Fifty Things {I love about Ava}
February. Like so many things, never the same as it once was. This week, I’ll have to concentrate on the baby steps. I’m ready to trip up anyway.
Thankyou to James’ Mummy, Michelle, for asking me to write fifty things I love about Ava. I consulted with her Daddy to compile this list and it was so nice to hear the things I’d momentarily forgotten that he holds dear. A beautiful way to mark a difficult time.
So, here are just a few of the things I do love, and dearly miss, about Ava…
1. That she was my girl. My long awaited, pink and frilly, girly girl.
2. That she was so olive. She had her Daddy’s skin.
3. How she called me Miss Mummy.
4. That she loved to hug, she was such a cuddlebug. I remember how she and Mason, her fellow cuddlebug, met and parted with arms around one another every time.
5. Her beauty. I miss staring at her and marveling and being amazed that I knitted together someone so achingly beautiful. I make no apologies for believing her to be the most gorgeous child ever..she just was..like my other most gorgeous children ever and of course, yours.
6. Her room. I’ve spoken before about just what her room meant to me..The preparing, the anticipating, the everything. So soft and pink and pretty. On our wedding anniversary in 2003, months before her arrival, Crayton asked what I wanted and I chose a pink toile coverlet for Ava’s bed. Nothing else could give me greater joy.
7. Her huge brown eyes. Staring up, wide and wondering.
8. How possessive she was of Ivy. Her Daddy and her had a game going where they’d mock argue over just who’s baby sister she was..It used to infuriate her :)
9. Her figure. She was curvy, like me. She had proper hips. I would change her nappy as a baby and stare at her little tummy and imagine that one day she would do a fine job of growing her own babies.
10. The way she’d skip down the hallway leaving kindy..She loved being there but she loved coming home too.
11. How she would nonchalantly put things in the trolley while I wasn’t looking. I’d get to the checkout and find princess dresses, baby hats and shoes I’d never seen before.
12. The way she would say goodnight…always asking for one more cuddle, more than once.
13. Her happiness. She just was..every single day.
14. The special names she had for people..Her grandad was “Grandan”. Luca was Guca and Mason, Macey. Together, they were “the boys”. Then there was Aunty Shree, Miss Bernicey and Miss-a Jemma.
15. Listening to her sing You Are My Sunshine. Her interpretation included singing “You make me happeeeee, when skies are grave.
16. Her name. I loved introducing her. In 2003 there weren’t many Ava’s around and it sounded beautiful and unique and suited her perfectly.
17. The funny little dance we’d do waiting for the microwave. Sidestepping back and forth, giggling, as we counted down.
18. That she had a best friend. I love that her short life included another little person she knew to be her bestie. Many a kindy day she would dress to impress Kirralee and non kindy days would often start with a bit of grumpy that she couldn’t meet up with her partner in crime.
19. Iloveyousomuch. Five words rolled into one and whispered into my ear, making my lips smile and my heart sing.
20. How she chased the boys around Grandans with a golf club. The squealing and screaming and pleas from the fell on deaf ears, she just loved that she was in charge and they were afraid.
21. How she’d tell her Dad to “come closer” over and over in the pool while learning to swim, effectively closing any gap between him and her and totally defeating the purpose of the lesson.
22. Her love of smoked salmon and blueberries. Fine taste for a toddler.
23. The way she would sit quietly in the car, staring out the window deep in thought. Unless of course we drove past Westfield and then she’d find her pesting voice very quickly.
24. Another game she played with her Dad, “Magooga”. It was the name given to an unknown entity that was apparently scarrey enough to warrant hiding under the sheets with much gasping, shreiking and giggling.
25. Her yearning to fly.
26. The way I’d hear her coming home from kindy and I’d hide behind our front door, ready to shout boo as she came in…Her sweet, happy face beaming up at me. Her nodding to my “hello darling, did you have a happy day?”.
27. Her adoration of the color pink.
28. The way she called ballet “balance” and her tutu “ballerina”.
29. How, each morning before the sun rose, I would hear her footsteps across my floor until they’d pause beside me. With eyes closed, I’d reach out and lift her over me into the middle of the bed. She’d always say “I love you Mummy” and I’d say it back and we’d lie quietly for a few minutes before the day started. The day after she was here no more, as the sun rose, I could barely breathe with the missing of that moment.
30. The way she’d tell me I looked beautiful.
31. Her bringing me flowers from the garden, hidden behind her back.
32. How after a day at kindy she’d be all sandy and smelling of perfume thanks to cuddles from Miss Bernicey.
33. The way she’d come out of the shower with a towel around her chest, not over her shoulders, and another wrapped around her head like a big girl. Sometimes I’d turn her towel into a crown.
