Cherish
There are little secrets I know about people I’ve never met, or even spoken to. Not just any people, the ones that have lost children. For instance, I know they, like me, remember so many tiny little details about the day their children left. Silly little things that are of no real significance yet become oh-so significant, for so long.
I could share hundreds of tiny little things relating to Februrary the 3rd, 2007. For everyone else, the people who didn’t lose children that day, I’m certain there would be very little recollection of the date. Slipping by just like most dates, thankfully, should.
Today, I’m recollecting sun-screen. I’ve had to do this many, many days in the past 2 years – apply sun-screen to squirming, complaining children, explaining why it needs to be..the whole time remembering that morning.
Sun shining. (Always, always, my thoughts start with sun shining. And, should the sun not have shined that day, it would likely have been different. It would have slipped by, that normal, sunny day).. Boys wanting to swim. Applying sunblock with a trigger pack, them laughing while I made a game of squirting them with it, not realizing the mess it was making on the floor until after they’d run off. Moments later. All so different. This memory plays like a movie reel in my head on so many mornings, making the application of sunscreen harder than it should be in everyday life.
Then today, for reasons that again elude, it came to me. As Ivy wriggled away from my sticky hands, I realized that those moments, those last moments of simple laughter with my kids two long years ago were such a gift. So precious. The ending of our untouched life before the arrival of our altered one. Happy, innocent, trusting, expectant. Why the movie reel has a different soundtrack today, I do not know. It just feels so freeing, to have a different perspective today, to feel grateful for something that previously held nothing but sadness.
It’s reminded me to see the everyday things as anything but..to cherish the ordinary, to grasp the moments that should otherwise slip by and be so very, very glad of them.
Sun shining.
S x
30 shared sentiments
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Perhaps a gift for you today, relief and healing, minute by minute. I am so thankful that you are here and willing to share such rawness with those of us who have learned to love you across the miles. You inspire and give so much hope to so many. Thanks Shi~
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I needed this today. I wish I could write and express the way you do.
Today has been gloomy and grey, cold and hopeless in Park City, Utah. Your words and photo brought sunshine. Thank you.
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Just remember we are here for you, for every little step you take, and for those steps you need to take backwards too. Thank you for sharing what your “human” “being” means sometimes, so that we appreciate too, all the gifts we take for granted, on a daily basis.
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That picture Sheye oh my God that picture is hauntingly beautiful. As always your words are so touching, they are helping you heal and helping all of us watch you heal and listen to you heal. Love & Peace, Denisexoxox
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I lost my Daughter almost 6 weeks ago. I think about her everyday and I can close my eyes at any given time and remember every minute of that day, just like you said. My Daughter was Stillborn when I was 8 months pregnant. I can remember how if felt to give birth to her, I can remember the pain I felt when I didn’t hear her cry or see her move at all. I hope those memories will fade away. They hurt so much right now.
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beautiful memories. to carry your heart. you are an amazing mother. such a precious moment in time. i know ava hears your heart, your soul, the love you hold for her, for all your babies. sunshine and smiles to you sweet sheye. xo m.
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You are a very strong woman, although it may not seem so on certain days. The fact that you go on, wake up daily, take care of yourself, your kids and find time to still fit in the clients makes you strong! And God knows that. May God continue to bless you and comfort you in your times of sorrow. May he rejoice with you in your times of happiness and joy.
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what a beautiful lesson for all of us…every person on the planet!
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as someone who has lost a child, i have to agree with you completely! it’s those little things that stick with you. and sometimes they are hard, but sometimes they make you smile.
thank you for reminding us what is important, much love to you!
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You really do have such a way with words. What an amazing lady you are. Thank you for this post. I needed to hear this. I think about ‘that’ day in my life so often and with such clarity. I hope now to try to alter some my perceptions of that day to help with the hurt.
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My blessing to you with all my heart…from Spain
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Beauty full words Sheye.
I am thinking of you and sending love XXXX
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Feb 3rd, 2007 will never leave my memory…nor will you or Ava. We have released pink balloons for Ava on that date for the last 2 years. I am glad you are finding happy moments in the sad times Sheye. Your children are all so beautiful. I can’t believe how big Ivy is now. HUGS!
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Beautiful… all of it, Beautiful.
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Sunscreen, yes. I too have that memory. Han loved to have it applied only because it meant trips to the beach. I remember the smell of it on her skin as I held her, trying in vain to dig past that smell and the smell of the water to *HER*.
And, yes, I remember July 19, 2007 more clearly than any day of my life. Truly. Life altering and forever changed.
