A thousand hearts.
Ava would often come into the bathroom when I was getting ready. She always asked for “lips”. Sometimes I said yes, bending down and giving her a quick wave of lip gloss and sometimes I didn’t.
Too busy, too tired, too expectant that there would be tomorrow.
That’s life, I know, but of course I wish I could do it over.
The wishing is also a gift though, not just a regret. Ivy can have the lips. She can stand on the basin. She can play in my brushes. She can even use the thirty four dollar lip-gloss for nail-polish. It’s all more than fine by me. I’ll just stand back and be glad.
I love these moments. It make me feel that, at least some of the time, my resolution to approach life and parenting differently after losing Ava is still in place. Of course I want my lessons to be everyone’s lessons but let it be said..For all the different ways I go about my day since Ava left, I still get tired and impatient and shout. I don’t want to be perceived as a perfect parent because I’m not. I still fall down, I still get grumpy and I still think parenting is one of the toughest gigs on Earth.
But what I do have, just underneath all of that, is an appreciation for their being that completely fills me..it never wanes. I can be so fed up with the fighting and the pesting and the complaining but still be so very grateful they’re here to do just that.
I have a card, it says I love you with a thousand hearts. And that’s what I do, every single day, I love them with one thousand hearts.
S x
55 shared sentiments
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(dana munnings sister in law..hee hee:)
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So true. I understand,too, how you can love them so deeply even when we are still but human. People call me odd when I say things like, “I’m grateful for teething.” It doesn’t mean that I’m grateful for the difficult part of it exactly, but just for the chance to have that. It’s the shadows that give us the capacity to see the light, and I am grateful for even the darkness.
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Beautiful. The words. The pictures. The moments. Ava. Ivy. You. All completely and stunningly beautiful.
Luvs,
K
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“Life has to end, love doesn’t” You immediately came to mind when I heard this quote. There are SO many mommies loving in a bigger way and little ways too because of Ava, me included!
These pictures speak to my girly side and I just can’t pick a favorite, although I am a sucker for precious little feet! And do tell the origin of that simply gorgeous frock.
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Yes. Exactly that. I get it, I really do. Lily has most definitely benefited from our loss. I sorely regret Han didn’t get to reap those rewards as she would have so dearly loved them. There are no guarantees for tomorrow, only for the here and now.
The photos of Miss Delish are just that. :o)
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Laura, the frock is Target. From $23 to $13. Dontya love that? :)
S x
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Beautiful Pictures,
Beautiful Words,
I completely get it!!!
You do too, and how wonderful is that.
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Sheye, your lesson does have an impact on my parenting. I do have moments when I don’t appreciate my girl – then a second later, I think of you, of Ava – and I get down on the floor to play.
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Every single day, I tell myself how lucky I am to have Kara in my life and appreciate her so much ~ every minute with her is a gift.
Thank you so much Super Princess.
x
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I have never taken anything for granted … I never think ‘that will never happen to me’. Bad things don’t just happen to the ugly or the poor or the bad people … they could happen to anyone of us. I remember a nurse saying to me when my first child was a new born, she said “Oh god don’t have the monitor on all night you’ll never get any sleep, you’ll hear every sound the baby makes” … I kept that monitor on every night! i cherished every sound he made. If i ever lost him i’d want nothing more than to hear those sounds in the middle of the night. You are an amazing person. Your children are alive in your photography. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but it’s also the most wonderful job in the world. Love to an unknown friend x
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Such beautiful images. And such beautiful words. You truly have inspired so many of us mamas who sometimes forget to step back and simply revel in our tiny people. Thank you for that.
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Beautifully written post, and lovely pictures as always. Your words actually moved me to tears, which your posts often do, but this one in a different way – a warmer, softer, happier kind of tears. Thank you for being candid and genuine. I don’t think there is a mother on the planet who doesn’t lose her patience sometimes. I think I probably lose mine more than most, although I wish I had more self control and less of a tendency to raise my voice when exasperated. It is comforting to know that you, a mother I so admire, has weak moments too. But please know that your words and stories inspire me to love my children more deeply and forgive them more easily for their misbehaviors. I have even found myself thinking of Ava in a moment of frustration, and then soften toward my toddler in gratitude that I can reach out and stroke his hair, when what I really wanted to do seconds before was wring his neck. Thanks to you – and to sweet Ava – for helping me live in the moment more often. God Bless you.
