Distance, Irrelevant.
My best friend and I have never lived in the same city. Well no, that’s not true. We have, but we weren’t best friends then. We sat across from one another in art and tried to out-do one another with sarcasm and wit. I didn’t like her head full of hair accessories nor her penchance for drama and she didn’t like my..um, I don’t know actually, what she didn’t like. But we made a sport of irritating one another.
And then one unexpected day, my Grandmother died. At that point, while my parents worked overseas, I lived with my “ma”. While trying to find my lost self in that Whole New World called Grief, I found a friend in Jennifer. She’d lost her Grandad, she understood. We spent an afternoon in this park. It was 1989.
We’ve been best friends ever since. And most of that time has been spent far apart. But we make do..and for every step of my adult life, Jennifer has been there. For all the good times.. the holiday times, the squealing down the phone “I’m pregnant” times. And for the very, very bad times. She has not faltered. “I’m not going anywhere“..she’s told me too many times to count. The distance is irrelevant.
In 2002 we both found out we were expecting girls. Three weeks apart. We marveled and rejoiced. We planned and dreamed and come nine months later, we birthed. Aria and Ava. Our girls. They met but twice. As tiny babies and as three year olds. And they connected like sisters. They shared a love of all things pink, princess and sparkly, and of the word “bumba”. They held our hopes for a lifetime of friendship to mirror our own. The distance was irrelevant.
One of our many plans for our girls included a garden tea party . We dreamed up all the details, the pretty pink china had been bought, the location discussed over glasses of wine on holidays late at night. I could see it all so clearly in my head. More than a simple tea party though, it felt like a celebration of our own friendship. The planning was half the fun. And, along with so very many other things, we never got the chance.
The missing of Ava never goes but the details of the missing change every day. The lost moments fade in and out..the turning of four, the start of school, the first ballet lesson. Ava’s Tea Party, and the missing of it, have never faded. I yearned for it the week she left, I yearn for it now. What has changed is that I took my missing and handed it to Mandy. And a little while later, she gave me back this.
To have turned my sadness and my missing and my regret into such beauty, to have shown me what this day might have looked like. I can hear the chatter, I can smell the forest. I have sat and stared and breathed in this moment. It leaves me without words.
It’s not just Ava’s though, this belongs to Aria and Jennifer too. While I’m so honored to be able to share this illustration, the story behind it is also too precious for me not to share. I see it and am reminded of what I already know..that there is not always tomorrow, that I am eternally grateful for best friends, that life is surprising, that days with our children are such a gift and that distance is irrelevant.
S xx
ps Mandy has very kindly donated the A4 print to me to make available for sale at a special price. I’m thrilled to say that you may purchase Ava’s Tea Party here.
that is a beautiful tea party illustration and a lovely tribute to Ava, Aria and Jennifer. you know when we were younger we all used to say ‘boys come and go, but friends are to stay for life’? as we grow, the phrase change a little, and gradualy we all know that true friends stay no matter what happens.
I am really sorry for your loss Sheye, as well as Aria’s loss of a best friend. But like the previous blog post on Ivy, I am sure that Aria will understand. And that memory, like a clinging vine, never fades.
I loved it completely even before I saw the squirrel! And the mouse, the spotty shoes, the bluebirds in the tree and is that Ivy on Luca’s knee? Breathtaking, that’s just what it is:)
Hi Sheye
I also fell in love with this the instant I saw it. If there was ever a picture that spoke a thousand words, this would be it.
I have just sent you an email about this.
Elise
I fell in love with the print (as I did with the others in the series) instantly. But, having read the story behind the illustration makes it that much more precious.
Hugs to you for all those dreams that are merely visions of what might have been. HUGS too just because.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, all of it!
It’s perfect and gorgeous!
Such a beautiful breathtaking vision.
Thank you so much for sharing that story. It is such a beautiful illustration – and seems all the more so now that I know the story behind it x
I’ve never seen such a beautiful interpretation of a dream…what a glorious gift that picture is! Thank you SO much for posting it here, sharing the gift with us, and telling the background story.
Oh my….it is gorgeous!!! every time you look you see something else! It is the perfect tea party. As for the best friends. I also disliked mine at first sight. New Kids on the Block brought us together and in November we just saw them in concert again. Almost 20 years since we first met and I still know she is there for me every single day no matter what. She is my sister found so I totally get it. :)
It’s amazing. You can tell who is who straight away, and I comepletely got lost in the picture. It’s just beautiful.
You must have been so touched. x
that is priceless!
I still think you should do the tea party, for real, with Ivy and Aria!! You would definately still have Ava there in spirit and honoring her. It would still be lovely! THis is so perfect and so beautiful and thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
tara
Everything about this post is incredibly beautiful. The bond you and Jennifer have. Ava. Aria. ..and that illustration…well, I can’t seem to find any other word for it than utterly ‘perfect’ in every way.
Just beautiful honey.
K xx
I have only just come across your blog after visiting Mandy’s blog this morning…
Thank you for sharing your story. Ava’s Tea Party is simply breath taking!! I hope you dont mind but I had to blog about it on my blog… I also had to order one!!
Beck x
Oh my.
I do hope Jen has tissues at hand when she reads this…. I don’t and I should have.
I just don’t know what to say. What a priceless image of what should have been.
I need that print:)
Love xxxx
Thank you yet again Sheye for the reminder to hold close those that are precious and those dreams that are special to us. I know how close you can be to someone who is separated by distance. Jennifer is a lucky girl to be your best friend (I’m sure she knows that).
Ava’s tea party is magical.
I will certainly be purchasing one for my daughters room and it will remind us everyday how lucky we are (just as Ava’s magnets on our fridge and Ava’s stickers on our computer and car do everyday).
