Pure Joy.
So, I’m back. The trip to Gwinganna last week was every bit as restorative as I’d hoped..lots of spa treatments, physical activity (well, of the yoga type), good food and interesting seminars. Early morning swims, tai chi on the side of a mountain, meditation to music in an old church. Blissss. I especially loved learning to breathe again. Literally, eyes closed, inhale, fill ones tummy with air. Exhale. Just like a baby, they said. Really very simple and really very effective – I actually had forgotten how to breathe.
More than all of this though.. I attended a “body play” class. What sounds quite daunting (I actually initially refused to go) turned out to be something quite amazing. We were asked to close our eyes and let someone else (with open eyes) lead us around the room, only joined by our fingertips with no real grasp. The other person could go as fast or slow as they liked, they could literally do anything and all I had to do was follow. I was quite nervous before we began – I was sure I’d get dizzy, fall over and generally look rather ungraceful. But really, this is what happened:
For two whole minutes, I ran around, at full speed, forwards and backwards, in circles, up high and down low…, trusting, laughing and shrieking the whole time. I didn’t fall over. I didn’t get dizzy. I didn’t open my eyes, not once. I wasn’t afraid.
I. Had. So. Much. Fun.
And when I opened my eyes at the end, still laughing and catching my breath, it dawned on me. I’d just felt happiness, without sadness. Pure joy. There was no time to stop and feel the missing. For so long my joyful moments have been tinged with sorrow.. Always, always wishing Ava could share the moment but right then, with my head filled with a mix of excitement and anticipation and trying to keep upright, my heart wasn’t hurting. What a gift. And if I never, ever feel pure joy again in this lifetime, I am so grateful for that brief moment when it came back to visit. That alone made the whole retreat worthwhile.
This past weekend we also celebrated Mason’s eighth birthday with a sensational breakfast party (I’m the new Nigella, remember), a visit to Carousels for their ever amazing cupcake sundaes and an afternoon at Game On which the boys thought was like seven Christmases rolled into one. We had a great day with our great boy.
(Own actions, 5D Mk2, 24-70 2.8)
Love, Sheye xx
Yeahhhh, you’re back! I was just about to go to sleep, when your post popped into my Google Reader. So glad that you had such a wonderful time, I’m quite jealous :(
I’m even happier that you were able to feel “pure joy”! Something you so deserve.
Happy Late Birthday Mason!!
Oh My God Sheye that is so wonderful. I’m so happy for you. The fact that you felt joy without sadness mixed in just makes me so happy for you. I’m so glad you had a good time. Every woman should have the opportunity to do something like that once a year. Bless your heart, it is slowly mending. The tear will always be there but it is mending. I love you you awesome beauty of a woman.
Denisexx
YAY!!! I’m so glad you had a moment of joy! I hope there are many more to come as well. WAY cool bokeh on that first one :)
Shaye,
Welcome back! I knew you would get there :) Handsome, so handsome! Blessed..Shi~
Shaye,
Welcome back! I knew you would get there :) Handsome, so handsome! Blessed..Shi~
Ps, for some reason it posted to a differant author above..hmm… oh well!
pure joy. it found you. i knew it would. i’m so happy you had that experience. you deserve it. happy birthday no. 8 to adorable mason. xo m.
I am so glad that you got to have this experience. I check your blog daily to see if there are any new posts. You have inspired my friends/family and I more than you know. Infact, so much so, that my sister is pregnant with a little girl that she will be naming Ava. We hope that she is even just a little bit of the way your darling little girl was.
Don’t know if it’s me, sentimental as person, or if it’s your happiness ..that made me cry today..
So So So happy to read this.
Happy Birthday To Mason!!!
Lovely to have you back, so glad you had such a great time. Happy Birthday Mason (and how much does he look like his Dad in the last picture?!)
The beautiful Sheye who deserves blissful happiness, I am so filled with joy for you!
Happy Birthday Mr. M. my birthday was last week too – so you must be super special :o)
Your gorgeous relatives from Carousels were emailing me today and I just had to babble on about how truly wonderfully fabulous you are hehehe.
Lots of love
Keren
xx
I’m so heart-happy for you honey.
Happy birthday from us Mr. Macey…that cheeky smile makes my day xoxo
Tears of happ♥ness here too!
Happy birthday Mason!
x♥x
Tears of happ♥ness here too!
Happy birthday Mason!
x♥x
Don’t know what happened there, sorry Kate I hijacked you!!
My heart felt soothed to read of your experience of feeling joy in your life again, even for the briefest moments. Gives me hope for others whose hearts are heavy with loss. Thank you for sharing Sheye.
i’m crying … because, really, i’m just so happy for you.
i’m happy that you got that moment.
you make the entire experience sound absolutely fulfilling. sign me up??
and happy birthday mason! welcome to eight!
