Hail to the Princess
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
- Ilene Woods (Cinderella)
Ivy is our fairy. She always has been. Elfin-like, tiny. Our totally enchanting and perfectly mischievous fairy. She loves them herself, donning wings and fluttering around the house frequently..asking for fairy merchandise at the shops, watching The Fairies on tv. Secretly, I was relieved that this was her love.. Something I’d not had seen with Ava..a new experience, no association.
But there was a day, I knew it would come, where someone fondly called her Princess. And in that moment, smiling and making polite conversation, my mind reeled. My proper self knew it was as it should be..all three year old girls, along with being fairies and ballerinas and pretend Mommies, are Princesses. But my sorrow-filled self could not bear the thought. I had only ever known one Princess until that day. But “the firsts” come and go..Ivy pested for her own sparkly, polyester frocks and I helped her perfect her curtsy.
And then, such is the way with grief and a whole lot of time, I made my way to the land of all things Princess – Disneyland. With one sweet girl by my side and another on my mind, I sighed at tiaras and marveled at castles. Time skipped back and forth and I wished for different but I was there, and doing it. For Ivy. We went to the Princess Makeover Salon. She got to choose her whole outfit and spent an hour being made up by a Fairy Godmother. It was so special and magical and so very, very hard. With impossible sadness and so much gratitude, I took these photos.
Seeing the Princess costumes hanging up:
About to be taken into her dressing room after three spins and a wish:
THE dress:
And, the Princess:
The makeover: (A little miffed that one’s hair has to be upswept – surely it’s all about the golden locks?)
But happy now there’s eye shadow involved:
On the news there will be sparkles:
The big unveil:
Happy girl :) (Natural light, I love you).
And ten minutes later back at the hotel..hair un-assembled, mid flight.
I hereby give you Princess Ivy.
I love these photos. I loved this day. How thankful I am. Grief almost stopped me from having this moment. There are times I loathe grief to my core..and times I don’t. There are hours and days and minutes of unbearable sorrow, this is true. But oh the joy of being able to fully appreciate. To breathe it in and find thankfulness and cherish too. Grief..an external being but part of my soul. It makes up who I am, it shows me a different view – every single day. It tires me, it enlightens me.
Seeing these photos again, on a day filled with happiness and hope, I am just a little bit thankful for the grief.
Sheye xx
(And to my darling Ava.. Wish you were here.)
85 shared sentiments
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Thank you for your beautiful post. You are sharing some of the hard moments we face in our home right now. Our little Jocelyn is close to the age that Evan was when he died. She does some of the same innocent and mischievous things like he did. They are two different different people. BUT there are similarities and those similarities can be difficult and beautiful at the same time. Thank you.
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Sheye – this post (along with many others) brought me to tears. You express you feelings beautifully. Makes me appreciate my own little girls so much. You make me want to cherish each moment of motherhood a little more!
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Sheye, Ivy looks beautiful. We did the same thing on our holiday to Disney this year and it’s such an exiting thing for little girls to do. I’m so sorry Ava wasn’t there to experience it with you both.
Much Love x
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She is so beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing these little moments. I find myself thinking of Ava in little moments too now. How about that? Your first lovely princess is changing the life of a woman who never met her, a woman half the world away.
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I find your photography- the capture, the color, everything…really inspiring. This is just so bittersweet and beautiful. I admire your work so much as well as your sentiments. (Ivy looks brilliant too- such a cool walk for such a little one). Thank you!
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Love your photos. I check in on your blog regularly. There is something truly creative about your photos and your blog. I admire your willingness to share your sorrow and your joy and your ability to transform your heartache into something new and beautiful. What an awesome tribute to Ava.
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The “miffed” photo made me giggle : P
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Missy Ivy is just beaming. Those pictures are truly one-of-a-kind. I thought of you tonight when I sat with my daughter before bedtime. I was playing with Peyton’s hair and thinking of you and Ava and how life just isn’t fair sometimes. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your grief and happiness with the rest of us.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
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Sheye, I love this post.. I love that you found a little joy in the grief. I think of you & Ava every time we go to Disneyland.. actually anytime the word ‘princess’ is mentioned. I thought of her when I was talking to Jane in the Evolve forum about how Chloe loves Disneyland now that she’s in the princess stage, & how Sofia would love it too.. I was thinking about how Ava would have loved it too… but how wonderful that you got to experience this with Ivy. I can’t get over the excitement on her face especially in that first one! What beautiful, magical memories you’ve given her.. I’m sure she will carry them with her for the rest of her life. As always, thank you for sharing a little bit of your journey with us.
Ali xx
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Sheye, Ivy is so beautiful! And those pictures-they’re just stunning. I absolutley loved this post.
I know Ava is looking down on her little sister, smiling, as she see’s Ivy having fun, just like she did.
xx
Lindsey
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It was very hard to hide my tears at work as I read this. It is such a beautiful and happy post in the midst of such sadness. I know i have said this before but i can’t imagine your grief but the look on Ivy’s face makes it all worth while. I admire your strength and determination to not let the grief overwhelm you.
