Another novel idea from the US of A that we find ourselves reminiscing over.  Tortillas for breakfast.   And not just any tortillas, but Javiers.   Every bit as good as the recommendation.    I still find myself daydreaming about the little things that made our vacation so wonderful.. the reality of course was that Mason spent the whole time declaring that he hates cheese, Ivy’s full glass of icy juice found it’s way down my front just before it smashed on the floor and I’m not sure the three figure breakfast was THAT much better than vegemite on toast but still, we only go on vacation for the glorified memories don’t we?   I still have a bajillion holiday snaps I want to blog and once workshops finish for the year I plan to pick up the pace again!

Sheye xx

24-70 2.8 | Canon 5Dm2 | Eye Candy Actions – Toy Camera & Hazey

All that beauty.
All those hopes.
All that laughter.
All those dreams.
All those wishes.
All her kisses.

Gone.

We still don’t understand.

Next Friday marks one thousand days since we lost Ava.  Lost.  It is much easier to imagine than died.  Even though, clearly, that is what happened to her.  She died.  But we lost her.    Missing.   Misplaced.  It seems, not for want of trying or wishing or pleading, she cannot be found.

Very slowly, as in one thousand days slowly, I am beginning to believe in the disbelief.  I’ve given up trying to understand.  I don’t look for signs.  There is no sense. We lost her and we found sadness and disbelief.  We found a different life, with different people greeting one another each morning.  Raising a different family with changed priorities and less expectation.  And a new appreciation for the simplest of things.

If you’d told me I would survive one thousand days without her, I could not have believed you.  It is true, from those early, terrifying days, we have moved.  One step, one breath at a time.  We have found some kind of  peace.   Most of the time.  And then there are those other days where grief smothers all over again and nothing feels very much better at all.   Where we still cry in cafes and try to make sense all over again.    

My darling girl, we will never forget.  One thousand, one hundred thousand, I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).

S x

One Sunday last month, blue skies, market day.
Pretty things all in a row.
And then Crissy.
In a stall filled with bits, more trash than treasure, she waited.  The only thing sealed in plastic.
So, it seemed, she was precious.

“She’s pretty”, I said.
The lady smiled.
“How much do you want?”.
“Twenty-five dollars”, she told me, apology hovering. “See, she’s thirty six years old”.
She knew her age. Her child-hood doll. I bit my lip and frowned.

“She’s yours?”.  It seems she was.
I probed. My sentimental self couldn’t not. I encouraged her to keep Crissy.   I told her that I’d rather give her twenty five dollars and let her take her home.
I could not bare to see that doll just sold in a stall. Maybe it’s because I have not one single toy from my child-hood.
I saw her as priceless.

She quietly told me she was very unwell. That she had things to take care of.
She gestured to her best friend waiting to one side, also visibly upset at these life treasures being discarded.
She had no children, she lost her mother young. She didn’t need the doll any more.
I promised her Crissy would be well loved in our home.
We hugged.

I could have bought that doll when she told me the price. Thought no more, said nothing. The fear of over-stepping could have stopped me.   But it didn’t.  I made myself say out loud what swirled in my head.  I trusted.   And in return,  I was given a gift.  A reminder to cherish. When I see Crissy, I am grateful.  That I have my Mum here, that I have a daughter to hand that pretty doll to.   That I am not selling my childhood treasures to take care of business.

Thank you Crissy.  You will be adored.

S x

1. 

   Shelley Torgerson says:

   September 30th, 2009 at 11:44 am

   I soo hope I get the actions! But even if I don’t I now have hours of blog and site checking out to do because of all these great recommendations! Thanks for the great idea. I hope no one has posted this one yet, I love this blog http://loveobsessinspire.typepad.com/my-blog/

We have a winner!  The magic post was no 407!  Congration Shelley..please email me for your Eye Candy actions set!  I would have had a Random.org screenshot to look all professional but lo and behold, for some reason my screen captures are coming out all black.  If anyone has a cure, I’d be thrilled…

Thankyou thankyou to everyone who contributed so many fantastic sites – I will definitely compile into a page for future reference.  I’m now suffering inspiration overload!

Evolve started this week and as always, it’s exciting and busy and wonderful to meet a great group of girls.  I’m so sorry to those who missed out this round, we had a lot of disappointed people but please be assured we’re changing this up over Decemeber/January which will make a difference to waitlists.

Thanks to Ivy’s Anty Ahngie, as my children call her, for the very sweet photo.