31 sentiments shared

Both Hands Full.

I’ve been away for a few days.  I came home to a couple of hundred emails, so many of them beautiful comments and little anecdotes that have lifted my spirits.  One though, a comment on my blog with nothing more than a link, has taken my breath away and made my heart sing…When I saw “Super Princess” in the URL my heart began to beat a little faster while I waited for it to open…

A while ago, I woke up to the sun tickling my face and when I opened my eyes, I saw a tiny white butterfly flutter in through the window. It inspected my room, landed on my pillow, seemingly scolding me just a little for daring to still be asleep on such a dazzlingly sunny day. I smiled and it danced out of the window as quickly as it come in.

It reminded me of Ava. Superprincess Ava. Whose story has touched me in so ways over the past year and whose beautiful mother is hanging in there so bravely.

That butterfly made me smile for the first time in a long while, as does Ava, even though I never knew her.

I made this picture months ago, but it never left my computer. After my little butterfly encounter, I gave the little angel white butterfly wings, but never uploaded the picture. I have become very wary of sharing things that I make, afraid of rejection and of criticism. But then I thought that’s wrong. Every moment matters, we have so little time, and it is so much more important to reach out to others than to swallow things for some silly reason.

This beautiful illustration and these words are by GrueneWolken.

I feel so lucky.  I don’t know how that’s possible when I also feel so unlucky, but I do.  I can’t quite take in the impact Ava has had on so many people.  I can’t imagine how it has come about that she is loved and thought about by so many who never knew her.  How can that be?

For a long time, it was a bittersweet thing…The knowing that it wasn’t just me seeing her beauty.  It wasn’t just me missing her.  That she really was that special and she WAS meant to stay here and that she is simply too missed by too many people.  I didn’t want to know about fate and destiny and a time to go.  That didn’t make any sense when so many people felt so deeply.   Many times I’ve wanted to stand up on a table in a crowded place and shout “There has  been  a terrible mistake”. I wanted to be able to go to someone.  To put it in writing and start a petition and complain to a higher being.

This illustration was  such a lovely gift today.  I realised I was able to look at it and really, truly smile.  My heart didn’t hurt.  I didn’t wonder and question.  I love that strangers have come to know Ava.  I love that she has, literally, made the World a more beautiful place.  Even if it were just one other Mother out there hugging one other child a little tighter today, then the World is a better place, isn’t it?  But it’s so many more than one.

I’ve been told of so many beautiful little moments…where little girls are allowed to wear bikinis in Winter and ponchos in Summer, where lipstick is happily applied at dawn by a sleepy eyed parent, where hallways have become beaches for the day and where mothers have crawled into their children’s bed in the middle of the night to wrap them tight and thank God for their being..just because of Ava.  In February,  I wrote that I hoped for this very thing.

Someone once said you hold the grief of your child in one hand and your joy in the other..that they never really meet.  It totally makes sense to me…nothing diminishes the sadness of missing Ava but I am so incredibly thankful that I am given little and big bits of joy every day from so many people who see Ava’s beauty and light.    I struggle to fully explain just what it means.  I feel very lucky.  Thankyou.

With love.

S xx

1. Michelle Geiger says:

   Sheye…you have shown how precious the time is and how to find the beauty in the most ordinary of days. Thank you for this window into your life.

   
2. clinka says:

   this is beyond words… gorgeous. i literally, prior to turning on the computer, snuck into both nora & julian’s rooms to “watch them sleep”, something i would have NEVER suggested doing before “meeting” the rosemeyer family. our babies and children are the most precious gifts in the world. so innocent, so beautiful… the gift that ava has given us all is truly the gift of enlightenment. we DO hug our babies tighter. we DO tell our loved ones that we love them. our realities are forever changed around the world, all because of a little, stunning superprincess who we never knew, but love and miss all the same.

   with much love and a very heavy heart. today & every day…
   jules xo

   
3. Patti says:

   After reading Ava’s story, I needed to tell my grown children how much I loved them and their beautiful children who are amazing and have shown me that being a grandmother is the most wonderful gift ever. Thank you for all the lives you have touched by being brave enough to share Ava with us all.

   
4. Wilma says:

   What a beautiful and wonderful person you are. I’m one of those people who hugs her daughter even tighter after checking in with you on your blog.

   I’m also in awe of your photographic and artistic skills.

   
5. Anonymous says:

   Can you hear her? Your little angel’s voice is singing louder and louder … and louder each day.

   What a beautiful gesture and an even more beautiful post.

   Thinking of you as always.

