Six.
I’m hanging out washing. Taking in the crisp of the air and the blue of the sky which today seem strange and new and amplified. Only a little bit earlier on this clear August morning, it seems my waters broke. Not in a dramatic dear God get an ambulance the baby is coming kind of broke but enough to make me gather my pink rose pyjamas and clary sage oil. I ring her Daddy at kindy. Come home quickly, I say. And quickly, he does.
We travel down the highway. Forty minutes of excited chatter & nervous imagining. The knowing that we’re leaving our home a family of four for the last time. It’s my due date but more significantly, it’s the date Crayton’s mum left us, three years earlier. It feels right that I would be birthing on this day. I’ve waited so long to meet her. I am ready.
“You’re not ready”, the midwife tells us. Not yet. And still not after seven hours of walking and talking and willing and wishing. I ring my far away sister. “Please come. Please bring your blue cohosh and your massage hands and your calm. I need you. Come quickly”. And not very quickly at all it seems, she comes.
We walk that entire hospital. Inside and out. Moon shining bright, up stairs and down hills. With gritted teeth and willpower, real labor begins. It’s ten pm.
I sway. In her Daddy’s arms I’m rocking and breathing and almost believing I can do this. I’ve forgotten to unpack the oil. The soft music has been switched off. It’s one am.
The waves come and go and I’m not very sure any more and when I reach a point where I can no longer do this, I move to the bath. Angie tells me how well I’m doing while I’m pleading for it to be over, for her to be out, for anything to make it stop. I contemplate drowning myself. It is six am.
And then she is. Black hair, olive skin, eyes wide open. Finally, she is. I can barely hold her, I can barely believe. My dear, darling girl. My Ava.
Today, you would have become six. I can not greet you with a special hug. I cannot sing to you this day. I will not make your favorite breakfast nor see you open your gifts. It the day of your birth, but not a birthday, as we know it. You can not celebrate beside us but even still, we will forever cherish the day you came to be.
Happy Birthday, Superprincess Ava.
Love Mummy.
xxxxxxx
146 shared sentiments
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Happy Birthday Superprincess. Sheye, I borrowed a picture of Ava for my tribute to her on my blog. I hope you don’t mind. Thinking of you and your family today and always.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxohttp://3peasinapod-suz.blogspot.com/2009/08/avapink-sparkly-superprincess.html
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I’ve only recently found your blog but Ava will forever be in my heart. Hugs and prayers to you Sheye and Happy Birthday sweet Superprincess!
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We waited til it was August 22 here, and just celebrated Ava’s birthday with a special red velvet cupcake and caramel tim tam tea party. Love and hugs from PA USA. Sherri & Gaby XOXO
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Thinking of you and your family today. http://www.flickr.com/photos/12384282@N03/3846710322/ We had a small pink tea party in her honor.
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Happy Birthday Ava! Today, my son Lyrik and his friend Chloe, had a tea party in your honor; we also remembered our baby girl Libby, who we lost on August 16th 07, due to extreme prematurity. We ate pink frosted cupcakes (with Ava and Libby on them) in the park, and thought of you, our little angels.
Sending hugs from afar,
xoxo
Here’s a few images from our day……
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35966352@N04/3846732796/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35966352@N04/3846735458/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35966352@N04/3846733898/
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Happy birthday sweet Ava. We had a beautiful little tea party in the garden with pink cupcakes and milk. We baked & iced and threw sprinkles all around the kitchen and then ate and drank, sang and remembered, and just cherished this wonderful family time. Thank you for reminding us how simple it is to spend time like this together. My thoughts were with you all yesterday as always.
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Happy birthday, Ava. May our Father in Heaven keep you close as you light the way for your family to be with you for all eternity. You are clearly loved and missed.
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You are a magnificent mother!
I have tears in my eyes of the recollection of the day she was born!Take care!
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You are a magnificent mother!
I have tears in my eyes of the recollection of the day she was born!
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Happy Birthday Super Princess!
With love, from Buenos Aires, Argentina :)
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It´s difficult to write something that may touch your heart as you don´t know me, but please be sure that I can feel I know you, and I also feel some strange kind of love for you and your family, and I also strangely miss Ava. Maybe this is because you write in your blog with your heart, and I read it also with my heart.
It´s sadly true that you can´t celebrate her birthday, but it´s absolutely worth to celebrate the day she came to you, and changed your lifes forever.
Lots of love and millions of (((hugs)))
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Our tribute to Ava on our blog: http://apparentlybirdies.blogspot.com/
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Thinking of you today especially! Happy Birthday Sweet Ava girl…may you be dancing on the floors of heaven!
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Happy Birthday to you darling Ava, and to Sheye Happy Birthing Day. We think of you both most every day.
Hearts and kisses xxx
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Happy Birthday Ava, you are so missed by so many people…..Sheye, thank you for sharing your daughter with us, you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
I enjoyed cupcakes and pink milk with my beautiful baby girl today in honor of Ava, thank you for letting us share.
I send you my pictures from Canada….http://doublel-paperprincess.blogspot.com/
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My heart aches once again for your family…Happy Birthday to your sweet Angel.
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oh sheye. with so much love to you i send you and your family a big hug. annie released pink balloons for ava today. http://bluelimephoto.blogspot.com/2009/08/pink.html
we think of you so often. xo m.