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thank you so much, sheye. i have had one of those weeks and you have, once again, reminded me to be thankful and gratful of “those weeks”. ( i feel ridiculous even suggesting that my week was difficult considering where you’ve been and what you’ve been through)your story and posts have made such an impact on my life. thank you…. “a thousand times”.
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I love your blog with a thousand hearts! :) Thanks (as usual) for the reminder of what’s most important in life.
XOXO, Sarah Q
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Sara Q stole my message :)
“I love yor blog with a thousand hearts”Hope it is okay to hear that twice..
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“Of course I want my lessons to be everyone’s lessons”
They are.
Probably more than you know.
I am that type of mother anyway – I must admit.
I have always worked with children. I adore them.
When I had my own children my wishes (from about 12 years of age) came true and I adore them so much I cold explode.
BUT
because of you and Ava I have more patience and more appreciation on ‘those’ kind of days (you know the ones).
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reminders of how lucky I am when I’m having one of ‘those’ days.
xx
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your blog is so inspiring
I was nearly in tears when I read that Ivy is using lipgloss for her nails
parenting is hard, and we always grumble. but I’m sure 10 years later, we’ll miss all these beautiful moments :)
you have a beautiful heart and a beautiful family, Sheye. Thank you for inspiring us. Ava will sure approve of this.
Hugs,
Lynn
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Beautiful… Ivy, the photos, your sentiments… You said it perfectly… and you probably have no idea how many people you and Ava and your beautiful family have affected and influenced… You and your superprincess make me appreciate every day… (and yes, it can be hard sometimes!).
Lots of love
Clara
xo xo
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Heya Sheye! Oooooh those little tootsies on the basin are very ‘cutie patootie’!! Thanks for sharing. As a Mum myself I think it’s our perogative to have a ‘shout’ every now & then. Any parent who disagrees is either delusional or……yeah no, just delusional! It’s the unconditional love that draws us in. Our kids are like the sweetest drug. Would’nt have it any other way for all it’s up & downs.
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What perfectly gorgeous photos of the perfectly gorgeous little Ivy… Your photos are sensational and make me so jealous.. I would love to be able to capture things the way you do with your camera.
It’s so easy to forget to appreciate our little ones and their funny ways, and you remind me everytime I read your blog, that life is precious…
Beautiful photos and beautifully written.
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Love this post. So honest and real.
I also love #3 – she is just beautiful and the processing is lovely.
xo
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Thank you thank you Sheye for being so honest. I was beating myself up for not being more patient even though I understand we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow as a do-over. I have learned to appreciate every single moment through you and Ava although it can be very trying at times. The pictures of Ivy are precious. I love that she’s putting lip gloss on her toes!!!
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
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I know the world is right when I read your motherly posts…
grumpiness, yelling, happiness and love… all make us real.
thanks for posting your honesty!
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How beautiful that was written,Sheye!
Made me pause and think about how true that must be.I still read and enjoy your blog and forever will.It touches me deep down in my heart .As we nearly lost…Thank you for sharing.Love the photos of the children.They are amazing.
Lots of love,Monja x
PS:I hope the Babushka`s has found their safe way to your home and your beautiful children ;)
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Thank you Sheye! These images are so special…LOVE #1 #3 #4 ok, that’s not even fair…they ALL melt me!
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I let Abby paint her toes a few months ago, all by herself. Without any polish remover in the house. Just got around to scrubbing it off the floor last week. It was worth her absolute joy at being a big girl, able to do the polish without help from me.
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Ivish is looking so grown up in that pony taiL!
these are precious photos sheye.
and of course, NOBODY is the perfect parent, we would never expect you to be no matter what. But what is great, is that you have something inside you that you didn’t have before and you share it with us and because of it, we are all trying to be better parents. thank you for that.
love, tara
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Better parents, and better grandparents!! Miss Ella spends Sundays with us, and I’ve learned that it’s okay for her to root through my jewelry box, dig through my make up and polish MY nails (which she does in a left-handed circular motion–oh oh so lovely!)
Everything can be fixed, place back in proper order later in the week. She will only be three once, and I cherish all the moments.
