Fifty Things {I love about Ava}
February. Like so many things, never the same as it once was. This week, I’ll have to concentrate on the baby steps. I’m ready to trip up anyway.
Thankyou to James’ Mummy, Michelle, for asking me to write fifty things I love about Ava. I consulted with her Daddy to compile this list and it was so nice to hear the things I’d momentarily forgotten that he holds dear. A beautiful way to mark a difficult time.
So, here are just a few of the things I do love, and dearly miss, about Ava…
1. That she was my girl. My long awaited, pink and frilly, girly girl.
2. That she was so olive. She had her Daddy’s skin.
3. How she called me Miss Mummy.
4. That she loved to hug, she was such a cuddlebug. I remember how she and Mason, her fellow cuddlebug, met and parted with arms around one another every time.
5. Her beauty. I miss staring at her and marveling and being amazed that I knitted together someone so achingly beautiful. I make no apologies for believing her to be the most gorgeous child ever..she just was..like my other most gorgeous children ever and of course, yours.
6. Her room. I’ve spoken before about just what her room meant to me..The preparing, the anticipating, the everything. So soft and pink and pretty. On our wedding anniversary in 2003, months before her arrival, Crayton asked what I wanted and I chose a pink toile coverlet for Ava’s bed. Nothing else could give me greater joy.
7. Her huge brown eyes. Staring up, wide and wondering.
8. How possessive she was of Ivy. Her Daddy and her had a game going where they’d mock argue over just who’s baby sister she was..It used to infuriate her :)
9. Her figure. She was curvy, like me. She had proper hips. I would change her nappy as a baby and stare at her little tummy and imagine that one day she would do a fine job of growing her own babies.
10. The way she’d skip down the hallway leaving kindy..She loved being there but she loved coming home too.
11. How she would nonchalantly put things in the trolley while I wasn’t looking. I’d get to the checkout and find princess dresses, baby hats and shoes I’d never seen before.
12. The way she would say goodnight…always asking for one more cuddle, more than once.
13. Her happiness. She just was..every single day.
14. The special names she had for people..Her grandad was “Grandan”. Luca was Guca and Mason, Macey. Together, they were “the boys”. Then there was Aunty Shree, Miss Bernicey and Miss-a Jemma.
15. Listening to her sing You Are My Sunshine. Her interpretation included singing “You make me happeeeee, when skies are grave.
16. Her name. I loved introducing her. In 2003 there weren’t many Ava’s around and it sounded beautiful and unique and suited her perfectly.
17. The funny little dance we’d do waiting for the microwave. Sidestepping back and forth, giggling, as we counted down.
18. That she had a best friend. I love that her short life included another little person she knew to be her bestie. Many a kindy day she would dress to impress Kirralee and non kindy days would often start with a bit of grumpy that she couldn’t meet up with her partner in crime.
19. Iloveyousomuch. Five words rolled into one and whispered into my ear, making my lips smile and my heart sing.
20. How she chased the boys around Grandans with a golf club. The squealing and screaming and pleas from the fell on deaf ears, she just loved that she was in charge and they were afraid.
21. How she’d tell her Dad to “come closer” over and over in the pool while learning to swim, effectively closing any gap between him and her and totally defeating the purpose of the lesson.
22. Her love of smoked salmon and blueberries. Fine taste for a toddler.
23. The way she would sit quietly in the car, staring out the window deep in thought. Unless of course we drove past Westfield and then she’d find her pesting voice very quickly.
24. Another game she played with her Dad, “Magooga”. It was the name given to an unknown entity that was apparently scarrey enough to warrant hiding under the sheets with much gasping, shreiking and giggling.
25. Her yearning to fly.
26. The way I’d hear her coming home from kindy and I’d hide behind our front door, ready to shout boo as she came in…Her sweet, happy face beaming up at me. Her nodding to my “hello darling, did you have a happy day?”.
27. Her adoration of the color pink.
28. The way she called ballet “balance” and her tutu “ballerina”.
29. How, each morning before the sun rose, I would hear her footsteps across my floor until they’d pause beside me. With eyes closed, I’d reach out and lift her over me into the middle of the bed. She’d always say “I love you Mummy” and I’d say it back and we’d lie quietly for a few minutes before the day started. The day after she was here no more, as the sun rose, I could barely breathe with the missing of that moment.
30. The way she’d tell me I looked beautiful.
31. Her bringing me flowers from the garden, hidden behind her back.
32. How after a day at kindy she’d be all sandy and smelling of perfume thanks to cuddles from Miss Bernicey.
33. The way she’d come out of the shower with a towel around her chest, not over her shoulders, and another wrapped around her head like a big girl. Sometimes I’d turn her towel into a crown.
34. Her hair. Thick, golden, curly, glamorous..even as she woke. Buying baby clips was one of the first things I did when I found out she was a she. How I adored brushing her hair and fixing ribbons. And oh how she hated it. And after she was gone and I needed to do something for her, that’s what I did. I combed her hair ever so carefully, silently begging that I would be glad I did one day. I am.
