of so many.
I hope you realise how wonderful what you are doing is.
Wow… gorgeous girl! You can just see the happiness in her eyes. What a beautiful family you have. Ava was with you and Ivy every step of that day.
That first photo, I just love it – pure joy :)
As always beautiful girl, your bravery amazes me ♥
There should have been 2 Princesses with you that day,
but I can guarantee, Ava was watching her sister, Ivy
and smiling & laughing right along with her. And I bet
she was wearing the matching gown to Ivy’s while smiling….
it’s not fair that you have to endure this all
Sheye, and I don’t know how you do it, but
you are making memories for Ivy and letting her be who she is
and not comparing her, and that is just amazing to me!
You are the most wonderful Mum ever! These photos are just amazing!
Her precious laughter, happiness just bursting out of her. beautifuL!
tara
What beautiful, and precious photos!
Amazing pictures, as always! Beautiful subject too! Ava would be proud of her little sister.
-Desiree
Beautiful post and images. Thank you for sharing such a special day. And I have never seen anything like that before — what a magical moment for a little girl.
These pictures are incredible. You write beautifully. There is a depth in your writing and a way of saying so much and yet leaving some things left unsaid that just draws me in to your blog. I am always touched and I’ll admit slightly jealous of your adventures :) Your daughters are beautiful and so are your sons.
Tears spilled forth. I am so proud of you, Sheye. You grow even when you don’t want to grow. Such an impossible-feeling road it is…to be in the moment and not, all at the same time. Again, just so proud of you. So very proud. And I adore Ava and Ivy. And you.
I LOVE the first and last pics here… what a magical day for Ivy!
What beautiful pictures! What a beautiful princess and what a beautiful time. Grief for me has often been bittersweet…sometimes more bitter than sweet but always, at some point, both. I blogged about grief not too long ago in light of the death of a friend’s unborn baby. Feel free to check it out. I talk about the good in grief, what we actually get out of it and how we can use it for good.
http://lizcooper.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/good-grief/
Thank you for your beautiful post. You are sharing some of the hard moments we face in our home right now. Our little Jocelyn is close to the age that Evan was when he died. She does some of the same innocent and mischievous things like he did. They are two different different people. BUT there are similarities and those similarities can be difficult and beautiful at the same time. Thank you.
Sheye – this post (along with many others) brought me to tears. You express you feelings beautifully. Makes me appreciate my own little girls so much. You make me want to cherish each moment of motherhood a little more!
Sheye, Ivy looks beautiful. We did the same thing on our holiday to Disney this year and it’s such an exiting thing for little girls to do. I’m so sorry Ava wasn’t there to experience it with you both.
Much Love x
She is so beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing these little moments. I find myself thinking of Ava in little moments too now. How about that? Your first lovely princess is changing the life of a woman who never met her, a woman half the world away.
I find your photography- the capture, the color, everything…really inspiring. This is just so bittersweet and beautiful. I admire your work so much as well as your sentiments. (Ivy looks brilliant too- such a cool walk for such a little one). Thank you!
Love your photos. I check in on your blog regularly. There is something truly creative about your photos and your blog. I admire your willingness to share your sorrow and your joy and your ability to transform your heartache into something new and beautiful. What an awesome tribute to Ava.
The “miffed” photo made me giggle : P
Missy Ivy is just beaming. Those pictures are truly one-of-a-kind. I thought of you tonight when I sat with my daughter before bedtime. I was playing with Peyton’s hair and thinking of you and Ava and how life just isn’t fair sometimes. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your grief and happiness with the rest of us.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
Sheye, I love this post.. I love that you found a little joy in the grief. I think of you & Ava every time we go to Disneyland.. actually anytime the word ‘princess’ is mentioned. I thought of her when I was talking to Jane in the Evolve forum about how Chloe loves Disneyland now that she’s in the princess stage, & how Sofia would love it too.. I was thinking about how Ava would have loved it too… but how wonderful that you got to experience this with Ivy. I can’t get over the excitement on her face especially in that first one! What beautiful, magical memories you’ve given her.. I’m sure she will carry them with her for the rest of her life. As always, thank you for sharing a little bit of your journey with us.
Ali xx
Sheye, Ivy is so beautiful! And those pictures-they’re just stunning. I absolutley loved this post.
I know Ava is looking down on her little sister, smiling, as she see’s Ivy having fun, just like she did.
xx
Lindsey
It was very hard to hide my tears at work as I read this. It is such a beautiful and happy post in the midst of such sadness. I know i have said this before but i can’t imagine your grief but the look on Ivy’s face makes it all worth while. I admire your strength and determination to not let the grief overwhelm you.
i would love to know how you processed these. they are fantastic!!