   
6. Melissa says:

   What an absolutely beautiful illustration & gesture of the artist. Sheye, you have to know that so many people love & have been touched by Ava because of the adoring way you have shared her with us through your amazing photos & stories of her while she was here & how you are continuing to do so. We got to know Ava through your eyes and indeed she was so, so loved and incrediably special & so sadly missed. I’m sure everyone who has known you or come to know you through your blog would agree with me when I say that you too ARE that special and so loved.
   Ava must be so proud of you, helping her beauty & light reach so many people, how courageous you are to share your feelings so honestly & how amazing strong you are even when you are feeling so weak.
   Thank you for sharing your beautiful Ava with us. Oh how I wish there was such a petition you long for, there are so many people around the world that would do anything to sign it.
   You are always in our thoughts.
   Melissa, Madalyn, Mason & Evelynn. xxx

   
7. RedTornado says:

   I happened to stumble across your page here, and I was so amazed at your photography and I love the way you write. I read some of your writings and they really touched me.
   Keep everything up.
   You are doing so well <3
   Take care of yourself
   <3Red

   
8. Shayne Hope says:

   Oh Sheye, that was such a beautiful post.

   Words escape me right now but I am really glad that you are feeling the love.

   
9. Carrie Young says:

   omg that is beautiful :o)
   x

   
10. Tanya says:

    Oh Sheye, that is just beautiful :) Ava has definitely had such an impact on so many lives the world over! Who would have thought that one incredibly beautiful “Super Princess” could touch so many hearts.. it truly is a gift to each & everyone of us, thank you :) xxxx

    
11. Tam says:

    Sheye…I felt the need to post on this particular blog entry….
    previously I have read your blog religiously, but felt pulled to post this time, not lurk. We recently came back from a weekend away with our children…there was one particular instance that happened while we were away. There had been some quite heavy rain, creating some beautful big puddles..previously I would have never let my kids play in them, always putting on a front to be a perfect mother, and have prefectly well behaved children.
    Yesterday I encouraged them to jump, told them to run, jump and squeal.
    You and your beautiful girl Ava have inspired me to let go, to not worry and sweat the small stuff, to just love them and embrace their innocence and the purity of being a child.
    I have 2 of the princess Ava series prints, and plan to buy more..they make me smile, they remind me that I am a perfect mother as I am, and my kids are amazing incredible little beings who have a whole lot to offer this world.
    Because of Ava this world is a little softer and a little brighter.

    
12. Melinda says:

    That is breathtaking. It is amazing how Ava has transformed so many hearts. Mine is one of them. And I’m very grateful to both Ava and you, for sharing such beauty with me.

    
13. hollie says:

    Beautiful…. beautiful illustration, beautiful post, beautiful Super Princess.

    
14. Capture says:

    The illustrations take my breath away…what a lovely gift to come back to! …and your words are just as beautiful Sheye. Sometimes after watching the news or reading information on the internet, I wonder what our world is coming to…and then I am reminded that there is so much beauty and so much good on this earth. Your little Ava has passed that beauty and that good around this entire world times over. WE are the lucky ones to have stumbled across your blog. To have come to know and love Ava. To share in her beauty and her good. Thank you again Sheye. Absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed today…

    
15. pakosta says:

    Sheye,

    your words touch my heart, just as Ava has touched my heart. Ava has brought so much joy to my life just through your stories, and so much realization of how important every day and minute is and how i should appreciate my little girls always. thank you so much for the gift of your words.
    and that illustration is just AMAZING, i would LOVE to purchase that. that lady is one amazing artist and a total sweetheart for doing that!! how touching! she’s so very talented!
    thanks for always sharing your heart sheye, i am glad someone made your heart a little happier today!
    tara

    
16. Karoline says:

    thank u! and yes- i think of ava every day, the picture with Ava is over her bed, so i see her jumping in her bed and at the caruselle ever day, se is so beautiful….and she reminds me that i must give an extra very good hug to my daughter, that i always have time for that. thank you Ava

    
17. susan says:

    sheye.
    i, too, am another mother whose eyes and heart have been opened by your incredible story. i too, am one that has read and read and never felt like i have the right words to say back to you in the comment section. you have not only opened my eyes and heart, but forever and ever changed how i face each day with my daughter. i am also a grief counselor in kentucky in the US. Your words– your “window” into your incredible journey of grief–help me to help others every single day. you and ava and your sweet family have found your way into my heart and into my daily prayers.
    take good care,
    susan

    
18. Mindy says:

    I’m another mother who has held her children tighter, given an extra smile or two, and treasured the moments more, because of your sweet Ava. Thank you!

    
19. Anonymous says:

    Sheye -

    I’ve only commented once before, but I read your blog all the time and I just have to tell you that you have such a way with words. Your story and Ava’s story stay with me all the time.

    The person above me said this: “I’m another mother who has held her children tighter, given an extra smile or two, and treasured the moments more, because of your sweet Ava. Thank you!” and I am the exact same way. I peek in at my kids when they’re sleeping and think of you. I say “yes” more often when they ask to do silly things and think of you. I take more pictures of the little things and think of you. You and Ava have added much to my life and I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you sharing your story.

    Steph

    
20. joel and amy says:

    Simply Amazing.