35. The way she’d sit so quietly as I read to her at night. The last book I read to her was Guess How Much I Love You.
36. Her love of Dora, lip gloss, tiaras, nail polish, spotty shoes, pink Havianas and everything princess. Just not hair clips.
And from Daddy:
37. How we’d be made to tidy her room before lights out. She’d lay in bed instructing us to pick this up and put that away..As she got older the instructions became more demanding.
38. The way she’d call our refer to our wonderful cleaner as “The Brigid”. Just as if she were an appliance one could purchase. The days Brigid had been and Ava could see how tidy the house was, she’d ask “Has The Brigid been today?”
39. Her love of Sleeping Beauty, which she called “Hi-Ho”. Her Grandan would tuck her up in bed when she stayed at his house with pillows plumped all round watching it as she went to sleep.
40. Playing in the pool with Daddy, she would raise her finger and say with such seriousness “Now, don’t throw me up in the air”, all the while wanting him to do just that.
41. Sharing everything her Dad ate. He could never eat a meal alone, she saw his food as her food.
42. The way she’d call Ivy “Ibee”. As she got older, she changed it to “Ive”.
43. How she’d get all red and puffed out running up hills. Not unlike her Mummy.
44. Her amazingly sweet nature – it was just so hard to be cross at her. One day she refused to put her seat belt on and I told her Paper Tiger daddy he’d have to get a lot tougher with her, it was serious. He looked back at me and said “You’ll have to do it”. He was such a pushover and she was a Daddy’s girl through and through.
45. How, when leaving kindy, she would raid the fridge and attempt to make off with other childrens leftovers.
46. And, along the same lines, how she’d steal food from the fridge and hide it all over the house. “The Brigid” found full packets of sliced meat behind curtains more than once.
47. Her love of piggybacks from Luca.
48. That she made us better parents.
49. And better people.
50. And I love, so very much, that she continues to be a part of our lives..That she keeps teaching us lessons and that her coming, no matter how short she stayed, has meant something very, very wonderful.
126 shared sentiments
-
We miss you, Super Princess! Now… and forever.
Lots of Love,
Sylvia xx
-
Dearest Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy,
How does it be two years? How does the world keep spinning? How come we can’t manage to figure out a way to go back? To slow down time? To speed it up? Which is really better.
I guess all there is, is the love you have for Ava and the way Ava has managed to spread her pretty pink love all around the world.
Two years ago I wasn’t lucky enough to know Ava or to see her beautiful spirit with my own eyes but she still found me and grabbed a piece of my heart. She is still here in her own special way.
We know that no words ever capture what we really mean, but I know you know that today is Ava’s day. I know it.
Much loves,
Dxxxx
-
Sweetheart, your words and images of beauty ensure that Ava lives on in a myriad of hearts around the world. I know that you live daily with a hole where she used to be, by your side – but here, in this lovely place you’ve created, she is glorious and full of light and love and life. We all feel like we know her and we have you to thank for that generous gift. Thinking of you today and always,
love
Sue J
xxxxx
PS you have inspired me to start my own lists :) Thank you
-
thinking of you and saying a little prayer…
much love,
dani xxxxx… x
-
Thinking of you all today Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy.
Lots of love and extra big hugs
Meganxxxx
-
Sweet, Beloved Sheye and family,
I’ve been thinking of you so much these last few weeks. I’m praying you will be comforted this difficult time. You are loved. I was so touohed by your lovely words and memories of precious Ava. Thank you for sharing. I think we are all better people because of Ava. Her mission continues…
Love you,
Christy
-
This is my first time visiting your site. I just read every entry that was tagged “Ava”. I have tears streaming down my face and my heart is broken for you. I know that she has been an angel for a little while now, but, how you must feel like she was just here.
We came so, so close to having a “daughter angel” in common. My little girl, Katie almost left us in January of 2007. She was just a tiny baby…18 days old. She contracted Bacterial Meningitis (no one knows how she got it) and spent about 2 weeks in the PICU and another 30 days in the hospital. For 8 out of those 10 days in the ICU, the doctors prepared us for her death. It was pure torture.
I used to go outside quite often each day when she was so ill and sit on a little bench by the main bus stop for the hospital. I decided that if she died I would just walk downstairs, out the hospital’s back door and step in front of the next bus that went by.
We were so incredibly blessed to see Katie fight and pull through the worst of the meningitis. However, I really don’t think that I could have gone on if she hadn’t. I am in awe of your strength! I only had 18 days with my little girl and I was ready to leave with her. You had 3 years with Ava and you go on with grace.
At the end of Katie’s battle for her life and once she began healing, the doctors told us that she had severe brain damage as a result of bleeding (strokes) in her brain. We were devastated. I was thrilled (that she survived), but devastated knowing that something or perhaps most things (according to the doctors) had been taken from her. I spent the first few weeks almost afraid of Katie…afraid that with each twitch or gasp she was going to die. I started reading blogs from moms who have lost a child or have a very sick child. They have given me strength and the realization that Katie’s life is a gift and that we are so very, very lucky to have her here. Your story has brought this realization to a new level.