Sheye, I also love this post! Those images are perfect in every way and I can’t get over how magical they are. I too thought of Ava during the Princess/Disneyland conversation with Ali, and I’m so very glad to know that you were able enjoy this special day with Ivy! I can only imagine how how bittersweet being at Disneyland, surrounded by all things princess must have been.
Thank you for sharing these images. They are truly fantastic.
xx Jane
i just discoverde your blog this week and it broke my heart to read about your ava..
and to day so bautiful picture of a princess and how you writh about the greif and joy in a big mix..
you are so strong and thank you for shearing with us and ivy is a beatiful girl so prowd..
love victoria from norway
I know that Ava was twirling and smiling with Ivy, the whole time. Both of your princesses are darling. And when I think of Ava I think of a *super* princess.
Beautiful Sheye. Love it all. Thinking of you.
In every photo you capture the heart of children. Ivy and Ava are both so precious. Ivu sure does look like a beautiful princess, in that cute dress. Her smile is so contagious, I love it.
I meant Ivy, sometimes I rush when I write, and it comes out wrong. Hehe i’ts *IVY* I had to correct myself, I always do :)
just beautiful. you’re a.maz.ing.
beautiful, precious moments. your blog always helps me remember what is important and somehow i always forget, but i come back here and i regain a heart of gratitude for my family and those around me, and for every little thing. thank you sheye.
I love the first photo of Ivy’s expression! What a beautiful series of photos. They are as precious as she and your beautiful super princess Ava and you too Sheye.
Thank you for sharing such a special day. As always, I don’t know how you do it but am thankful that you are able to share such lovely girlish things with Ivy. I loved what someone wrote earlier, “…Super princess and Fairy princess…” it is just perfect.
Love from across the ocean,
Lori
wow Sheye!..No wonder it took a while to post this post!..Your heart is so special to us!..this last pisture so familure to the other!..you are an amazing mommy..Brave mommy..blessing you you and yours..oxoxxo
Sheye, you have the most beautiful heart…you are an amazing person….I go to your blog nearly everyday and I am captured by your beautiful photos and ‘your stories’. You are a gift to all of us….thank you so much for sharing your heart and this special day with Ivy….even though Ava wasn’t there in person I bet she was there in spirit and smiling…..love to you…
Your such an amazing momma……..and woman……..
Photos are awesome, Ivy is beautiful:)
Thinking of u always xoxo
i think ava would gladly share the title of “princess” with her sweet baby sister. she’s with you always, in your heart and in her sibling’s faces. i’ve shared your story and website with so many people since i stumbled upon it last month, ava’s story will be told and she will be with you forever. i’m so proud of you for staring grief in the face and overcoming it enough to allow ivy these precious moments. she will remember this day always, and that she shared it with her “mummy” :) God Bless!!
Amazing photos, amazing story.
Thanks for being my inspiration! love to your whole family :)
My niece was accidentally left in a parked car in the summertime here in Las Vegas. Where the temps get up to 120 degrees, and that’s not even inside a car, which gets much hotter. My sis-in-law remembered & returned to her quickly, within minutes, and she was fine. But the lesson we learned from that day was huge, and sits with us still, today.
I’m touched by your beautiful daughter, Ava, and by your words and pictures and tribute to her. May other parents visit your blog and be touched, too.
These are such beautiful moments that you and your daughter shared together. Ava is totally smiling down on the two of you I’m sure. :)
oh sheye… i cried so much reading this heartfelt post. i have tears streaming down my face! i really dont know how you do it… such a special princess moment for ivy but how can you not think about princess ava and how she should be by ivy and your side. how heavy your heart must have felt but what a lovely day for you and ivy to share with the super princess no doubt near by. the photos are truly beautiful… i love the first one with her little hands over her mouth and the two walking out of the dressing room – the whispy hair and her looking so so small in such grand surroundings! hugs to you, rowe x
you’re amazing sheye – you truly are. and ivy….sweet beautiful ivy in all her sparkly gorgeousness. that last shot is just so…..gosh i don’t think i have words, but you touched my heart – my eyes sting, but it’s so precious and lovely and right. it’s just…right. xo
OK so my fave shot is the one with her finger in the makeup, that’s just too gorgeous. She is definitely a Fairy and I love her mischieviousness and yes she is a Princess a Fairy Princess and Ava is the Super Princess for always and for ever.
Keren
xxx
your words echo what is in my heart so perfectly…
thanks you