18 sentiments shared

A Better Place, A Lesser Place.

In Loving Memory of Isabelle Broadhead

Many years ago, Jennifer began a game. A silly something where you make up a story that is your Xanadu. Except Jen’s was “Jenadu”. Didn’t sound quite as amazing with “Sheyeadu” but still works very well for Soozadoo. We shared tales of living in penthouse apartments in exotic locations, being waited on by maids and driven to Saks by the butler to restock our designer closets. We’d dream up incredible social lives where our feet never hurt in our Jimmy Choos and cocktails were calorie free. I loved playing this game – even when I moved to the Gold Coast we’d still sometimes write down the latest version and post it to one another.

I remembered this game just the other day and realised that if I were to sit and write my Sheyeadu now it would contain nothing more than one line. It’s no suprise that my utopia, my every wish granted would just be:

To have Ava.

It’s something you can’t possibly realise fully until it’s gone..that every person out there who has all of their children does in fact exist in their very own Xanadu. We didn’t know that our happiness was so completely and utterly tied up in the simple fact that all of our children were here and healthy. That the ability to feel true, untainted joy would also be lost the day Ava left. I can’t ever go back and live in that perfect World, I can’t ever again experience happiness not tinged with sadness. I didn’t know it when I had it and I can’t have it now I know what it is.

All I can do is keep sharing what I have learnt..to remind every person out there who does have all their children to just be so, so thankful, to let go of the small stuff and to trust me when I say you have absolutely everything you need.

While these are my thoughts today, I also write them for Danielle Broadhead. Some of you will know of my friendship with Danielle. A year ago, I caught an interview on television with the parents of Isabelle Broadhead, who’d tragically died at 3 years, 9 months. It was the first time I’d seen another family mourning their beautiful daughter, just as we were. The first time I’d seen another precious child lost too soon in such a preventable way. On Easter Thursday, 2006, Isabelle was sitting in a booster seat with an adult belt, as per child safety legislation at that time, when Danielle was involved in a low speed accident. Her booster seat and adult belt was, in fact, the reason Isabelle lost her life that day.

Shockingly, Isabelle is one of many children Worldwide to have died this way. With such selflessness and determination, Danielle and Noel have pushed and fought for legislation to be changed in Australia to prevent this ever happening to another familly. Three weeks ago, they got their wish. Please, please, please go to Isabelle’s site, light a candle and learn what every parent should know.

Today is a very difficult day for the Broadhead family. There is nothing that can return their adored daughter to them, to give them back their Utopia, but they have worked hard to make Isabelle’s short life mean something great and I believe with all of my heart that Isabelle would be so very proud, just as we all are.

I don’t understand why terrible things happen to good people. I can’t make it better for Isabelle’s parents but I am so thankful that I caught that interview, that I then “met” Danielle and together we have shared such a intimate friendship through a very painful journey.

With love and endless thanks to the Broadhead family for making our World safer.

xx

1. E and T says:

   Sheye, both you and Danielle have been such powerful forces for change and good.

   You have both taught me that I am living my Xanadu and what is most wondrous about this is that I know it and appreciate it because of you. What a gift that is. Although during some of my daughter’s tantrums I do forget, but going into my little Savanna’s room and seeing her Superprincess pictures hanging up is a constant reminder of what you always share and articulate through your blog.

   It isn’t right that I, (like so many other mums) have gained this perspective and gift and you have lost your Xanadu. My heart is so heavy for this.

   
2. Danielle says:

   Dearest beautiful Sheye,

   I miss our Xanadu. Tears of thanks, you are another of Belle’s gifts and I am so thankful to both of you.

   Love

   Danielle

   
3. Anonymous says:

   There are no words.

   Love to you and Danielle,

   Jane

   
4. Anty Ange says:

   I am going to light a candle for their darling angel.

   
5. kristen says:

   Here here.
   The both of you have given my boys enormous joy from the life I now allow them to live.
   I never knew I had a Xanadu until now.
   Every day is good, even the tantrum ones. I tell myself that every. single. day.
   Thank you Sheye,
   Thank you Danielle,
   Thanks angel girls Ava and Belle a million times over.

