Thursday, January 31, 2008

My heart skips..

an extra beat today. Because it’s February. Because I don’t want it to be. Because it seems so recently..Not too many days before today, I was oblivious. I was happy. I thought I was pretty lucky (and quite clever) really – 2 boys, 2 girls. All 2 years apart. But of course life gets in the way of gratitude on a daily basis and like all people, I whinged about the usual..sleep deprivation, school issues, wanting my house to look all perfectly perfect..


But then, on this day one year ago, I found myself in hospital with kidney stones. If you’ve ever had them, you’ll believe me when I describe the pain as very, very akin to labour without drugs. And just to really make it a competely gruesome experience, the pethadine I had for two days before surgery made me vomit until I thought I’d turn inside out.

I was so incredibly miserable and missed my family and normal days with them so, so much. All I wanted was to be healthy and to be home. The boys started a new school that week and I wasn’t even there for their first day. As I sat parked in a wheelchair with a dish in my lap one morning, I clearly recall telling myself that there was NOTHING more important than just being healthy and being with the ones you love.

When I did get home, I was grateful. I looked forward to getting completely well again and remembering what really matters. I didn’t know I only had two more days with Ava.

I feel robbed that four out of her last seven days I was not even at home.
I feel robbed that I sent her to kindy an extra day because I needed the rest.
I feel robbed that I let her sleep at Grandads the night before she left.

How I wish I could go back and sit with her, every second of that week…That month…For every single second of her 1263 days. Just to hold her and breathe her in and study her face and her hands and her big big brown eyes. To tell her she was my dream come true, my biggest wish granted.

But I cannot. I can only desperately try to recall every possible moment we shared, to stare at her photos until my eyes sting and to believe with all my heart that she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, just how much she was loved and what she meant to me.

As I walk through the days leading up to one year, I can’t help but replay that week..over and over. I can’t help but imagine.

If only.
If only.
If only.

Posted in Ava by Sheye at 3:51 PM 66 comments »
Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Masonisms.

In recent days, the boys have taken to raiding my wardrobe. I found it a little amusing at first until I discovered them adorned in sock-stuffed bras, doubled over laughing. I told them in no uncertain terms to go and remove my underwear at once. (Mind you, I had to bite my lips to stop from laughing). As they shuffled from the room, Luca pokes Mason and says “Mine are bigger.”
Mason’s reply? “Yeah but mine are stronger”.
And we all fell about laughing.
Posted in Uncategorized by Sheye at 2:18 AM 18 comments »
Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Today.

Today the boys started school.
Today we ran around like mad people
trying to get out of the house on time.
Today we bought Ivy a fancy new carseat
while she cried on my hip and
continually asked for toast.
Today I paid a hundred bills.
Or so it seemed.
Today I went to school too early for pickup
and the boys had too much cake
and I spent an hour tidying their
unbelievably messy rooms.
Today, Ava should have started school.
I
thought
of
nothing
else.
Posted in Ava, Family by Sheye at 7:37 AM 46 comments »
Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Beach, Family and Friends*

* Post Title courtesy of Mason.

For the Australia Day public holiday, we went to a local beach here with family..

I didn’t hold out a lot of hope, after all we just moved from some of the best beaches in the World..I couldn’t imagine it being anything too impressive. I was wrong. We had a really lovely, relaxing afternoon – it was actually dark when we left! I don’t know what it is about Australia Day, it really does make you want to put your thongs on, throw some snags on the barbie and play cricket.

Here are a zillion photos..

(You’ll have to excuse the filthy state of Ivish..I’m hoping her sweet little face distracts.)


The boys cut a deal with me that went something like this:

“Mum if you take a photo then we have to be allowed to get our legs wet.”
“Okay, it’s a deal. But only up to the bottom of your shorts. I don’t want you dirty.”

And here’s cold hard proof that my children do listen.



The eternally gorgeous Miss India.


Luca, refusing to “look normal” for me. (The very reason photographers actually pay other photographers to capture their children.)
And my favourite images of the day:


Posted in Uncategorized by Sheye at 1:48 AM 20 comments »
Friday, January 25, 2008

Dream On.

I saw a butterfly catcher at the toystore.  
Whilst I don’t really like the notion of catching butterlies, I just couldn’t resist the idea of Ivy running through fields, hair blowing in the wind, playfully chasing skies full of butterlies..and of course me discreetly photographing this dreamy scene from a distance.   This was my incredibly realistic vision whilst I paid and travelled home with pink catcher.

Fast forward a day to the much anticipated butterly catching shoot…  

Ivy alternating between filling the net with stones until it was so heavy it couldn’t be lifted and racing everywhere except on the grass.   Mummy huffing along behind, shouting instructions to try and catch the moths (not a flutterby in sight) whilst Ivy looked away with bemused indifference.  

Neither the butterflies nor the toddler were going to give me my photo opportunity that day. Well not the vision in my head anyway.  

Still, I had a lot of fun proofing these…I’m trying out some different processing at the moment..needs some work but I’m liking the different tones.   



I’m seeing a marketing opportunity.  If they renamed them “toddler catchers”,  imagine the sales?
And these are a couple I did a little more outside the square.. What do you think? 


Posted in Uncategorized by Sheye at 10:02 PM 42 comments »