34. Her hair. Thick, golden, curly, glamorous..even as she woke. Buying baby clips was one of the first things I did when I found out she was a she. How I adored brushing her hair and fixing ribbons. And oh how she hated it. And after she was gone and I needed to do something for her, that’s what I did. I combed her hair ever so carefully, silently begging that I would be glad I did one day. I am.
35. The way she’d sit so quietly as I read to her at night. The last book I read to her was Guess How Much I Love You.
36. Her love of Dora, lip gloss, tiaras, nail polish, spotty shoes, pink Havianas and everything princess. Just not hair clips.
And from Daddy:
37. How we’d be made to tidy her room before lights out. She’d lay in bed instructing us to pick this up and put that away..As she got older the instructions became more demanding.
38. The way she’d call our refer to our wonderful cleaner as “The Brigid”. Just as if she were an appliance one could purchase. The days Brigid had been and Ava could see how tidy the house was, she’d ask “Has The Brigid been today?”
39. Her love of Sleeping Beauty, which she called “Hi-Ho”. Her Grandan would tuck her up in bed when she stayed at his house with pillows plumped all round watching it as she went to sleep.
40. Playing in the pool with Daddy, she would raise her finger and say with such seriousness “Now, don’t throw me up in the air”, all the while wanting him to do just that.
41. Sharing everything her Dad ate. He could never eat a meal alone, she saw his food as her food.
42. The way she’d call Ivy “Ibee”. As she got older, she changed it to “Ive”.
43. How she’d get all red and puffed out running up hills. Not unlike her Mummy.
44. Her amazingly sweet nature – it was just so hard to be cross at her. One day she refused to put her seat belt on and I told her Paper Tiger daddy he’d have to get a lot tougher with her, it was serious. He looked back at me and said “You’ll have to do it”. He was such a pushover and she was a Daddy’s girl through and through.
45. How, when leaving kindy, she would raid the fridge and attempt to make off with other childrens leftovers.
46. And, along the same lines, how she’d steal food from the fridge and hide it all over the house. “The Brigid” found full packets of sliced meat behind curtains more than once.
47. Her love of piggybacks from Luca.
48. That she made us better parents.
49. And better people.
50. And I love, so very much, that she continues to be a part of our lives..That she keeps teaching us lessons and that her coming, no matter how short she stayed, has meant something very, very wonderful.
Ava changed lives…..and will continue to do so forever more.
(Mine included)
xxx
Ava is so magical! My heart aches, I miss her too! Thanks for sharing more about your beauty full AVA!!!!!!
Buckets of tears for your pain while reading your Beauty Full memories of your gorgeous Ava angel. What lucky parents you were to have such sunshine in your home but sad it could not go on. That last picture just melts my heart.
Love and prayers. XXXXOOOO
She was and still is, an amazing little person Sheye. I’m so glad I was lucky enough to meet her and see her personality. It truly is something I’ll be forever thankful for.
I was thinking about the water slide the other day and how the kids thought it was the best to be swimming in the thunder storm lol. Then my mind wandered to what Ava did at the park. Do you remember the barriers that were up? They were there to protect the newly laid turf? We turned to the girls to tell them not to go past them and as we did, Ava had a 30 x 30cm piece of turf in her hands laughing. How she even managed to pick it up I have no idea. She had so much spunk and yet was such a little princess at the same time.
You are all constantly in my thoughts. Your girl has created so much love and brought out the good in people.
Thinking of you xx
Ava had a beautiful and deeply loved life and it’s wonderful to see in writing, the many memories that she created for you….and to an extent, for us, too!
I still love reading about her and think of her – and your family – often!
((Big hugs)) to you at this memory-filled time!
s, i know she was all that…
and so, SO much more!!! so
beauty full:)
l,
d
I check your blog regularly and this is my 1st time to comment because how can I NOT comment on this post?
I think it’s beautiful how Ava’s presence is alive and at work in your life everyday. It’s inspiring to watch and read how hope, courage, and love can rise from grief. And to me, you are a testament to the power and impact of her life.
This is so beautiful. It helps you to remember all the details that were Ava. Very touching.
Beautiful.
Oh, the screen is blurry! But those beautiful eyes… they are crystal clear, cutting right to the heart of me! What an absolutely amazing girl Miss Ava is!