You have brought me to tears and made me smile all at the same time from across the world. Ava must be spinning with glee (as little girls do) in heaven at the creation of this beautiful work of art. Bless your heart Sheye and bless your memories of Ava. What a precious soul she is.
Oh Sheye,
What a very special gift! I am in awe of it. I have never even allowed myself to dream up such beautiful moments that my son would have had..you truely are blessed with such freindships and love. I am so happy for you, and also I tear up a little with you also…Shi~
perfect, perfect and perfect some more. xoxo
You must get together and have a tea party to honor Ava. Ivy would love it and we know Ava would be smiling down on it all.
She did such an amazing job ~ as always! The illustration is perfect in every way. I agree with the thought of having a tea party in honor of Ava :)
Mandy certainly did capture what we have dreamed up. It is bittersweet. This image evokes such strong emotion in me. But I know you understand. You know me as if you had sewn me…..”And sunday evening always has this sense of something good about to end…i know we hold our breaths for tomorrow, and i think im gonna write my name
into all the books you love so well, since you can read me good my girl
yeah you can always read me well…”
And that says just what i need to say right now.
I love you. And I’m not going anywhere. xxx
What an amazing picture! I love every color and detail. I swear you could create a novel from all your stories like this one that intrigue us to read every word, and then think about it again ten times over. Thankyou again for sharing this with us.
xo
-Amanda
I have a big lump in my throat. The story and the artwork are both divine. So many things to treasure, to love. Friendships like this are priceless… and timeless too.
Sheye, what a gorgeous keepsake of your beautiful little Ava. You continually amaze me with your wonderful stories about your gorgeous little girl. And the great thing is you have shared the love by making us cuddle our little ones extra tight. Hope tomorrow is yet again a little easier than today!
Oh.my.goodness. Mandy’s artwork is simply breathtaking. Magical. Here’s a favorite saying of mine about friendship.
A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
your words consistently take my breath away. beautiful as always.
absolutely perfect, s…
all the brother and sister-friends
and ava’s spotties:)
l,
d xxxxx… x
I just found your blog this weekend as I was perusing photography sites. I must tell you that I am absolutely taken with your story. I am not a very emotional kind of gal. I didn’t cry at my wedding nor at the birth of my two beautiful daughters. These were amazingly sepcial moments in my life, but no tears here…just not me (shhh, I did cry at their baptisms, however). But, I sobbed my eyes out as I read your beautiful entries regarding your precious Ava. Oh my, your writing really touched me. You are such an artist, not only in your photography, but in your writing. Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are in my constant prayers. Your pictures of Ava are so beautiful and angelic and your writing portray this beauty perfectly. Your newest blog reader~ Joey in Dayton,Ohio
sheye, this is so gorgeous. mandy is such a star. thank you for sharing.
jules xo
What a wonderful and wonderfully talented friend you have – we all need one or two of those in our lives and I’m glad you found one in Mandy. The print is just lovely, and the pictures of Ava and Aria are stunning. The light and the white and those beautiful innocent faces are perfection. Also, your story of friendship makes me ache for my BFF Gina and her 4 year old Sophia, best friend to my own son. They moved across the country 5 months ago and though as you say, distance is irrelevant in close friendships, it is much different loving them from afar than it was when we were practically neighbors. We miss them. On another note, I met a dear friend sitting across from her in Creative Writing. We did not like each other. I thought she was a smart aleck, she called me “Polly Perfect” behind my back. A year later we were thrown together as roommates while studying abroad in Italy and against all odds, we bonded like sisters. Even got matching tattoos. Three years ago she was killed in a car accident at age 22. Exactly one year later – to the very hour – my son was born. I know that is not a coincidence. He has her feistiness and sense of humor. I feel like I somehow have a little piece of her in him. Is that weird?
Sheye, you have the perfect oppotunity here. Have you ever thought of hosting an “Ava’s Tea Party’ Fundraiser? You could use the day to further spread the word of the dangers of ‘Cars and Children’ whilst raising money for .. maybe a hospital or something for sick Children. Have a think about it, i recon YOU could pull it off! I know you already have an overwhelmingly busy life but hey whats one more thing … and think of all those little smiling faces & squeals of delight … princess’s would gather from far & wide.
I just saw this print over at Belle & Boo and have to agree with your words. I can imagine Ava playing there happily with her family and friends… beyond that there are no words.
Love,
Tania
Beautiful, perfect and so touching.
You write the most wonderful blog posts from your heart and your photography is amazing.
I have been reading through a link on a friends blog and have now added yours to my list of favourites.
i.love.those pictures of aria and ava. they are stunning. you are such an inspiration to me as a photographer and these photos are a reason why. they are so natural. i was wondering is that gorgeous light natural light through a window or did you use a strobe? gorgeous.
Thank you Sheye, this is so touching and has left me dashing for a tissue. So precious. Thank you for sharing the beautiful, sweet story and the perfect drawing. I got lost in it.
Thank you so much Sheye for constantly sharing your beautiful stories and memories with us all….
Mandy is simply too talented and Ava’s & Aria’s Tea Party print is PERFECT and fit for princesses…
You amaze me every time I come to visit you here…. you amaze me…
Ebz xoxo
I would like to buy that print to remind me to never EVER take life and especially my daughter for granted…..thankyou…
The pics of the girls – such beauty…
And the print – it takes my breathe away.
So so beautiful.
I feel so grateful to have found your blog Sheye and to have read Ava’s story. What a beautiful tribute to a precious little girl and to her strong and loving family. This picture took my breath away and Ava’s story brought tears to my eyes. I’ve just bought Ava’s tea party and I can’t wait to share Ava’s tea party with my little girl; it will be something we will always treasure for what it represents.
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