   I’m the type of mother that isn’t an animal lover but have known my boys and hubby are. I knew the time was comming that I’d have to cave in a get a puppy.
   Well today I did and little Logan fell in love with a kitten while we were there. ( I am not a cat person believe me).
   I couldn’t walk out without it and ended up making his day. He was soooo grateful, it didn’t hurt me to do it really. It just gave me more pride that my kids were truely happy. Isn’t that what all mums just want !!
   Thanks………….

   Happy and SAFE easter Sheye, Danielle and families.
   XXXXXX
   Kristen

   
6. Anonymous says:

   Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I trust you. Thank you for sharing you light with the world.

   
7. Kat says:

   Hugs to you Sheye and Danielle.

   I am sitting her wondering on what our xanadus could be if our little girls were all here.

   Much love and tears
   Katherine
   xxxxxxx

   
8. Melinda says:

   Thank you.

   Belle and Ava did such a wonderful work in bring the two of you together. With hands to hold and hearts to comfort on this awful journey.

   xx

   
9. Julie says:

   Sheye and Danielle, you will both have your Xanadu with your gorgeous girls again in the next life. I truly believe it. If ever any representatives from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints come to your door, listen to what they can tell you about this.

   
10. pakosta says:

    she’s beautiful. how sad. i lit a candle for her. and i wanted to say thank you to the family, because of them, my neighbor and her sister(and me too) are all purchasing new carseats. i had the ones with the 5 point harness, but my girls are 8 and 6 now and they are a litle too big. i would like a law that makes them for 6-10 year olds that are bigger. their poor legs get the circulation cut off in the seats and their back hurts something awful….i hope they work on making the law for older children now…
    thank you to belle’s family!
    tara

    
11. Rach says:

    It makes no sense. None of it. My heart aches for us all.

    Thank you for sharing Danielle’s story with us.

    
12. Capture says:

    What beautiful things you’ve written today Sheye. My heart breaks for the both of you. As I’ve said before, I will never be able to make sense of it, but I am truly thankful that you two have found each other. I know Ava and Belle had a hand in that. Thinking of those beautiful angels today more than ever and keeping you all in my prayers always…
    Krytsa

    
13. emily says:

    Thank you for the reminder and for the inadvertent blessing it has brought to me.

    A prayer for you and yours…

    
14. Kaz says:

    Sheye,Beautiful words as always and so meaningful.My heart goes out to you and Danielle.

    I find myself getting annoyed (on the inside) when you hear/see other people being pendantic over nothing,or being judgemental when they see us not sweating the small stuff but they just dont know

    Cheers
    Kaz
    xoxo

    
15. clinka says:

    With so much love, today and every day.
    I can’t thank you enough for being the little voice in my head, reminding me to enjoy each moment, savour every second.
    jbxo

    
16. Emily says:

    Thank you so much for these words. I think I will print them out and put them on my bathroom mirror where I can be reminded every moment of every day to savor those moments.

    Love and prayers to you and your family.

    
17. Leslie says:

    sheye,
    i am grateful that i read your blog today. i was going to go on monday to buy a booster for aaron jr. i was checking online the other day to see if he is ‘big enough’ to upgrade to a booster seat and he was ‘big enough’, so to make it easier for me, i was going to switch to a booster seat next week. after reading your blog about this precious little girl who passed away due to the adult seat belt with a booster, i have changed my mind. i will be staying with a five point harness. so, isabelle’s story made a difference for us. thank you for posting this.
    -leslie *

    
18. ~love says:

    i just found your blog today. i was drawn in by your beautiful writing and photos. i’m so thankful that i stayed to learn of your precious Ava and of Isabelle.

    my heart just aches for you. thank you for your honesty and sharing for Ava’s story. i am so touched by her memorial page…what a sweet little girl.

    as a pediatric nurse, i’ve somewhat realized what you’ve just put into words…i’m living my xanadu right now.

    that is a tragic, tragic gift that a little girl, that we lost as a patient, gave me. many days i will think of her and her mom with each thing i do throughout the day:

    “that mom would give anything to hear her little girl throwing a tantrum right now.”

    “that mom would love to sit and have a tea party instead of doing the laundry right now.”

    that precious little girl…and now Ava, too, have helped me live more fully in my xanadu. thank you. wishing you many blessings.