Sending much love to you and your family this week…
I’m always speechless when I read your posts and find that I don’t have anything to say that would be even remotely Ava-worthy. And yet, my heart aches for you during this time and I couldn’t imagine not telling you how many hopeful and loving thoughts are being sent to you across the world. Ava is truly an inspiration to everyone, and your outlook and take on motherhood makes me want to be a better mother. Sending love and blessings your way.
Oh, I am aching as I read this, but yet I’m so happy at the same time. What a gorgeous, wonderful little person you brought into this world…and we are all better for it. As I’ve said so many times, thank you for sharing. It means so much. And I’m sitting down soon and writing out “50 things I love about my Mom”. Love and peace to you.
Oh Sheye. Words fail me. She is beyond precious.
Your post made me think of 50 things I love about Jenna – thanks for sparking those memories.
I was struck in a fresh way yesterday just how close Jenna still is to us. She is not here, but she is HERE, if you know what I mean.
HUGS…thanks again for sharing.
I don’t even have words……You are in my thoughts always but esp. this week….sending you loads of love all the way from North Carolina!
prayers, love, prayers, and more love…
My heart is heavy, yet lifted at the same time….. there are no words that seem right… Only those that thank you for sharing, pouring yourself out there as a journal to yourself… yet reminds many of us to cherish what we have….each and every detail.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I have just recently stumbled upon your blog and I wanted to say that after reading this and the blog post about what happened, I am just aching inside for you. I have three boys 3 and under and I just can’t imagine ever having to say goodbye to any of them. There isn’t anything I can say, of course, that would help but my goodness…I will be remembering you all in my prayers tonight. What a beautiful little girl, Ava was, and she seems to have been blessed with wonderful and loving parents. God bless you for that.
What a truly beautiful idea, Sheye. Of course she knew that you felt all of this about her.. it makes me hope that my Mummy feels like this about me.
Ava will never know just how far her reach wraps around the globe and makes people stop and think and be grateful and loving and look at the beauty in small things.
Ava has truly changed so many lives.
Keren
xx
Oh my heart. Sheye that was lovely. Thinking of you. And so glad that you had a bit of fun at the spa. It was well deserved.
I’m so grateful for you. Lucky me, lovely you. Thank you for sharing..
xx
Hi Sheye,
That’s one wonderful list. What a girl.
Love,
Jane
Thankyou for sharing more of Ava with us. I have said this before, but as I venture in to motherhood I will take Ava’s lessons with me as we raise our own little girl. Much love to you and your family this week, and always. xxx
Beauty-full words for such a beauty-full girl!
What a wonderful way to remember Ava.
Thanks for sharing :)
((Hugs))
Rissa xx
How I loved reading that list. How I wish I had phoned you earlier so I could have met her and seen just some of those fifty things with my own eyes. How I love you. xo
I had tears when I read this on facebook this morning but had to come back here tonight to see that gorgeous face again.
I had such a long, quiet cuddle with Parker (3 and a half) this afternoon looking at his beauty thinking of Ava.
I had thought I knew what love was but someone taught me how to REALLY LOVE.
THANK YOU SHEYE AND SWEET GORGEOUS AVA (you are always on my mind)
Oh what a girl! Such a beautiful list Sheye (and Crayton),just beautiful.
Lots of love
Meganxx
What a fantastic idea Sheye. It was so lovely to read them all & how nice to sit & reflect on all the beautiful, little things she was :o) xo
I loved reading those Sheye. She was beautiful! Thank you for sharing your girl.
xo
Sheye,
Thank you for sharing this wonderful list and most of all sharing Ava the SuperPrincess. Those pictures are absolutely stunning. This has been said before but the amazing Ava has changed my life and I’ve met so many wonderful people because of her. I don’t usually cry over things easily but you bring me to tears every.single.time. Although I know there are no words for your sorrow, I’m sending you many prayers, much gratitude and big hugs from across the ocean. <3
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
Hi Sheye,
I will be looking up for pink ballons on Thursday, days are hard ‘memory days’ are even harder but what i have learnt is that sometimes when we feel that ‘one more step’ is just too much and we can not possibly move one more step we do…I hope that you sit and realise your own resiliance and congratulate yourself for taking that step, the one you never thought you could make. I remember when you wrote about how you didnt know how you could do it…well you are doing it and you have kept doing it and i think that takes a special strength a strength that i hope you have “for until forever…”
I will look for pink balloons and they will be there just as she would have loved.
Emma x
:weepy sigh:
Yes. Beauty Full.