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Happy birthday to sweet Ava,
a little tea party celebration was in order today..http://domiblurbs.blogspot.com/
xoxo
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Happy Birthday to dear Ava. Your words, as usual, brings tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. I’m always thinking of you xxx
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happy birthday ava. thank you for sharing her birth story. you are an amazing women and mother. blessings xxx
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your words are beautiful and moving and amazing.
thank you for making Ava a part of our lives too.
my son and niece had a tea party in honor of the sweet princess….
http://www.flickr.com/photos/28024587@N07/3847900755/much love,
tricia
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Hi Shaye, I first read through your blog one year ago and throughout the year have thought of Ava almost daily. Your words describe her so distinctly that my 2 year old reminds me of Ava. I mother differently because of your sharing of Ava and your family’s story. My family had a party for her today. My girls had so much fun and they call Ava their friend. We hope you like it. I especially wished a certain peace for you today. Even if only a moment.
http://yourangil.blogspot.com/2009/08/birthday-tea-party-for-ava.html
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oh, Happy Birthday, sweet Ava! May you always be a part of all of our hearts.. I thank God for letting your Mommy share your wonder with us… you are so loved…
hugs to you, sweet Sheye…
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I wanted you to know we celebrated Ava, on her birthday.
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s constantly in the back of my mind. Ava is never far from my heart.
http://www.mdawsongallery.com/funfamily/?p=676i wanted to bring more awareness about Ava’s story and the danger of hot cars.
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I must admit Sheye that I forgot about celebrating yesterday. But in a way, I did celebrate too, just indirectly.
I cherished the memory of my best friend, dead this month six months from suicide, by spending the late evening talking about him with his brother, for the first time since he died. It was the first time either of us felt strong enough to sit and speak about him. And it was just lovely, though quite emotional. Six months…gone so fast, but seems like just yesterday.
I’ve had three deaths of people I loved dearly in the last year. I know grief and healing all too well lately. So, my virtual friend, I can relate to these memories and keeping her in your heart. And though I did not know her, I feel your joy and pain…because that is all that matters.
What I would not give for my loved ones to be back here with us…but slowly, and surely, the magic and importance of when they were and how I loved them is making me realize I can live without them here…though I hate it unbearably. The lesson in life of the impact of the person, versus just the person…is, well, life changing. I think you know what I mean, especially as a mother. The pain is being replaced, slowly but surely, with gratefulness for the time shared…not just overpowered with the desperate desire to have them here. Havine seen you walk this path before…and now me walking it along behind you, it makes it all the more impactful.
God bless you and Ava. I’m sending belated blessings to her this morning…I’m buying a copy of her tea party print to hang in my daughter’s new bathroom.
Love to you all
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Your words touched my heart and my thoughts are with you and your family on this special day.
Happy 6th Birthday, Ava!
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dearest ava,
happy birthday sweet beauty. xx
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we released balloons for dear Ava on the 22nd. Amaya wished her Happy Birthday as they went up. I swear it looked like the clouds were coming down to grab them. Amaya said it was Ava reaching for her pretties. Happy birthday Super Princess!!
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Happy birthday to you darling Ava…
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Happy birthday to you darling Ava…
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the light of your life still shines so beautiful and bright Ava…thank you for coming…. We are so blessed by your precious life.
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Happy Birthday to the Super Princess.
We had pink cupcakes too, and I shared one with my daughter in memory of Ava.
I blogged it here http://thecruetset.blogspot.com/
All my love Sheye, Jo x
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Happy Birthday Ava! You have touched so many, especially me. Thank you!
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Happy Birthday Ava!!!!!!!! Hugs to you darling Sheye!!!!!
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just wanted to share with you the blog post of our ava celebration…
http://www.dillowayfamily.blogspot.com
hope you and yours are surrounded by love always but especially during this tougher time.
hugs
emily
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All I can say is Ava has changed the world so much in her short life …. every time I think of her story, I hug my children tighter and say a little prayer for your heart and your family … Happy Birthday, Ava …you will spend the birthday dancing in the arms of Jesus… what a beautiful celebration of your sweet soul.
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Happy birthday to the Super Princess Ava.
My heart goes out to you and your family. May God continue to bless your family with peace and wonderful memories.
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Happy Birthday to your sweet sweet princess ~ thinking of you and yours –
xoxo
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oups seems it never submitted…
Dear Sheye, again thank you so much for sharing Ava’s Birth Celebration with us. How amazing to know that pink milk, tea, cupcakes and most of all love was shared around the world.
Here are the pictures of our little celebration http://vanessadeane.blogspot.com/
Would have like to apply my newly purchase candy actions, but was having some tech difficulties with my PC. will edit soon.With much love and admiration – Vanessa
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Happy Birthday Ava :) I thought of you & your Mummy, Daddy & brothers & sister often. We still send balloons up to you after we get home from every party – I hope they colour your world up there & giggle a little louder because of it :) xox
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Happy birthday Ava!! What a princess indeed. You will have tea parties in heaven, I’m sure of it!!
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Beautiful Sheye!..Sorry I missed it, but I was having beautiful thoughts for you all that day :)
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My daughter turns 6 at the start of August…at the end of August I will think of your Ava and smile…
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
Happy birthday Superprincess!