Boring is good.
More than ten years ago while I was pregnant with Luca, my obstetrician used to say “boring is good”. As chirpy first time parents, we’d go in, excitedly waiting to hear something amazing. But frustratingly, he’d tell us nothing very amazing at all. That’s what we’d get.. “boring is good”.
And then, not very long after, I found myself in the depths of PND. Post natal depression, for those lucky enough to have no idea what I’m talking about.
Here was this gorgeous baby, the one I had been so blessed in being given without so much as a second request. The one I’d prepared the all white nursery and bought European rompers and bonnets with ears for. The same one I’d meticulously planned to birth naturally with aromatherapy oil, well rehearsed affirmations and candle-light. The very one who turned breech and arrived, jaundiced, via c section in a hospital theater with my husband and nine other people in blue gowns.
Whether it was the Virgo, the first time mother or the perfectionist in me I don’t know but whatever it was, I couldn’t quite come to terms with any of it really. Not the clinical birth, not the awkward breastfeeding, not the relentless effort that being in charge of a newborn requires. Nor the fact that a week after his arrival, Crayton had to leave for overseas when his Mum suddenly collapsed with a brain tumor. I felt totally out of my depth and would sit alone for hours not knowing what to even say to the poor child. The minute he’d cry, I would too. The reality just wasn’t matching the picture one little bit. I hated to admit it but eventually I did. I had PND.
It was a rough start but I sought good help. Crayton came home, Luca slept through. I started to enjoy motherhood. And to prove the point, I did it three more times over. I since know a lot more about PND. I’ve been lucky that it wasn’t a factor with the other three and been blessed to feel the elation that new motherhood can offer too.
As I tucked Luca in tonight, I pondered our early days together. While I would have liked an easier time back then, I do appreciate the lessons that came with the journey. I’ve got a little older, possibly a bit wiser, and discovered along the way that sometimes life just doesn’t go according to the Grand Scheme. I’ve found out more than once that the best laid plans, well they go rather astray every now and again.
And that my ob was right. Boring is good.
S x
(I had to share Luca’s portrait – a mix between the Mona Lisa and one of the Gibb brothers, don’t you think? Oh, and Eye Candy Actions draw will be on Wednesday!)
41 shared sentiments
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he’s gorgeous in every way!! he has such a look about him. he’s smart and thougtful isn’t he? i can tell. so many women think they are failures if they don’t feel IT right away, PND can be so traumatic. i was lucky but some of my friends not so much – time heals all and boring IS good. xo
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He is an absolutely beautiful boy, Sheye!
I too suffered from PPD (here in the US we call it Post Partum Depression) with each of my children. It was truly awful. It seemed as though all the color drained from my world (without any reason), and I was just sad down to my core. Such a bad time, it was. (And then the PPD was even WORSE with my second child.)However, if that is the “price” I had to pay for my kids, then it was worth it.
PS. I had a beautiful dream about Heaven earlier this week. I almost never remember my dreams, and this one was incredibly vivid, and joy-filled. It’s on my blog if you’d like to come read it.
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Sheye he is just so so handsome.. and has the eyes of an angel.. and a truely wonderful post as well.
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My Monday is just starting and happy to see your post. Beautiful boy you have. Sweet boring Dreams.
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Yes indeed, boring can be good. Luca is gorgeous, simply beautiful. :o)
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My daughter (11) would LOVE him if she knew him. He’s “her type” (according to her!).
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Happy Birthday Luca! What a handsome boy Sheye. He does look like a Gibb brother!! I had PPD after my second baby. It didn’t start until he was 2 months old. He almost died at birth and then had to be monitored for 2 months afterwards. When everything was settled is when I realized I wasn’t. It was the worst 3+ months. I felt ashamed and told very few people about it although it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Thanks for sharing.
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
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Beautiful boy (my six year old hates when I call him that)…but he really is! Love the photo!
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You have such a great perspective on life! Beautiful picture!
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He’s such a spunk Sheye! AND he is looking more and more like you….
Depression of any sort is horrid ~ misunderstood by many unfortunately. That’s (in part) what makes it so hard for its sufferers imo.
xx
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Hes such a georgous human being.
Gosh, that couldn’t have been easy Sheye. Expecially admitting to the disease.
Yet again proving that you are one of the strongest people I know.
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Gorgeous young man. You must be so proud to be his Momma.
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you and your husband make some of the most gorgeous children i have ever seen! and you’re right, boring is good ;)
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That’s what my dad always said to me when I was a kid. I always wanted grand adventures and had a huge imagination with enormous life plans. My dad would say “that’s nice, honey, but just remember that boring is good.” And he meant it for everything – for life as a whole, for relationships, for pregnancy, for parenthood, for all of it =)
So, of course I’m biased, but I think your OB was dead on!
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He is going to break a few hearts…he is gorgeous.
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I learned very similar lessons in just slightly different ways. Oh to go back and do it all over with the knowledge and confidence we possess now! I guess we’ll have to wait for life to make us grandparents. =)
Luca is a handsome soul. He has thrived on love- that’s obvious.
Thinking of you as I often do…xo.
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I cried buckets when J.T. was a newborn. I had waited and waited for him and he was born and I wanted him to be back in for at least another month! I was so overwhelmed, so disappointed that the instant happiness every baby clothing/shampoo/formula ad promised was eluding me. My sister later shared with me that she had PND too. I’m very glad that it is much more discussed now. I thought there was something wrong with me. That first smile made all the ‘newborn work’ worthwhile, but the first months were bumpy.
