55 sentiments shared

A thousand hearts.

Ava would often come into the bathroom when I was getting ready. She always asked for “lips”. Sometimes I said yes, bending down and giving her a quick wave of lip gloss and sometimes I didn’t.
Too busy, too tired, too expectant that there would be tomorrow.
That’s life, I know, but of course I wish I could do it over.

The wishing is also a gift though, not just a regret. Ivy can have the lips. She can stand on the basin. She can play in my brushes. She can even use the thirty four dollar lip-gloss for nail-polish.   It’s all more than fine by me.    I’ll just stand back and be glad.

I love these moments.  It make me feel that, at least some of the time, my resolution to approach life and parenting differently after losing Ava  is still in place.  Of course I want my lessons to be everyone’s lessons but let it be said..For all the different ways I go about my day since Ava left, I still get tired and impatient and shout. I don’t want to be perceived as a perfect parent because I’m not. I still fall down, I still get grumpy and I still think parenting is one of the toughest gigs on Earth.

But what I do have, just underneath all of that, is an appreciation for their being that completely fills me..it never wanes. I can be so fed up with the fighting and the pesting and the complaining but still be so very grateful they’re here to do just that.

I have a card, it says I love you with a thousand hearts. And that’s what I do, every single day, I love them with one thousand hearts.

S x

1. paige says:

   such a beautiful post
   you touch my soul
   xo

   
2. Jennifer says:

   After reading this I just can’t wait for my kids to wake up from their naps so I can hug them tightly.

   I’ve reminded my husband of your story many times…thanks so much for sharing it!

   
3. Amber says:

   I LOVE this post….beautifully written and captured. I have a daughter…with a “broken heart”…I feel like that allows me to love my children “better” as well.
   Beautiful….

   
4. vanessa diel says:

   I just have to say that I found your site a long time ago and remember finding it again when you lost your precious Ava. I never saved it but will now. I always love reading what you write and think you should write a book about grieving the loss of a child and how to turn grief into something positive as you do. My heart goes out to you. May God bless you and your family and give you strength and courage daily.

   God Bless!
   Vanessa

   
5. bocaaccef says:

   Most recent information about Paris hiltons boobs and Boobs big http://busty.goodnano-av.com/