Big HUGS to you and your family, Sheye.
sheye…your beautiful words and thoughts always amaze me. thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. thinking of you and your beautiful family.
I have never laughed and cried so much at once.
I couldn’t believe it when I got to 50 and it was over already. So, I went back and read the one about her hair a few more times and then number 38 again because that’s too funny.
I know it’s never easy, but if you had to be left with 1 month that is harder than the others I’m glad it’s the shortest.
Thank you for sharing Ava with us, Sheye. As always, your generous and beautiful spirit is such a gift, and such an inspiration.
She (and YOU) are beauty-full!
Blessings,
HWHL
You paint such beautiful pictures of Ava with your words and pictures Sheye:) They bring tears and laughter to me! What a wonderful way to remember the little things that have slipped your mind. Sending you much peace, love, and strength as this month goes on.
xoTara
I will never tire of reading about Ava. Keep sharing. Everyone loves you and we are sending our thoughts and hugs and prayers to you every single hour of every single day. You are so strong and amazing.
Denise xoxo
Honey, you have left me a sobbing mess and in search of words today. She is so breath-catching and how my heart aches for you and Crayton. I wish I wish I wish…
Love you.
K x
Thank you for once again sharing your lovely memories of Ava. The list is beautiful, and has left me with tears.
Ava is a beauty!
Oh Sheye, those 50 things were truely wonderful, and heart touching. I must say she did have one amazing set of curls, so pretty and flowing. The bottom picture of her just takes my breath away. Oh georgous Ava, how you are dearly missed.
Thankyou for sharing these wonderful memories Sheye.
tons of xo’s
-Amanda =)
What beautiful things to remember about your gorgeous little girl Sheye. As always, my prayers go out to all of you, and you left me in tears. Thank you so much for sharing, and for making me want to squeeze my little ones even tighter… I hope you have a wonderful week! xoxo
I’m so glad you did this. It is beautiful. It makes my heart sing and ache at the same time, as I’m sure it did yours. Thinking of you.
xx
I have been thinking of you alot lately, knowing that February was coming. Now that it’s here, i am so happy to see your list of loves of ava. if you focus on exactly who she was, maybe just maybe it will make the pain a little bit less. although honestly, i don’t see how it could. she is sooooo very beautiful sheye, thank you for sharing the gorgeous photos of your darling ava. she was a true treasure and i know i can’t ever forget her.
p.s. i love her name too…..
p.s.s. i gave my ava a hug for you today.
love,
tara
Beauty full Sheye ~ just beauty full!
Thinking of you XXX
So wonderful and so sad…I’ve had my first child 9 months ago, a baby girl called Emanuella. I love her so so much and I can’t believe you managed to get through all this…you are such strong parents. It’s just unbelievable how much we can love our babies…and not having them around anymore…I can’t even think about something like this happening to me. I’m glad God gave you strength to continue with your lives without her…kisses and hugs, Erika
thank you for sharing your memories of Ava. I love your blog and think of you and your family often. I have a girl – Alexandra who has just turned 6 – she has only just started to let me brush and put up her hair – no clips yet though. Your comment about Ava’s hair made me smile. I know the “wild child” look well. :)
I am sending you thoughts and prayers for a difficult time.
These posts have already said it all. I usually do just look, and read, and learn from you and your family, but I just had to say something after reading your 50 things. Thank you. Thank you again and again for sharing your life and for sharing Ava. I cannot tell you how much differently I look at my life and my love for and my time with my little Emily (4) since coming upon your photoblog. Every moment is more precious. I am amazed at how much your family, a family I do not know, has affected my everyday, in the best of ways. Thank you for helping my heart to grow in this life.
Sheye, what beautiful words and what priceless and precious memories. You are in my heart and my thoughts are with you during this especially difficult week. Thank you for sharing so generously. Ava’s beauty is forever. Sherri XO
Oh My god Sheye! How wonderful, and heartbreaking (all at once) this post is.
My heart breaks for you regularly still and I wish you both all the love and strength in the world to get through the next few days. xxx
Thank you so much for sharing all of those Beauty Full moments! She is truly to a gift to us all! Thinking of and praying for you more now at this time than ever!
Thankyou for sharing your beauty full Ava with us.
Your list of 50 things is just so heart touching, and makes me think more about my own life & family & to not take things for granted….even the little things.
Thinking of you & your family during this difficult week.
God Bless…..