HUGS to you, my friend.
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Sheye,
As always, you continue to teach and inspire me. Through your incredible loss you, you shine through. You teach me to be so grateful for each moment. Thank you, again, for sharing these precious thoughts and memories. You Ava girl is an angel that I know watches over you. Lots of love.Jodi from Utah
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Your writing and you sharing your story with us is a gift. Your life, your beautiful childrenl, all four of them, help me to stop worrying about the little things that do not matter or even if they do – won’t tomorrow. Thank you for helping me to think about the little things in life – the things that truly do matter.
Hugs to you Sheye – Hugs to you.
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beautiful writings sheye.
so true–thank you for making the everday
things more special for us all.
tara
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This is beautiful Sheye. So glad you’ve had lovely moments…and have once again reminded me that the mundane is a gift. Toothpaste on the counter? Evidence that the ones we love are near. How GRATEFUL I am to you and to Ava for continually reminding me of that. Wishing you many more moments of freedom and light,
Nicole
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Beautifully written. Beautifully shared.
xxx
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I can’t tell you how many times a day I am grateful to you and Ava for shining a spotlight on each and every moment with my kids. The photo you added here is just so precious I can’t stand it! You rock.
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hiya, s:)
what a gift that your reel is playing
a freeing song sweetly in the background
these days…
l,
d xxxxx… x
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Hello. Perhaps you should write books. You are so good with your words, and your thoughts come through so clearly. They would sell. Pictures are beautiful too.
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You are such a strong woman. This is a very beautiful post. I’m thinking of you and your family and your precious Ava right now.
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nice freakin’ site! Awesome photos, phenomenal layout, spirit, creativity, tatoos, children jumping photos. The music? So great! Couldn’t be better. :)
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Feb 14th 2001 my son left.I remember takeing him to school on the high road,I remember us all coming home and there was 2 to many in the van,I remember him grining from ear to ear when I said he could ride his ATV on the beach(Had yelled at him all week to clean his room),I remember putting his tea in the microwave,I remember the friend who came to say he had an accident,I remember putting the truck into 4 wheel drive to get on the beach,I remember seeing James face knowing imediately he was dead,I remember my friend saying I had to do something,I remember trying to resusitate him for 30 mins,I remember the pain on my husbands face when he arrived,I remember the portobello volunteers arriving,I remember the look on the doctors face when he arrived, I remember my husband working beside me before more help arrived,I remember Gregs face when peter told us time was up,I remember been told the tide was coming in,I remember the ambulance taking him away,I remember the slow drive back home.I remember telling the kids,I remember all 5 of us getting into bed together,I remember lox coming to the house,I remember my brother-in-law arriving in the middle of the night,I remember calling my family, I remember sitting in his room for ages,
I remember James each and everyday 8 years later
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A visual artist & a wordsmith…..Thanks for sharing Sheye x
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Sheye, Just catching up on your post…You have been in my thoughts alot recently. In a few days its my ‘two years of missing’ and I like you remember not just the day of but the week leading up to… It was Mardi Gras in Sydney and she was getting ready to go in and watch it. I remember her frantically flitting about the place, as an 18Yo does, perfume, make up, shoes, hollywood tape etc etc…. we took a photograph its blurry we’re hugging, but that memory is etched into my thoughts stingily… the week later, I was driving to the hospital, i remember the very meal i ate, the time i was in bed, that i had shampooed my hair, that on that day, i had already laid flowers for a friends ‘one year of missing her’ that day i also remember what i ate for lunch, such insignificant pieces of information that would otherwise have been lost in the midst of everything else … i remember everything… it was so nice to read your post about the day. It reminds me of what i know, but to also remember the moments that pass by now without much ado and sometimes with frustration, to give thanks for the memories that are being made now… I am loving your photos and your words, i agree with one comment and i hope to be reading your book in a few years xxxx
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I love your darling blog. Mostly because you have taught me to cherish EVERY minute I get to spend with my darlings. Thank you for sharing your pain and sorrow. My prayers are with you.
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I love seeing in frames, I love the beauty in the ordinary, I love my camera, I love that when I see images I hear too. I love the latelight, I love finding moments I didn’t imagine and I love creating moments I did. I love learning more every day, I love sharing what I’ve come to know, and I love making pictures pretty.
I’m so glad you stopped by. xx
Dearest Sheye,
I am so glad that some peace is settling. It makes me happy to see you smiling in your words. The photo of the bright light and wings is georgous!
p.s. i’ve never really liked sun screen myself xD
xo
Amanda