The Gift of Ivy.
You’ve seen me write it 1000 times but it barely scratches the surface. She is, truly, a God Send. I love her so much it scares me silly.
I can’t imagine not having her. Just like I couldn’t imagine not having any of my children. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen the other side of “what if”.. It makes no difference that, contrary to what I’d always thought I was certain of, I actually did go on and live after the unbearble and the unthinkable took place. That the sun kept rising, I kept waking, my lungs kept drawing breath – even when I wished with all my heart they would not. Even with this knowing, I still believe today, if anything happened to one of my other children…that I could not cope, I could not survive. Isn’t that odd? I guess it’s just how it is when something means so very much to you.
It’s so hard to imagine the void where Ava should be as any bigger or harder to face each day but when I think about not having Ivy making me laugh and to demand to put on a pretty dress and to put her little arms around my neck while she whispers “la lou” in my ear… well I just can’t imagine. Initially after February, I hoped so much Ivy would look like Ava – that I would keep seeing Ava’s face in hers, that her mannerisms would grow into Ava’s.. I so needed to have glimpses of what I was missing so desperately.
One year on and it feels so good to have begun slowly but surely celebrating the things that make Ivy her very own little person. She is different to her sister in a lot of ways, she is growing into another beautiful little girl who has so many amazing characteristics, a great sense of humor and a reeeeeeally loud voice. Sometimes she shows me a little glimpse of Ava and it is a true gift but I’m just as happy to see all the glimpses of Ivy…
So, if you can’t tell, I’m all sentimental today.. There’s been a whole lot of melancholy and too many tears this morning but there is always an upside to the lows..No matter how hard the moment, I’ve learnt a better one always awaits…and that I am still so, so lucky.
I plan to spend the afternoon doing nothing more than hanging out with my boys – even if it means watching the World Wrestling!! Thankyou so much, as always, for all the beautiful emails this week, there have been more than a few and I am behind in responding, I’m sorry :)
Coming here just makes me smile.
You are a beautiful soul Sheye.
Just look at those eyes! you truly capture the beauty in each child. You are an inspiration Sheye. You make me want to be a more patient and loving mom.
beautiful post
and I see you haven’t joined kneesocks anonymous yet, you’re still an addict
Love your new anti-rules ;) Love the skinned knee. Love the knee socks…
Love your words. As always.
Oh those knee socks – I wish Ash would wear them.
Lovely words Sheye. Hope your arvo was better….
Gorgeous photos Sheye! beautiful words… but that is to be expected from the most beautiful person I know! I hope you have a wonderful time with your boys! xx
Sheye you articulate your words so very well. Every post you write I just nod my head.
Sending you big hugs your way and know that we think of you all everyday.
Kat
xxxxxx
Ivy looks so naughty and full of life, living up to her name! From the other side of the world I can see her big sister in her eyes, but the rest of her is completely Ivy… I love how you keep Ava’s memory alive whilst letting Ivy be Ivy…
Sheye,y.ou always prompt me to hug my girls tighter Thank you. xxx
She is beautiful Sheye!! What a wonderful post all about her!
BTW – Im craving some fruit now! After the last post!
Your girls are so beautiful. I think that both girls look so much alike that it’s hard for me tell them apart in images. Sometimes I have not clue which one it is until you start writing about them. She truly is a gift and you have given me such inspiration. Thank you!
she’s so amazing and you are so so blessed. and i think it’s so awesome that you can see that even still after what you have lost. the photos you have shared of her are so adorable! and i am so happy she brings you so much joy!
tara
I am a stranger so touched by you whole blog, please forgive me for reading every line and word and being moved to tears. Thank you for sharing…
Your strength is truly inspiring on many levels. I agree in the blessings that you have, they are beautiful, fulfilling and solid. I get so much from reading your words and thank you for sharing.
Suzanne
Hi Sheye,
My name is Lara and I am a friend of Suzannes, I read Ava’s story and my heart broke. I am so sorry for your loss and that it has only been a year. I have a little boy who is almost two, I can’t imagine what you went through, I couldn’t imagine not having him. I will pray for your family and that this hard time will be made easier by laughs, giggles and moments with your other beautiful children. I send lots of prayers, God bless you.