Oh Sheye, I cried and cried the whole time I read this post. She is so so beautiful. So wonderful, so delectable. So delicious and eatable and everything fancy. Her manners, her sweetness, I can feel through your words alone. She blessed the lives of everyone that knew her, and continues to bless the lives of us who never had the chance but get to learn of her. She is a beauty. Her eyes speak wonder, her countenance speaks lovely. Thank you for the memories, it was such a wonderful tribute and a pure joy for me to get to know her better. I love you Sheye, I love Ava. I love your heart,your depth, your writing, your grief, your honesty. You are a blessing to the world. Truly.
Love,
James’ Mommy
Michelle
xoxox
My darling girl has gorgeous hair, very similar to Ava’s. Not so thick, but curls, golden, movie star-ish even just as she wakes. I see photos of Ava and my heart always beats faster when I see the similarities, just in their hair. I love Ava’s hair too.
Oh honey, what a lucky girlie she is to have you for a Mum; someone who understood her beauty through and through. That tiny heart beating with so much happiness, she was a BLESSING. Keep going honey, I know its hard. xoxo
When they are here with us fighting and whining it is so hard to think of 50 things you love….thank you for reminding me to look and remember every single moment, good or bad. I will be thinking of you this week and will make sure Amaya releases a pretty pink balloon for her “new friend” Ava as she calls her.
What a wonderful list. What a wonderful girl.
Every little thing about her is just so beautiful. I just can’t get over how adorable, how sweet she was. My heart aches so much for you. For your family.
Ava has changed so many lives Sheye. Mine included.
Thank you so much for sharing your SuperPrincess with us.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and you beautiful family, as always.
xx
her beauty is enough alone to break your heart. even if she were still here. just achingly beautiful. her hair, her bright eyes….they remind me of my sweet lucy. one day at a time, one year at a time and before we know it we will look back on this entirety of life as if it were a dream. and then there we’ll be…with our princesses. i wish it would come soon. i wish you could read the 50 things she loves about you.
Oh Sheye, achingly beautiful, the perfect words and she so is! I have tears and smiles as always, it’s a feeling and not just a knowing that your heart is touched. Thank you!
Your precious memories give such a reminder to count and absorb all the little things that exist in our sweet ones everyday. The things that just make them the beautiful little creatures that they are. Your Ava was breathtaking and is still such a treasure to all that have learned about her life. Thank you for sharing Sheye, may you and your family feel the love, support and hugs that so many are blowing your way.
xoxo
A beauty full list for a beauty full girl who is known, loved and remembered by so many people all over the world.
Sheye, you and your family are in our prayers and we will be sure to check out the sunset on February 5, as I think Ava, being the Super Princes she is, will paint the Heavans with a splash of pink.
Sending lots of love to you all.
Elise
Oh Sheye, how I loved reading your list! I will never be able to thank you enough for sharing sweet Ava with us! Sheye you & your beautiful family are ALWAYS in my thought & prayers!! Much love to you all..
Love,
Tanya xxx
29 made me cry and 38 made me laugh out loud! I’m thinking of you all.
Hugs to you all
Sue B xx
Oh Sheye – This is just beautiful. Thank you for continuing to share your most personal journey with us. This was a beautiful tribute to your dear sweet girl. And a (not-so?)gentle reminder to some of us to stop sweating the small stuff but to stop and enjoy the small stuff…
thinking of you always –
darcie
Just BEAUTIFUL…thank you for sharing such a precious, tender, sweet part of yourselves, your adorable AVA…Thank You! Hugs from afar…
Wow Sheye, what an achingly beautiful post about a daughter its obvious you love so much. Thankd you for sharing her. She is breathtaking.
This is a lovely way to remember your darling girl; it makes my heart ache even more for your family’s loss.
If there were room for a number 51, I think you should include that Ava has changed – is changing – the world. One anonymous little person at a time.
Oh my, oh my, oh my. Sitting at my desk crying now. I can’t help but think what my 50 things list would look like for my 3 year old daughter. Having to write it with her no longer here is more than I can bear to imagine. Your strength and courage are truly amazing. My heart overflows.
She sounds like the dream child and from what I have read and seen, she was. I adore the way you speak of her. How lucky she was to have you as parents, who truly worshipped the ground she walked on.
That little girl was so, so loved. And so gorgeous. :)
I have been following your journey through sorrow and joy in here. So many tears have been cried for you, but also, so much love have been made.
Ava has a special place in thousands of hearts, Worldwide.
May your days be filled with love,light and laughter,- and do let the hard days come as natural as the good ones on your journey..
Sending You lots of light at this time of the year, Sheye. Thinking of you a lot.
…whew…
My heart is aching and smiling all at the same time.50 wonderful things about Ava…I didn’t want the list to stop.