Tears of happiness here for you, too! What a tremendous emotion~ and to feel it again after such pain~ you must have felt as light as a feather. I’m so happy for you!
Sheye,
that is so cool.
i am so happy for you.
I hope you get to experience that again and again in this
life! you deserve it! by the way, are you going to do another post of ava’s tree? and did my decorations ever get there?! thanks!!!
love,
tara
I have tears of happiness for you also. What a precious gift that you can carry with you, and bring it out to remember when you need it most.
Happy Birthday Mason!
Sheye – this is WONDERFUL! When I was an acting student at NYU we did a lot of these ‘trust’ exercises and they really are wonderful.
I am so excited that you got to experience PURE joy, untinged wtih sadness…. that is such a blessing! (I’m smiling broadly as I type this…. so happy for you I am…)
And the pictures of precious 8 year old Mason are wonderful!
As always, thank you for sharing these lovely vignettes from your life with us. You’re a wonderful, beautiful woman!
Sheye – this is WONDERFUL! When I was an acting student at NYU we did a lot of these ‘trust’ exercises and they really are wonderful.
I am so excited that you got to experience PURE joy, untinged wtih sadness…. that is such a blessing! (I’m smiling broadly as I type this…. so happy for you I am…)
And the pictures of precious 8 year old Mason are wonderful!
As always, thank you for sharing these lovely vignettes from your life with us. You’re a wonderful, beautiful woman!
Oh, to feel joy. Wasn’t it wonderful? What a blessing for you! :o)
Happy belated birthday to one gorgeous little boy.
HUGS, Sheye. :o)
I’m feeling a little breathless at all that running around. So glad of your moment of pure joy. It’s the moments that make our lives special.
Great to hear from you again Sheye. I am so glad that you had a good time!
Happy Birthday (belated) to your gorgeous boy,
Love and hugs Tabitha XXXX
Oh Sheye, it sounds like an amazing time. I’m glad that you had the chance to experince pure joy again… :) And, happy belated birthday to your little guy! xoxo
hey sheye,
it has been a while since i have checked in on you. sorry about that.
i still remember when i read your entry for the year anniversary of Ava’s death. i dreaded the one year anniversary of aaron’s death. it came and went at the end of november. life still seems pretty empty without him here, but i am trying to have more hope and be more positive… especially for the sake of my little boy.
you are a beautiful person who inspires others. it sounds like your sweet family is doing pretty well. i am so glad of that.
i saw the camera you got for Christmas and i must say… that is my dream camera. my brother showed it to me online a little over a month ago and i have been coveting it ever since.
anyhow… your photos are beautiful… as usual.
with love…
leslie *
oops… i put my email address instead of my website on that first one, i didn’t know if it mattered. sorry. here we go again…
hey sheye,
it has been a while since i have checked in on you. sorry about that.
i still remember when i read your entry for the year anniversary of Ava’s death. i dreaded the one year anniversary of aaron’s death. it came and went at the end of november. life still seems pretty empty without him here, but i am trying to have more hope and be more positive… especially for the sake of my little boy.
you are a beautiful person who inspires others. it sounds like your sweet family is doing pretty well. i am so glad of that.
i saw the camera you got for Christmas and i must say… that is my dream camera. my brother showed it to me online a little over a month ago and i have been coveting it ever since.
anyhow… your photos are beautiful… as usual.
with love…
leslie *
hey, s:)
i’m thrilled that you had such a perfect experience!!! and,
i hope your handsome little mason had a very happy birthday:D
l,
d xx
:o) Awesome!
Oh Sheye, I’m so glad for you!
And happy birthday to your beautiful boy!
xx
Oh Sheye.
I’ve not stopped thinking about you and Ava this week and to log in to read this just made me smile. It’s funny how something you initially thought would be less than enjoyable ended up being something so precious and hard to come by. I’m so glad you did it.
Happy (belated) Birthday Mr Mason! I’m glad you had a great day!!
Thinking of you all more than ever. x
Oops. For some reason, my last comment said I am Ingrid. Sorry Ingrid :)
Happy Birthday you gorgeous boy! So glad you had a wonderful time & got so much out of the retreat Sheye.xo
So happy to read your wonderful post! I’m so glad you had such a terrific time, and just let the pure happiness flow. You deserve it!
Happy Birthday Mason!
Such a georgous 8 year old!
A Happy (belated) Birthday to Mason!! Sounds like he had a wonderful birthday!! Go you Domestic Goddess.. yay! So happy you had a wonderful time at the retreat… so happy!
love,
Tanya xx