12 sentiments shared

Deep Roots

“When I die, she said, I’m coming back as a tree with deep roots & I’ll wave my leaves at the children every morning on their way to school & whisper tree songs at night in their dreams.

Trees with deep roots know about the things children need.”

Tonight Jennifer gave me this quote, I loved it and wanted to share it.

I spent a little of today lying on my back on the trampoline. I’d had a good day, I’d shopped, I’d walked, I’d bounced and I’d laughed. But then, so suddenly, I found myself immersed in sadness and missing and trying to find Ava’s face in the clouds. I found her, of course, because you can make anything you want from the clouds above. I lay there for many minutes, until my ears filled with tears (an annoying side effect of being teary whilst lying flat) and Crayton came and got me.

I’ve never done that before…I’d never tried to find Ava in the clouds. And it wasn’t so much what I was doing, it was how I was feeling for that moment..the missing. Oh my gosh. It’s a hard thing that I seek her out in so many places yet when I find glimpses of her, the pain is suffocating.

So while it was a simple thing really, it stayed with me after and I was still thinking of that little part of my day when I spoke to Jen tonight. We’d only just said hello when Jen shared something she felt compelled to tell me. Out of nowhere, travelling in the car today, Aria announced that, right then, she could see Ava. But not just anywhere. She could see Ava in the clouds. She was sure and she was excited about it.

I do not have an understanding of where Ava is. I wish I did and I hope one day I find it but for now, it’s all just a big hazy void of confusion. Thankyou Aria, for sharing your vision with your Mummy and putting a smile on my face tonight.

S xx

1. Anonymous says:

   Sheye… Ava is everywhere you are. Just because she is not physically standing there, does not mean she is not there. She is now your guardian angel everywhere you are, protecting you, Crayton, Ivy, Mason and Luca always. I believe that with all my heart and soul and I know that you do too. Everywhere you look… You will see her.

   
2. clinka says:

   I agree, she is everywhere… even in the lives of us who never knew her, but have been given glimpses of her through you. She is alive through so many of us. Sheye, I can’t thank you enough for sharing these moments with us. As difficult as they are, they are profound, beautiful, honest. They make us all better somehow.

   Thank you.
   jbxo

   
3. AnneMarie says:

   hugs to you, Sheye!! She is with you every morning you wake, every breath you take and every nap you close your eyes. She lives in you, loves in you…
   all my best to your dear family.
   AM in Texas

   
4. Anonymous says:

   This is a first time commenting for me but I feel like I know you personally. I have read and been so touched by your story. I do not have children but have experienced the sudden lost of a loved one to a motor vehicle accident. It has been over three years and I still find that I try and find her. You can find just about anything you want on the internet, and I’ve looked for her there. We try to feel the void and heartache that we feel anyway that we can. I do agree with the other commentors though that she is always with you, I truly believe that. I hope that you can always find Ava in the clouds and I know that it will be at the most random times that she will suddenly feel right next to you and those times are so amazing.

   
5. pakosta says:

   you always touch my heart with your words. i am glad you can see her everywhere, even though it hurts, it’s better to be able to know she is there with you, watching over you….hugs.
   tara

   
6. Tara says:

   exactly like everyone has said, she is right there with you. everyday.i truly believe that. i can only imagine how frustrating it must be though to try and sense her when you can’t see her.
   you have friends from all over sheye who care so deeply for you and your family. friends you’ll never meet, just know we cry with you too. i wish you could have her back for just one day. -tara

   
7. Lea says:

   Wow how special for Aria, I love that those sisters found have such deep roots.
   Beauty full.
   x

   
8. Lynette says:

   Sheye,

   I know where Ava is and she can be yours FOREVER. I know it in my heart. There is a simple, beautiful plan and it is true. We all knew it and agreed to it before we came to this earth. You’ll recognize it if you hear it again. I promise. If you ever want to really know, just ask…

   You are a beautiful mother and inspire me to focus on that which is most important.

   Thank you for sharing with us! Hugs to you…

   
9. Scott, Heidi and clan says:

   i have read your blog for months, feeling the sadness of your loss. i am a mother. the previous comment is somehting i truly believe too. my great grandmother lost her sweet baby grace at the tender age of 2. the message of families being together forever is indeed what i believe with all of my heart. this message was brought to my great grandmother after the passing of her sweet baby in the town of perth, australia over 60 years ago. it has affected countless members of her posterity. they have embraced these beliefs and found the happiness of forever. i would love to help if this is something that touches you……my heart and prayers are with you and your sweet family!

   
10. Capture says:

    Tears…
    Sometimes it seems that I can’t find the right or fitting thing to say. It’s at those times I share tears with you Sheye.

    Thoughts always,
    Krysta

    
11. missalaska says:

    Sheye, I live in the UK and check your blog everyday. More often than not when I read one of your posts I get a real big lump in my throat-which isn’t helpful to you at all-but the way you write about your love of Ava just takes my breath away. I am lucky enough to know a love like the one you talk of and you manage to put into words what me and most can’t quite express. And you are a truly talented photographer. I am travelling to Brisbane in a few days and looking forward to checking out the cupcake place you once spoke of-thank you, for more than you know. Nicola

    
12. Melinda says:

    Oh my. It’s amazing the small morsels of comfort we are given just when we need them. It eases the absolute sharpness of the ache, even if it doesn’t ease the ache. Warm thoughts of you and for you.