She was a beautiful, lovely girl. You were, and are one very lucky mommy. “Ava-worthy” actually.
I’m sending wishes that February holds you very gently….
I love to get to know Ava, and so hurting for it having to be this way. Thank you for sharing, Sheye, you are such a wonderful mother. Ava is so proud of you I’m sure.
We are thinking of you Sheye. You must miss her so much, I can barely imagine.
She constantly reminds me to show more of my love to my children & I am so thankful for that. Thank you so much for sharing.
Toni
My heart was beating so fast reading that and when you spoke about her coming into your room, I couldn’t breath. My little one does the same thing.
Thankyou for sharing that, it was just beautiful.
I alwyas read and never comment, but thankyou for shring Ava with us
Nic x
Sheye,
It must have been so wonderful to remember, and yet so painful! The beautifulness of your list reminds us to remember to pray for your family and to keep on holding you both! Oh, some day, some day to see them again, I can hardly wait! Shi~
your precious girl has left us all with so very much.
love to you all.
jbxo
You are an amazing mother and writer, thank you for sharing and reminding me to slow down and enjoy everyday.
You are something special, Sheye Rosemeyer.
Sheye ,
Ive written this so many times and been unable to complete….my heart just breaks for you guys as it has from the moment I found out, and thru this entire journey youve been on. Ava changed my life in so many ways, I couldnt even begin to start telling you….Ive tried in all my previous notes over the last 2 years and come up short every time. Today all I can give you is a long distance hug, a promise I will have my girls release PINK ballons for her, and tell you that for sure your SUPER PRINCESS IS STILL WITH YOU.
Love you guys ,
Sue
Sheye,
I’ve been reading your amazing blog for a while now, but this is my first time to comment. Just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers often, but especially this week. Thank you for sharing Ava with so many – your thoughts and words about her are so inspiring. I don’t have children, but whenever I read about your Ava, I am inspired to appreciate much more deeply my loved ones and all the joys that life has to offer. Ava has made my life better. She is truly beauty full.
I have been following your blog for a while now but not yet posted a message. I just want to reiterate all that has been said before, thank you for sharing, and inspiring me to be a better mother. I wish you peace xx
Sending love and hugs to you all – especially this week.
oh just gorgeous. you, ava, your words. I am in tears. what a gift she is to you. thanks sheye for being so generous with your feelings. she was an angel even before it all…and what a blessing you knew it too.
Dearest Sheye,
These past 2 days you and your family have been close to my thoughts and in my prayers. Last night I was reading ‘The Hour I First Believed’ by Wally Lamb and he quotes a letter from Mark Twain, when Mark Twains daughter died. When I read it last night it made me think of you (and of my family over the loss of my baby son, Rowan)…
“I did know that Suzy was a part of us; I did not know what she could go away, and take our lives with her, yet leave our dull bodies behind. And I did not know what she was. To me she was but a treasure in the bank; the amount known, the need to look at it daily, handle it, weigh it, count it, realize it, no necessary; and now that i would do it, it is too late; they tell me it is not there, has vanished away in the night.”
Gentle and special thoughts at this time
Justine
xoxo
What a sweet and precious baby girl.
Breathtaking and beautiful. Your words, as always, are so, so beautiful. You really make me appreciate and notice all the little things in each day – and I am sure I am a better mum for reading your words. You’re inspirational. Thank you for sharing your journey and your gorgeous little angel. She was exquisite; your stunning images always capture that. Thinking of you all this week and sending lots of love to you all. Jodie xx
xxx
A beautiful and teary tribute. How wonderfully special little Ava is. It’s been two years but when I look at her portrait, those mesmerizing eyes seem to be telling me that she’s still here in our hearts, and her beautiful smile telling everyone that she’s happy to get all the pink balloons.
Thinking of Miss Ava and her loving family and sending hugs your way,
Karen
So beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It’s good to be reminded of what a special child your little Ava was. Prayers and positive thoughts being sent out to all of you.
You have taken my breath away and filled my eyes with tears once again. I have been thinking about you {and Ava} quite a bit in the last weeks. My heart aches for you. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you once again for sharing your sweet Ava with us. {{{hugs}}}
Your beautiful girl will remain in many hearts around the world. I keep you and your family in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing the things you loved about her… and what a list it is.
This is so beautiful! Thinking of you and your lovely Ava today… hugs! I’ve always loved the name Ava even before I met yours :)
We released pink balloons in honor of Ava and thought you might want to see.
http://3peasinapod-suz.blogspot.com/2009/02/ava-superprincess.html
Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo
Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy,
Thinking of you today. Be gentle to yourselves.