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i would love to know how you processed these. they are fantastic!!
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Sheye, I also love this post! Those images are perfect in every way and I can’t get over how magical they are. I too thought of Ava during the Princess/Disneyland conversation with Ali, and I’m so very glad to know that you were able enjoy this special day with Ivy! I can only imagine how how bittersweet being at Disneyland, surrounded by all things princess must have been.
Thank you for sharing these images. They are truly fantastic.
xx Jane
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i just discoverde your blog this week and it broke my heart to read about your ava..
and to day so bautiful picture of a princess and how you writh about the greif and joy in a big mix..
you are so strong and thank you for shearing with us and ivy is a beatiful girl so prowd..
love victoria from norway
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I know that Ava was twirling and smiling with Ivy, the whole time. Both of your princesses are darling. And when I think of Ava I think of a *super* princess.
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Beautiful Sheye. Love it all. Thinking of you.
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In every photo you capture the heart of children. Ivy and Ava are both so precious. Ivu sure does look like a beautiful princess, in that cute dress. Her smile is so contagious, I love it.
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I meant Ivy, sometimes I rush when I write, and it comes out wrong. Hehe i’ts *IVY* I had to correct myself, I always do :)
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just beautiful. you’re a.maz.ing.
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beautiful, precious moments. your blog always helps me remember what is important and somehow i always forget, but i come back here and i regain a heart of gratitude for my family and those around me, and for every little thing. thank you sheye.
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I love the first photo of Ivy’s expression! What a beautiful series of photos. They are as precious as she and your beautiful super princess Ava and you too Sheye.
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Thank you for sharing such a special day. As always, I don’t know how you do it but am thankful that you are able to share such lovely girlish things with Ivy. I loved what someone wrote earlier, “…Super princess and Fairy princess…” it is just perfect.
Love from across the ocean,
Lori
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wow Sheye!..No wonder it took a while to post this post!..Your heart is so special to us!..this last pisture so familure to the other!..you are an amazing mommy..Brave mommy..blessing you you and yours..oxoxxo
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Sheye, you have the most beautiful heart…you are an amazing person….I go to your blog nearly everyday and I am captured by your beautiful photos and ‘your stories’. You are a gift to all of us….thank you so much for sharing your heart and this special day with Ivy….even though Ava wasn’t there in person I bet she was there in spirit and smiling…..love to you…
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Your such an amazing momma……..and woman……..
Photos are awesome, Ivy is beautiful:)
Thinking of u always xoxo
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i think ava would gladly share the title of “princess” with her sweet baby sister. she’s with you always, in your heart and in her sibling’s faces. i’ve shared your story and website with so many people since i stumbled upon it last month, ava’s story will be told and she will be with you forever. i’m so proud of you for staring grief in the face and overcoming it enough to allow ivy these precious moments. she will remember this day always, and that she shared it with her “mummy” :) God Bless!!
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Amazing photos, amazing story.
Thanks for being my inspiration! love to your whole family :)
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My niece was accidentally left in a parked car in the summertime here in Las Vegas. Where the temps get up to 120 degrees, and that’s not even inside a car, which gets much hotter. My sis-in-law remembered & returned to her quickly, within minutes, and she was fine. But the lesson we learned from that day was huge, and sits with us still, today.
I’m touched by your beautiful daughter, Ava, and by your words and pictures and tribute to her. May other parents visit your blog and be touched, too.
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These are such beautiful moments that you and your daughter shared together. Ava is totally smiling down on the two of you I’m sure. :)
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oh sheye… i cried so much reading this heartfelt post. i have tears streaming down my face! i really dont know how you do it… such a special princess moment for ivy but how can you not think about princess ava and how she should be by ivy and your side. how heavy your heart must have felt but what a lovely day for you and ivy to share with the super princess no doubt near by. the photos are truly beautiful… i love the first one with her little hands over her mouth and the two walking out of the dressing room – the whispy hair and her looking so so small in such grand surroundings! hugs to you, rowe x
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you’re amazing sheye – you truly are. and ivy….sweet beautiful ivy in all her sparkly gorgeousness. that last shot is just so…..gosh i don’t think i have words, but you touched my heart – my eyes sting, but it’s so precious and lovely and right. it’s just…right. xo
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OK so my fave shot is the one with her finger in the makeup, that’s just too gorgeous. She is definitely a Fairy and I love her mischieviousness and yes she is a Princess a Fairy Princess and Ava is the Super Princess for always and for ever.
Keren
xxx
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your words echo what is in my heart so perfectly…
thanks you
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Ivy you just look fabulou.=) I wish i was like youuuuuuuuuuuu!Your a princess!
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
What beautiful pictures! What a beautiful princess and what a beautiful time. Grief for me has often been bittersweet…sometimes more bitter than sweet but always, at some point, both. I blogged about grief not too long ago in light of the death of a friend’s unborn baby. Feel free to check it out. I talk about the good in grief, what we actually get out of it and how we can use it for good.
http://lizcooper.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/good-grief/