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My mother always said that the perfect parent was one who loved their children, inside out and backwards and upside down, who appreciated their children, day in and day out, and who did their best.
So by that measure, you’re doing just fine =) These are lovely images, too, she’s really growing up!
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these photos are absolutely STUNNING!!!! what amazes me is how these little creatures know to put lip gloss on lips and toes and twirls in their dresses. i love the beauty of a little girl. i love how you let ivy play with your “things” – it’s truly what it’s all about. i love when annie goes in my closet and comes out with something wrapped around her little body. it makes my heart thump even louder. she’s a beauty, that ivy girl. xo to you sheye girl. m.
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I am so looking forward to the day when my 8 month old granddaughters can come spend the night at grandma’s. There will be a basket of all things pretty for them to dive into. The word “no” is not used in grandma’s house!!
Ivy looks so proud of herself in the last picture – ‘got my gloss on pretty straight, looking good, I rock’
Weloveyou with onethousandhearts.
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amazing. touching and true all together. thank you for sharing sheye.
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Today I hugged my children extra tight ~ thank you for this post ~ for sharing.
Ivy is just gorgeous ~ just as her big sister was.
You are never far from my thoughts XXXX
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Thank you, Sheye.
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Another beautiful, gentle reminder. Even without reading this lovely post, I always think of Ava and ‘allow’ stuff that I might not have done otherwise… Thank you again Sheye. with love xx
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Thinking of you as I start my Tuesday.
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;)
l,
d xxxxx… x
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Those pictures are so dreamy and that Ivy is so beautiful.
Thank you for being so true and honest, Sheye.
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Sheye, your words inspire me to be a better mom…my daughter, Liv, calls it “lips” as well…so wonderful those little details are! God bless!
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::huggles::
Lovely girl! I bet you she paints her toe nails better then I!
I love your post Sheye, and I’m glad you are loving and savoring these moments. :)
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I hear you. It never changes either. Enjoy every single silly moment of the child rearing days. It truely is your biggest Bestest acomplishment in this life! Hands Down…Blessing to you.Shi~
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Needed this. Thank you. I’ve come here a thousand times, and will come a thousand more…
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Precious xx
Love the target bargain!
Ash has been such a good girl this week too. Geez i struggled last week.
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I loved this post – that we should put off what does not matter and live life more fully because tomorrow is not promised to everyone. And wow – Ivy looks soooo mature in that last photo!
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Sheye, your words and photos so often bring me to tears, and this one is no exception. We can never be reminded too often of how fortunate we are, to have who we have. When my children scream at each other, I remind myself that I’m glad that they have a voice and can use it. When they’re banging around the house, I remind myself that I’m glad that they have that mobility. Now when they ignore me, I remind myself that they can hear perfectly fine and they’re just choosing to tune me out! But I’m glad they’re smart enough to have figured that out too! And I’m always glad and thankful for you, and your decision to share here. Love Sherri
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i just love these girly moments – your photos and words just bought it to life and make me treasure what i have and realise how nuch i would miss it if it was no longer there!
since reading your blog ive been saying yes so much more… to braids when we are running soooo late for school i really should say no… to nail polish for the third time in an hour because it got smudged cause lulu couldnt sit still but she has to have them perfect. so much more too…
i am thankful to you for that gift x
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Your work is spectacular. Love your style.
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Sheye, I’m so excited! My husband fixed my computer & I can see your blog now! (It kept saying the link was broken before.) Ivy looks like such a big girl here! My daughter just turned 2 & is now getting into all the girly things, too. Thank you for reminding me to let her have fun, even if it’s the $30 lip gloss she wants to use. :)
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Dear Sheye.Whilst looking on the net for Abbey Mcculloch art i stumbled across your blog.What was going to be a quick look before getting back to my search ended in an all day readathon(was on dial up at the time so pics took forever to load.) with a box of tissues.
You are an absolute inspiration! Photography is a hobby of mine and you are now my muse. Photography is more than just an art its an emotion,feeling,a story waiting to be told or a story explained.
Just wanted to say thank you for sharing.
kind regards kim. p.s. On broadband now and although its quicker i still spend as much time as before admiring your work. x
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
lovely…many blessings in your day today:)