Love to you all
Shayne xx
Sending you hugs….
Having lost a beautiful, little girl myself, I know full well you could have written a million things you love about her.
My heart understands such longing and remembering and the beauty that graces your heart with love and laughter- even while she’s gone.
Love to all your family~ especially this month.
This post was beautiful. I have been inspired to recognize those small things in my boys by reading your blog. This is the first time commenting. This week is always interesting for me too as I lost my own mother 14 years ago this last Sunday and her birthday is today. Thank you for your posts. I truly have been inspired to be a better mother because of you!!
Much love Sheye
your words are truly, sincerely, beautiful and delicate, you are such a wonderful family.
Ava’s the best, she has touched so many, myself included, I love her.
be well,
val
My heart simply aches for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Hugs for you.
Sheye, your little girl was – and is – so beloved. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I think your words make all of us better parents. In the spirit of dear Ava.
We miss you, Super Princess! Now… and forever.
Lots of Love,
Sylvia xx
Dearest Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy,
How does it be two years? How does the world keep spinning? How come we can’t manage to figure out a way to go back? To slow down time? To speed it up? Which is really better.
I guess all there is, is the love you have for Ava and the way Ava has managed to spread her pretty pink love all around the world.
Two years ago I wasn’t lucky enough to know Ava or to see her beautiful spirit with my own eyes but she still found me and grabbed a piece of my heart. She is still here in her own special way.
We know that no words ever capture what we really mean, but I know you know that today is Ava’s day. I know it.
Much loves,
Dxxxx
Sweetheart, your words and images of beauty ensure that Ava lives on in a myriad of hearts around the world. I know that you live daily with a hole where she used to be, by your side – but here, in this lovely place you’ve created, she is glorious and full of light and love and life. We all feel like we know her and we have you to thank for that generous gift. Thinking of you today and always,
love
Sue J
xxxxx
PS you have inspired me to start my own lists :) Thank you
thinking of you and saying a little prayer…
much love,
dani xxxxx… x
Thinking of you all today Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy.
Lots of love and extra big hugs
Meganxxxx
Sweet, Beloved Sheye and family,
I’ve been thinking of you so much these last few weeks. I’m praying you will be comforted this difficult time. You are loved. I was so touohed by your lovely words and memories of precious Ava. Thank you for sharing. I think we are all better people because of Ava. Her mission continues…
Love you,
Christy
This is my first time visiting your site. I just read every entry that was tagged “Ava”. I have tears streaming down my face and my heart is broken for you. I know that she has been an angel for a little while now, but, how you must feel like she was just here.
We came so, so close to having a “daughter angel” in common. My little girl, Katie almost left us in January of 2007. She was just a tiny baby…18 days old. She contracted Bacterial Meningitis (no one knows how she got it) and spent about 2 weeks in the PICU and another 30 days in the hospital. For 8 out of those 10 days in the ICU, the doctors prepared us for her death. It was pure torture.
I used to go outside quite often each day when she was so ill and sit on a little bench by the main bus stop for the hospital. I decided that if she died I would just walk downstairs, out the hospital’s back door and step in front of the next bus that went by.
We were so incredibly blessed to see Katie fight and pull through the worst of the meningitis. However, I really don’t think that I could have gone on if she hadn’t. I am in awe of your strength! I only had 18 days with my little girl and I was ready to leave with her. You had 3 years with Ava and you go on with grace.
At the end of Katie’s battle for her life and once she began healing, the doctors told us that she had severe brain damage as a result of bleeding (strokes) in her brain. We were devastated. I was thrilled (that she survived), but devastated knowing that something or perhaps most things (according to the doctors) had been taken from her. I spent the first few weeks almost afraid of Katie…afraid that with each twitch or gasp she was going to die. I started reading blogs from moms who have lost a child or have a very sick child. They have given me strength and the realization that Katie’s life is a gift and that we are so very, very lucky to have her here. Your story has brought this realization to a new level.
I posted with the idea of just telling you that Ava has touched me and will also touch Katie. She will make me remember to embrace every single second with Katie and my husband.
Telling people about Katie makes me feel that she has more people who will think of her, perhaps pray for her, care about her. I suppose that’s why I’ve shared so much.
Wow, I’m really writing a novel here. I will stop rambling and just say Thank You!
Kristine
Thinking of you, Sheye and family. And of course, thinking of Ava.