When Abby was born, I was better prepared… I knew I didn’t have to do everything myself and accepted offers for meals, put off the laundry so I could nap and considered a clean, fed baby and a clean, fed toddler a successful day.
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The eyes have it. What a handsome, handsome boy he is.
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Thanks you for sharing……
I believe I have suffered from PPD with my son. Being a mother is the most important job, and at times it is very overwhelming. The photo is wonderful; you have beautiful children.
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What a gorgeous photo.
Babies sure are the hardest work there is. And no one prepares you, there is no training to tell you exactly how to handle situations. I definitely had a mild case of PND with both of my children. It’s hard not to fall into it when you feel things are spinning out of control and you see no end in sight. :)
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My mom had postnatal depression every time.
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One look in those deep brown eyes tells you what a precious little soul he must be. My son (who is my first child as well) in nine and I am very aware of the feelings you described after having him. I always think of my son as my “training wheels” child. He is beautiful; I think you should keep him.
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Sheye~ He is so Beatuiful! Gorgeous! Watch Out for those girls…Very soon the next step of parenting…Just when you thought you had it all figured out…hehehe blessings Shi~
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I did when trough the same with my first one, second time around was a little easier and just when my second was 3 months old I started to read about Ava and turn thins around now I appreciate and try to get calm but I has to admit it is hard sometimes and many times I do feel like crying.
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Oh Sheye,
I really, really, REALLY needed this today. Thank you. I had horrible PPD (what we call it here in the states) with my little angel Lucy. I’m am due this week with a little boy…and while I have felt peace and comfort, strength beyond my own this week as I try to prepare for his birth and all that it entails, I made the mistake of watching an Oprah episode on motherhood today and it scared the wits out of me. Those early newborn days are grueling. I’m worried what kind of layers of emotions it is all going to bring not having Lucy here, the memory of HER birth, the wondering if Peter will die too…
You give me hope that I can make it. I can do it. Somehow, we all can. And you do it so gracefully.
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I failed to mention that Luca is an absolute beauty. Stunning.
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Dear Sheye… I have read your blog for such a long time now… given to me by a dear friend after I lost my adorable James (age 17). This post is so poignant. A wise friend (who lost a 17 year old brother many years ago) once told me, “His death defines our family. ” Then he surprised me by adding “And some of those ways are good”. I was so raw at the time, that I couldn’t comprehend it. But now I do. You have experienced so very much sorrow in your life Sheye. I don’t know if you would agree with my friend, but I can certainly find wisdom here. And generous honesty. Thank you so much. Inspired by you, I wrote a “50 things I love about James” post for his birthday, and linked to you. I hope that others will find here, what I have. Solace and understanding. And inspiration. Love to you. You gave Ava everything she needed on this earth… Erin
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Oh, here is a link to my post linking to you: http://tolibbywithlove.blogspot.com/2009/03/godspeed-little-man-sweet-dreams-little.html
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Thanks for the wonderful read!! This portrait damn near stopped my heart, what a gorgeous little man. I must talk to you about v-bac, as I know you had your girls naturally after. I had two sections and am finding it near impossible to get any good v-bac encouragement.
xo
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just beautiful
xx
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beautiful…
really, that is what your children are. i don’t know if you have seen the movie “Australia!”, but the most darling little boy that is in it reminds me of yours kids.. something about the eyes..
Anyway… this was a perfect post. I too struggle after having a baby.. something not ENOUGH women talk about.
Once again.. you are a rockstar
I also just purchased me some Sheye Original Eyecandy!!! I can’t wait to start using the actions! I am going to be needing loads of help!!!
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Beautiful picture!
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Good on you for sharing this Sheye. If only more on PND could be more ‘out there’ so that others who go through it could know that they are not simply ‘not coping’
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HOLY CRAP SHEYE
did you ever realise you had that many followers ???
I’m just playing catch up on your blog and decided to enter you comp as I have just bought my camera. Talk about no chance of winning when I saw the number of comments LOL…………
but anyway I decided what the heck and put in a word to sum up the direction I heading in in my life (fingers and all crossed along the way).
LURVE that picture of your gorgeous buy. I to have learnt especially this year having to put Logan in a Specialist School away from his beloved brothers that life doesn’t go as planned.
BUT WE ARE BETTER STRONGER FAMILIES FOR IT :)
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he’s your boy not a buy sorry
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What a beautiful portrait and a very insightful post. Thank you!
x
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The way that you share your life, the good, and the bad is truly beautiful…
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I actually am suffering right now for the fourth time around with PPD. It’s nice to hear someone else talking about it, because I don’t think it is talked about enough. I too, like someone else mentioned just feel so very sad to the core. Describes it perfectly. A beautiful post, and of course your son is beautiful as well. :)
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love the portrait. simple and amazing.
thank you for allowing us all into your world!
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Ooooh ma gawd Sheye…..that there is one fine looking boy you have! Cue the little chickie babes hanging off either arm in say……about 5 years time!!! Would you do it all over again (including the PND?)….me thinks so. I did & would too for my 10yr old (Ruby). Thanks for sharing xx
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
the portrait is so perfect! and I have to agree, I’m only twenty and I’m slowly learning that, I’ve been a perfectionist and I try to lay everything out exactly as I want it but I know when the time comes it probably won’t happen even remotely close to how I want it too… lol.