That Ivy is definitely going to carve her own niche in this world. She is so lovely. .y mom was so grateful to have Abby ib the wake of my brothers death. Abby demanded her attention in that way that only the very young can… Without regard to change or tragedy. Thinking of you always.
Thank you for sharing Ivy with us.
I think I recall a post where you referred to something being so “Ivish” and it’s such a perfect little tag for her. I imagine thigs being Ivish just as you describe, screaming, being coy,girly and sweet all in under three minutes time!
I Love the depth of your Love Sheye,
xo julia
*sigh* I just found your most beautiful blog from blogsofphotogs and I also read Ava’s story with tear filled eyes. I can see your heart in your images and words. Your work is stunningly beautiful, emotional, and inspirational…
That is so beautiful Sheye.Ivy is so beautiful xoxo
Btw ~I saw long red socks with white spots in Country Road.I thought of you and I think Ivy needs them
Cheers
Kaz
Little Ivy is just delicious – I could eat her up :-)
I love visiting your blog, on your good and on your bad days, as I always leave feeling encouraged and stronger. Thank you so much for that, Sheye.
i’m glad your day got better Sheye :)
We have all fallen for your babies, so I think we know exactly what you mean.
much love.
jbxo
She’s so lovely.
I’m wishing kneesocks could be just as cute on boys but I’m thinking I won’t be so lucky.
Love,
Danielle
….and what an absolutely beautiful gift she is.
xxx
I found your blog through another and wanted to extend my heart to you. I lost my oldest son not quite a year ago. Your pain and your determination to live with greater love speak to me. Thank you!
Hi. I first found your story almost one year ago when I saw the balloons for Ava. I was so touched by your loss not only because my daughter is about the same age as Ava but her name is Ivy and I have always thought since her birth that Ava would be the perfect sister name. I have read through today and a year later I am still hurting for your family and amazed by your strength. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I hold my Ivy a little tighter because of it.
Love your knee sock fetish.
And Ivy’s skinned knee just adds to the picture so much more! How cute.
Oh she just makes me smile…loved the skinned knee pictures….captures the little bits of being a child. There are so many pictures where I still see glimpes of Ava in her, but you can definitely tell she’s got her own personality Sheye. I do believe with all of my heart that she carries Ava with her.
She is going to be full of spunk and sass when she grows up!
Hope all is well with all of you!
Krysta
OMGosh.. I just clicked on your link from a friends blog and you are truley a magnificant photographer.I love your work. Usually I see peoples photos and I don’t think much of them. BUt you have truly captured my heart! Your children are absolutly beautiful and I can’t wait for mine to grow older. Also I wanted to add. I am so sorry for your loss. And I admire you for your strength.
She is so sweet, Sheye. Thanks for sharing these photos!
Sheye…thank you for being such an inspiration. Your words just leave me speechless.
your ivy is just wonderful, love that your love for her pours out in your photographs. you really are an inspirational mother. be proud, be strong and thank you for sharing your life. you have touched more than you will ever ever understand.
Chookleaf!! These are WONDERFUL!!! Any ideas as to where I can buy these? Also…LOVE LOVE your blog!!
You know I just want to tell you that you make me proud…
I am so so proud of you.. You know why. You and I both know why.
Thank you for sharing those touching stories with us.. hugs for you and your family for the lost of Ava. I have a two years old girl myself and it broke my heart to have read Ava’s story..
I think I am going to give triple hugs/kisses to my girl tonight when I get home after work !
Ivy is such a beautiful girl and I am gald that she is bringing you much joy! :)
xoxo
Ming
Every child is special. I am glad you see the true beauty of your children. I wish every mother was like you than maybe child abuse wouldn’t be happening like it is now. Knowing how much you love your children gives me a comfort, that there are loving mothers out there and that not every mother is abusive towards their precious children.
Hello Sheye,
you inspire me so much and yes little Ivy looks sooooo much like Ava. Infact the fist time my friends introduced me to your story I thought they were the same little girl, but there is also one thing that struck me when I first read this site; tears running down my face that says your gonna make it.
Please visit my blog about a dear darling little girl called Layla Grace who recently earned her wings from Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. – Ashley