Much love,
Karen Pfeiffer (and family) x
My love and thoughts are with your beautiful family today.
Your words are a constant reminder of how precious life is.
cazz xx
Thankyou so much Sheye and Crayton for sharing your beautiful girl with us :)Wonderful and so very Beauty Full memories of your darling , sweet princess.
Much love to you all today and always,
Toni and family xoxo
Thinking of you all today, and every other day, Sheye.
In writing about Ava you have given a gift to all of us who never knew her.
You have never been far from my thoughts today……..
xxx
thinking of you & your family today Sheye…
a beautiful post for your beautiful girl.
If only time would make it easier….
take care xx
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today.
wow. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so powerful. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Robin
How darling, and endearing all those precoius details about her are. The song playing could not fit her perfect little face any more perfectly. Prayers to you this month.
Sheye, my heart just melts when I visit your blog. All of your children are amazingly beautiful. You capture their grace so wonderfully in each photo! That last picture of Ava – breathtaking! You and your family are in my thoughts …
Oh Ava…How my stranger’s heart aches beyond measure for you to be back in your mother’s arms!
And as I know that this ache and desperate, clawing feeling I have upon reading your mom’s memories is infinitesimal compared to what she feels every single day, oh sweet Ava, what a Superwoman/Superprincess your mom is…to bear this monumental grief along with being a lovely mom to your brothers and sister, and making you so eternally alive and beautiful to all us moms out in the etherworld…sharing her personal grief with strangers, so that we may look at our own mischievous, defiant, mess-making, lovable, amazing, gorgeous, precious, patience-trying 3 year olds, see your beautiful face in theirs and choose to cherish rather than scold, hug rather than shrug off, bask in rather brush off. Dearest Amazing Ava, I see you so often when I look at my own 3 year old, Lucy, full of opinions and orders and passions, hilarious proclamations and new and innovative nomenclature and naughty experiments gone wrong…All my life with her, I will also think of you and where perhaps I would have scolded or yelled, I will hug you both, and explain and teach instead of shouting or crabbing…You and your mom have showed me so clearly that I can lose my patience for and about many other things, but my most precious treasures should not be one of them… To paraphrase e.e. cummings, i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)…always.
Love for Always and Ever
Annie
I only made it half way through the list. So touching. Will have to finish the rest later. Thanks for the beautiful post that you have, and for allowing us to peek inside.
Lynne,
Savannah, Ga
Tears, tears, and more tears. The beauty of your words leave little for the rest of us to say. What incredible strength you have Miss Sheye. I want you to know the pure admiration and love I have for you and your family. Thank you for letting me follow you on your journey. I never knew I could be so touched by someone I’ve never even met. I let pink balloons fly, I hope your Super Princess caught them. May your heart be light. Much love from Utah…
Hi Sheye
i’m new to your blog and very, very touched by it, Ava is such a beautiful girl and that you are still able to talk about it shows all the gifts you have and have found. Loosing someone is not about getting over it, you never can, you just learn to cope with them not being around. Having a mom go to heaven is different from having a child go to heaven, but keep that in mind that heaven is not far away and the bigger man up there playing games with Ava is watching over you too, He was my joy in my time of sorrow.
Hang in there and you will learn to cope.
Thoughts and prayers, Christine
Heya Sheye,
I’m sure there are ‘50 million’ things that you love about Ava (Super Princess!). Thanks for sharing 50 of them. Very touching. She’s adorable x
I just came across your lovely site and I’m in love with your wonderful work. Then I found this. I just want you to know that you inspire me. I don’t know that I would be able to find the courage and the strength that you have. God bless you!
Ava’s life and story has touched more people than you could ever imagine. She is such a beautiful soul, and she is a part of hearts all over the world. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and please know the impact your generosity has. You are truly a strong, amazing person, and you inspire people everywhere to appreciate both life and death. Although I have never actually met you, you and Ava and your family will remain a piece of me forever. I send you love and smiles and hugs and kisses and comfort, to you and Luca and Mason and Ivy and Crayton. xoxoxoxo…..
Hi Sheye,
I have been reading your blog for a while now and would like to thank you, Ava and your whole family for being such a great inspiration to me. Little Ava has touched my life forever, as she has thousands of others. Your love for her is so bright and shines so clearly, it’s so inspiring. Words can do no justice but I wanted to let you know I think about and pray for Ava, you, Crayton, Luca, Mason and Ivy every day. :)
This post above was simply beautiful and captures your love for your little angel beautifully :)
Lots of love and prayers,
Natalie (Scotland)