I posted with the idea of just telling you that Ava has touched me and will also touch Katie. She will make me remember to embrace every single second with Katie and my husband.
Telling people about Katie makes me feel that she has more people who will think of her, perhaps pray for her, care about her. I suppose that’s why I’ve shared so much.
Wow, I’m really writing a novel here. I will stop rambling and just say Thank You!
Kristine
-
Thinking of you, Sheye and family. And of course, thinking of Ava.
Much love,
Karen Pfeiffer (and family) x
-
My love and thoughts are with your beautiful family today.
Your words are a constant reminder of how precious life is.cazz xx
-
Thankyou so much Sheye and Crayton for sharing your beautiful girl with us :)Wonderful and so very Beauty Full memories of your darling , sweet princess.
Much love to you all today and always,
Toni and family xoxo
-
Thinking of you all today, and every other day, Sheye.
In writing about Ava you have given a gift to all of us who never knew her.
-
You have never been far from my thoughts today……..
xxx
-
thinking of you & your family today Sheye…
a beautiful post for your beautiful girl.
If only time would make it easier….
take care xx
-
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today.
-
wow. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so powerful. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Robin
-
How darling, and endearing all those precoius details about her are. The song playing could not fit her perfect little face any more perfectly. Prayers to you this month.
-
Sheye, my heart just melts when I visit your blog. All of your children are amazingly beautiful. You capture their grace so wonderfully in each photo! That last picture of Ava – breathtaking! You and your family are in my thoughts …
-
Oh Ava…How my stranger’s heart aches beyond measure for you to be back in your mother’s arms!
And as I know that this ache and desperate, clawing feeling I have upon reading your mom’s memories is infinitesimal compared to what she feels every single day, oh sweet Ava, what a Superwoman/Superprincess your mom is…to bear this monumental grief along with being a lovely mom to your brothers and sister, and making you so eternally alive and beautiful to all us moms out in the etherworld…sharing her personal grief with strangers, so that we may look at our own mischievous, defiant, mess-making, lovable, amazing, gorgeous, precious, patience-trying 3 year olds, see your beautiful face in theirs and choose to cherish rather than scold, hug rather than shrug off, bask in rather brush off. Dearest Amazing Ava, I see you so often when I look at my own 3 year old, Lucy, full of opinions and orders and passions, hilarious proclamations and new and innovative nomenclature and naughty experiments gone wrong…All my life with her, I will also think of you and where perhaps I would have scolded or yelled, I will hug you both, and explain and teach instead of shouting or crabbing…You and your mom have showed me so clearly that I can lose my patience for and about many other things, but my most precious treasures should not be one of them… To paraphrase e.e. cummings, i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)…always.
Love for Always and Ever
Annie
-
I only made it half way through the list. So touching. Will have to finish the rest later. Thanks for the beautiful post that you have, and for allowing us to peek inside.
Lynne,
Savannah, Ga
-
Tears, tears, and more tears. The beauty of your words leave little for the rest of us to say. What incredible strength you have Miss Sheye. I want you to know the pure admiration and love I have for you and your family. Thank you for letting me follow you on your journey. I never knew I could be so touched by someone I’ve never even met. I let pink balloons fly, I hope your Super Princess caught them. May your heart be light. Much love from Utah…
-
Hi Sheye
i’m new to your blog and very, very touched by it, Ava is such a beautiful girl and that you are still able to talk about it shows all the gifts you have and have found. Loosing someone is not about getting over it, you never can, you just learn to cope with them not being around. Having a mom go to heaven is different from having a child go to heaven, but keep that in mind that heaven is not far away and the bigger man up there playing games with Ava is watching over you too, He was my joy in my time of sorrow.
Hang in there and you will learn to cope.
Thoughts and prayers, Christine
-
Heya Sheye,
I’m sure there are ’50 million’ things that you love about Ava (Super Princess!). Thanks for sharing 50 of them. Very touching. She’s adorable x
-
I just came across your lovely site and I’m in love with your wonderful work. Then I found this. I just want you to know that you inspire me. I don’t know that I would be able to find the courage and the strength that you have. God bless you!
-
Ava’s life and story has touched more people than you could ever imagine. She is such a beautiful soul, and she is a part of hearts all over the world. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and please know the impact your generosity has. You are truly a strong, amazing person, and you inspire people everywhere to appreciate both life and death. Although I have never actually met you, you and Ava and your family will remain a piece of me forever. I send you love and smiles and hugs and kisses and comfort, to you and Luca and Mason and Ivy and Crayton. xoxoxoxo…..
-
Hi Sheye,
I have been reading your blog for a while now and would like to thank you, Ava and your whole family for being such a great inspiration to me. Little Ava has touched my life forever, as she has thousands of others. Your love for her is so bright and shines so clearly, it’s so inspiring. Words can do no justice but I wanted to let you know I think about and pray for Ava, you, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy every day. :)
This post above was simply beautiful and captures your love for your little angel beautifully :)Lots of love and prayers,
Natalie (Scotland)
Leave a Reply
I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
Sheye, your little girl was – and is – so beloved. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I think your words make all of us better parents. In the spirit of dear Ava.