    
21. Anonymous says:

    Sheye, Because of your generosity in sharing your beautiful family, I am a better mother. I tell my two boys how much I love them every chance I get. As I take on this new teenage world of driving, “hanging out”, high school dances, girlfriends, messy rooms, cell phones, laptops, I-Pods and all those other teen rites of passage, I sometimes feel stressed, to say the least. But then I go to your blog and am instantly reminded to be grateful for every minute of every day that these two precious boys are in my life, even when they are talking back or inhaling every morsel of food in the house. :-)

    Thank you a thousand time over, Sheye. I know this isn’t the path you would have chosen, but you and sweet Ava have helped so many people around the world.

    You are loved.

    Tami, Nevada, U.S.A.

    
22. Angie says:

    You are truly an amazing woman – what lucky children you have… and what a beautiful, beautiful mummy (time for a self portrait pleeeaaase).
    Over the last few months I have become a Sheye Rosemeyer Blog addict, checking am and pm in the hope of a new entry from you. There is never a tear far from my eye for you… such an unfair tragedy.
    I do hope you find some solace in your photography – you are a very inspirational and creative genius – clearly it comes from a beautiful heart. x

    
23. Anonymous says:

    I am so happy for you that you can see this, as I have been hoping that you would for such a long time, I never knew you already understood.

    The image is perfectly perfect.xx

    
24. Meya says:

    That painting is simply beautiful… stunning.

    Ava will always add more life to people’s days, even though we can never add more days to her life.

    My thoughts are with you all, always x

    
25. Kim says:

    I am one of those mothers you wrote about. I have read your blog religiously since I found it last year. I have thought so often of you, your family and Ava. I have softened as a mother and have truly appreciated each and every day with my daughters more than I did before. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing Ava and your life with me. You have such a way with words.

    
26. Leslie says:

    thank you sheye. it is amazing how the feelings you share… the analogies you share… are so perfect to explain what i feel. i love hearing words from people that reflect bits and pieces of what i am feeling each day from losing aaron. thank you.
    that was a neat thing that person wrote. i am glad she sent it to you.

    
27. Anonymous says:

    Sheye,

    Thank you for the beautiful words…and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us all. Whenever I visit your blog, I’m often reminded how blessed I am as a mother and I have to cherish every moment with my loved ones.

    Thank you.

    Cindy

    
28. Natasha Merry says:

    Sheye,
    I read your blog a lot, as I know many do, and it’s you that inspires us. Your words, your feelings, your emotions. You sharing all this and much more, that connects us all together, and inspires us to create art, and to be greater than we every thought we could be.

    I wanted to share with you a passage of my private journal.

    “Such a death affected me in a way I never knew it would, for a child I never met, for a mother I never met. But reading her words and I always cry, not only for her loss, but for what I have in my 2 beautiful children. To cherish those silly moments, to see the little things, and worry less about the big things. To enjoy life, enjoy my children, and my interpretation capture as many moments as you can, and be in those captured moments! Get in those photos not just behind them.”

    Love and strength to you :)

    Tasha

    
29. Kristin says:

    I was surprised to see a comment from you on my blog the other day. I don’t know how you find the time in a day to do all you do. I have wanted to post a comment several times but know my writing would get too long if I said all I have in my heart to say, so here is a spec of it. I relate to you on so many levels. When I read your posts it is as if you are writing the words from my heart. My father past away when I was 15, almost 10 years ago, and the pain never does fade. But we are able to see that they are with us still even if it is in clouds and cookies. Now I have a baby girl and I do hold her tighter because of Ava, I let her sleep on my chest all night long while I rock her, I take more pictures, and write more journal entries. I stare longer, smell deeper, listen closer, and hug tighter. I clean less, cook little, and watch TV never. Your writing is inspirational. Thank you for being so raw and candid. Your kids are beautiful. What a talent you have for photography. The names I was considering were Willow and Ivy!

    
30. Amanda Haynes says:

    Sheye I come here once a month, because everytime I do my heart breaks all over again for you and your family, but I also find hope…and a reminder to seize the day, to find the joy in the midst of tantrums and trouble, to embrace my kiddos even when they are being evil. Thank you that in walking the road that wasn’t picked by you, you have enabled others to find flowers along their paths too.
    Hugging you today, Loving you always
    Mands ….from Beyond

    
31. Steffie says:

    Sheye,

    Your letting me touch your heart in such an intimate and delicate way has been the greatest gift imaginable. I have read this post a million and one times and it brings tears to my eyes every time. I am so glad my little picture made you smile, that is more than I ever hoped for.

    There’s so many things I would like to say, and I always hesitate, fearing it might trigger more sadness, more pain.
    So I am so happy and relieved to see that the drawing has whispered in your ear exactly those words I have trouble finding.

    Ava has made the world a more beautiful place. A more sparkly place.

    Thank you.

    Love,
    Stef x

    PS – I noted you back a few days ago! Not sure if you saw it.